Eight Months Gone And I'm Still Reaching.

I don't even know what to say.

8 months.

Of tears.

Of heartache.

Of lonliness.

Of trying to move on.

Of... hell.

I can't believe I have made it this far.

I'm still broken.

Completely.

So..

Instead of explaining my life,

Why not revert to Taylor Swift songs?

Because I'm pretty sure she secretly watches my life with a hidden camera.

Her songs are completely relevant to my life.

I love it.

Music is a story.

I created this playlist.

Our relationship.

Taylor Swift style.

Lets begin.

Enchanted

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonder-struck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
This night is flawless, don't you let it go
I'm wonder-struck, dancing around all alone
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you

Jump Then Fall

I like the way you sound in the morning
We're on the phone and without a warning
I realize your laugh is the best sound
I have ever heard
I like the way I can't keep my focus
I watch you talk, you didn't notice
I hear the words but all I can think is
We should be together
Every time you smile, I smile
And every time you shine, I'll shine for you

Sparks Fly

If you want to know the story

go here:

Drop everything now, Meet me in the pouring rain.

I promise.

It's a great story.

Our Song

Our song is the slamming screen door
Sneakin' out late, tapping on your window
When we're on the phone and you talk real slow
'Cause it's late and your mama don't know
Our song is the way you laugh
The first date man, I didn't kiss her and I should have
And when I got home, 'fore I said amen
Asking God if He could play it again

Crazier

You lift my feet off the ground
Spin me around
You make me crazier, crazier
Feels like I'm falling and I
I'm lost in your eyes
You make me crazier,

I'm Only Me When I'm With You

I'm only up when you're not down.
Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground.
It's like no matter what I do.
Well you drive me crazy half the time;
the other half I'm only trying to let you know that what I feel is true.
And I'm only me when I'm with you.

The Other Side of The Door


With your face, and your beautiful eyes
And the conversation
With the little white lies.
And the faded picture
Of a beautiful night
You carried me from your car
up the stairs
And I broke down cryin'
Was she worth this mess?
After everything and that little black dress
After everything I must confess,
I need you

Mine


You said, "I remember how we felt sitting by the water
And every time I look at you, it’s like the first time
I fell in love with a careless man’s careful daughter
She is the best thing that’s ever been mine."
Hold on, make it last
Hold on, never turn back

Ok. This deserves a story.
Because it is one of my favorites.

So it was our last date.
We just got done eating dinner at Outback
and he were headed to the Brit's apartment to spend our second to last night together.
Little thing about Elder.
He HATES Taylor Swift.
Can't stand her.
I don't know why.
But this song came out and I was completely obsessed because it reminded me of him perfectly.
So on our way to the apartment,
this song came on the radio.
I totally flipped.
I blasted it.
And started belting at the top of my lungs.
He didn't like that too much.
He kept trying to turn it down, but I insisted.
Then... We got lost.
He had no idea where we were.
Okay given... we were on University Parkway in Provo
but we did not know how to get to the Brit's apartment.
So here I am.
Belting and singing, trying to convince him of my love.
He is screaming at me to shut up and is about to blow up.
I am laughing my guts out.
He suddenly pulls over to the side of the busy street.
Leans over me and opens my door.
He clearly states that
 if I as so much make another little giggle I can walk home.
I look him in the eye.
And let out the biggest giggle ever giggled on the planet.
Before I could even comprehend what happened,
He leaped out of his seat and tackled me,
out of the car,
and there we laid on the grass of University Parkway.
With his body on top of mine he whispers
"I'll make you pay for that."
And the tickling and kissing began.
I couldn't move.
Nor did I want to.
So that song is dear to me.
We decided it could be one of our songs.
Well... I did.
He didn't approve.
But I believe it was appropriate.

Today Was A Fairytale

Can you feel this magic in the air?
It must have been the way you kissed me
Fell in love when I saw you standing there
It must have been the way
Today was a fairytale


This song is the song of our last date.
Because indeed,
he did wear a dark gray t-shirt and I did wear a dress.
And I did fall in love.

Long Live

Long live the walls we crashed through
While the kingdom lights shined just for me and you
I was screaming, long live all the magic we made
And bring on all the pretenders, I'm not afraid
Long live all the mountains we moved
I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you
I was screaming, long live the look on your face
And bring on all the pretenders, one day we will be remembered

This is the theme song of our relationship.
It truly is.

Ours

Seems like there's always someone who disapproves
They'll judge it like they know about me and you
And the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do
The jury's out, but my choice is you
So don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
And life makes love look hard
The stakes are high
The waters rough
But this love is ours

Superman

And I watch you fly around the world
And I hope you don't save some other girl
Don't forget, don't forget about me.
I'm far away but I'll never let you go
I'm lovestruck and looking out the window
Don't forget, don't forget where I'll be
Right here wishing the flowers were from you
Wishing the card was from you
Wishing the call was from you
'Cause I've loved you from the very first day

Breathe


Music starts playin like the end of a sad movie
It's the kind of ending you don't really wanna see
'Cause it's tragedy
And it'll only bring you down
Now I don't know what to be without you around
And we know it's never simple
Never easy
Never a clean break
No one here to save me
You're the only thing I know
Like the back of my hand
And I can't breathe without you, 
But I have to


If This Was A Movie

Listen for yourself.
It's my theme song for my life right now.


Tim Mcgraw


But when you think Tim McGraw
I hope you think my favorite song
The one we danced to all night long
The moon like a spotlight on the lake
When you think happiness
I hope you think that little black dress
Think of my head on your chest
And my old faded blue jeans
When you think Tim McGraw
I hope you think of me


And I hope when he gets back our life will still follow...


Mary's Song


Well, I was sixteen when suddenly
I wasn't that little girl you used to see
But your eyes still shined like pretty lights
And our daddies used to joke about the two of us
They never believed we'd really fall in love
And our mamas smiled and rolled their eyes
And said oh my my my...
Take me back to the creek beds we turned up
Two A.M. riding in your truck and 
all I need is you next to me
Take me back to the time we had our very first fight
The slamming of doors instead of kissing goodnight
You stayed outside till the morning light
Oh my my my my
A few years had gone and come around
We were sitting at our favorite spot in town
And you looked at me, got down on one knee...






Thank you Taylor Swift for writing my life.
It helps.
A lot.

16 more to go.
I can do this.
1/3 of the way done.
That's exciting.

Miss you Elder.

I'm Growing Up Too Fast.

Wow.

I survived my junior year.

I'm alive.

And well.

WHAT IN THE WORLD???

How did this year go by so fast?

How is junior year already over?

I'm a senior?

My heart just dropped.

My belly flopped.

I'm still a sophomore.

I'm still a baby.

A little girl.

I'm five years old at heart.

How am I already a senior?

I'm freaking out here.

FREAKING OUT.

Tonight was graduation.

I watched every single one of my beloved seniors 

take that long walk and receive the diploma they had been waiting twelve years to get.

I cried.

A lot.

Going to school and not seeing

Matt,

Steve,

Emily,

Nate,

Cam,

Maddie,

or any of them...

It is going to kill me.

I am going to be the oldest.

The biggest.

Like I said before...

I'M A 5 YEAR OLD.

I can't handle this whole senior thing.

As I sat at graduation, I made myself a promise.

I will NOT waste a single moment of this next year.

I will live the best senior year any one has ever experienced.

Senioritis shall not overcome me.

I will be the best SBO ever.

I will love everyone.

I will go to EVERYTHING.

I will truly live this next year.

I will make every day worth while.

I will love unconditionally.

I almost can't wait.

It is going to be the best year of my life.

But for now,

it is summer.

And I shall love this warmth.

Embrace the whole no homework gig.

I will have the summer of a life time.

Then the best senior year ever.

And then I move out.

GAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I still have a year of childhood left.

I will love every second of it.

Mark my words.

It Is A Musical of True Dreams.

Dreams come true.

Get ready for it.

Yes.

I am going to be in a Musical.

A high school one.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Ever since I was a little girl I have dreamed of starring in a play.

Always.

Broadway.

That was my goal.

Until I found out I was completely tone deaf and had no ability to act.

This is my chance.

I may just be a back up dancer.

But.

I get to live out my childhood dream.

Yes.

Yes.

YES.

Mark The Day Folks. It's A Big One.

Hello. :)

Hold on.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Okay.

Watch this video, por favor:

Pretty much my emotions in a song.

Except for I would say,

I am in like.

Deep like.

Lots of it.

Please mark today as the day I was myself,

yes still awkward, clumsy, and a little out there,

but myself around.... him. :)

Here's how is went down.

It was definitely awkward at first.

It always is.

He played a game of basketball while I laid on the road.

We decided to go get a snowcone.

After a little tooth pulling conversation,

BAM.

I don't know what happened,

but I wasn't nervous anymore.

I wasn't watching every word that came out of my mouth,

and planning my reaction to every one of his.

It just... flowed.

I was smiling and giddy and happy and... man.

We went back to the pool of munchkins 

and lets just say we didn't leave each other's side.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

We just talked.

And laughed.

We made a list for summer.

What a fantastic summer it is going to be.

We talked about the frisky days of kindergarten.

Our biographies were discussed.

Jokes about shaven legs and big caffs were shared. 

I can just laugh.

I am ecstatic.

So happy.

Once I walked in the door,

after a simple hug on the door step,

I sprinted to my mother and tackled her with excitement.

After she yelled at me for a few moments for interrupting her reading session,

I told her my whole night.

I screamed a lot.

I am in like,

I am in like,

And I don't care who knows it!

Did I mention we are going to the Bruno Mars concert??

WOOT WOOT! 

Swings and Delightful Things.

Guys. 

I did it.

I swung on the beloved device that I have been dreaming of for months and months.

The Swing.

Epic.

I know.

Not only did I complete a goal I had been aspiring to accomplish, 

I did so with my Crush.

Yes.

Someone pinch me.

Actually don't.

That would hurt.

But I was myself.

And was I awkward?

You betcha!

But only a little bit, so it's okay.

I'm getting better.

Also, I talked to a new friend.

I like her.

She makes me smile.

YOU know who you are. 

Yep,

I feel cool knowing that this young lady is going to read this.

You inspire me.

Thank you for being so wonderful.

And our connecting moments.

That is all.

I love nights like this.

Go hug your mom.

It is her special day.

I Never Thought I'd See The Day And Be Smiling.

Well well well.

I never thought this day would come.

Truly... I never did.

Lets start from the beginning. 

How Elder and I met.

For this is start of a most epic tale.

This was posted January 30, when these emotions were most real.

"Ok all you readers, such as.... no one, listen up.

This is the story of how I fell in love. It is the usual story. The older boy and the younger girl grew up together. Couldn't stand to be around each other. Seperated through the awful junior high years. Weren't even friends girl's sophomore year, while the older boy was a senior. Meet back up awkwardly. Instantaneously fall in love. Then in the blink of an eye... he's gone.

Well if you haven't figured out, I am the younger girl. And that is my story in a nut shell.
Shall I expand on the situation? I shall. 
Lets take a moment to observe my current situation.

• I am a Junior in High School. 
• I am on Dance Company.
• I got the best friends around. 
• I have a family that loves me very much. 
• I am so blessed and grateful. 
• I have an unyielding testimony of my Savior and his church 

My life should be perfect right? Wrong. There is a hole. A hole that hurts with every breath I take, with every heartbeat. Every time my heart pounds the hole gets bigger. Because he is not here. He is gone.

Two. Whole. Years. 

Yes, I sent off a missionary. And everyday that he is gone, my heart yearns to be with him and yet, he is serving the people of central america. Its all bitter-sweet. Sweet, in such a way as he serving the lord. He will change lives. He is going to work miracles. He will mature and gain a sense of humility. He will back 10 times the guy I knew. I should be happy. But I am not. I am heart broken and wounded. I am lost. I need him.

Okay, so maybe I am a little dramatic.

We are going to call this boy.... Elder. Just Elder. Me and Elder.. Well.. we go way back. I remember specifically being in kindergarten. Elder and my big brother, Joshy Boy [currently serving a mission in Anaheim, California], were best friends growing up. There was a whole group of boys actually. All of them I adored. Oh boy, those second graders had it going on! Because of my adoration, I was subjected to much torture. The span of my entire childhood was filled with hits, kicks, and bruises from my secret loves. Yes, I remember Elder beating me up.

Good times.. good times.

Once those second graders hit 7th grade, the tortured stopped. Those boys stopped coming over because Joshy's friends changed. I forgot about them and moved onto boys my own age. YA YA! Skipping forward a couple years, I entered high school.

Oh, sophomore year. The memories. The best year of my life. Lets just say... I dated a couple guys. One being Elder's best friend. Grrrrr..... I have a STRONG dislike for that man. But that is a different story. Elder and I are not friend, nor would I ever thought we would be. Junior year now rolls around. All my second grade lovers slash my beloved seniors are all headed off to different parts of the country for their missions. Including my brother. My best friend. My constant comfort. He was gone, I was alone.

In result of this pain, tears flowed constantly. I thought it was going to last forever. That following Friday changed my life forever. I decided I needed to try and be happy. In this attempt, I went to our high school football game.

I had never felt so alone.

All my friends were blind to my sorrow and insincerity filled their voices. All I could think was  
"The next two years are going to be like this. My own personal hell."
Once the game ended, I wanted to run home as fast as I could. Before I could take off, I ran into some old friends. My beloved seniors. My mood changed knowing that these boys were filled with the spirit of christ. Their light shone so bright. I couldn't help but smile. As I was conversing with these bretheren, I noticed one hanging in the back. He would not make eye contact with me.

There is something you need to know about me.
If I want to know you, you better buck up. You will be my friend.

I decided to march up to this young man and made it known that I exist. My heart started to pound as I approach his imitating stance.

"When do you leave for your mission, Aaron?"
"The tenth of November." He answered politely.
"Wow, that is coming up! That is oh so very exciting. I believe I heard that you are going to guatemala?" I asked, trying to engage in light conversation.

And BAM!

We clicked.

My life will never be the same from that night.

Everything changed.

That night I fell in love. I truly did. I knew what I was getting myself into. This boy was leaving in a month and a half for two years.. This next month and a half had to be filled with him. My elder.

And let me tell you.

That was the BEST month of 2010.

We spent every second we could with each other. We went to concerts. Stargazing. Late night car rides. Church movies. Dates. Kisses. Fighting. Sneaking out. Dinner. Laughing so hard we were rolling on the floor. Singing our lungs out. Baking treats. Scary movies. Awkard moments. Late night phone calls. Wrestling. Bowling. Life talks. More kisses. Testimonies.
Falling in love.
My life was a fairytale. I don't think there was a happier person to ever walk the earth. My mother told me I was glowing. Life was perfect. I could not ask for anything more. I was living in complete bliss.
Then he left.
He was gone. I was alone.
Most people's heart are broken because of a switch in emotion. One doesn't feel the same as they did before. Mine was different. We were completely in love. Completely content. And in our prime, we were seperated. I know he still loves me. Thats why I am broken. I love him, he loves me. Two years til I can be with him again. BAH.
Another chip off the ol' heart.
I am waiting for my Elder. Lets be honest. I am in high school. I am going to date other boys. Maybe even kiss. But my heart will ALWAYS be with my Elder. He is my Best Friend. Two more years. I can handle it.
I can do this. "

That is how it started. 

A glimpse of our relationship.

I fell. Hard.

Which is completely silly looking back.

I knew he was leaving.

I knew I would be alone.

But isn't that the crazy thing about love?

We take ridiculous risks and bizarre actions,

to catch a smidge of the happiness that comes with another unyielding care and passion?

Well, I have waited.

I pray for Elder every night.

I write him a weekly email every Monday.

I send a letter every two weeks.

I have not kissed a boy since he has left back in November.

Minus the Christmas Assembly, if you know what I'm talking about.

My heart has completely held onto our relationship,

never fully letting fall for another lad.

Well, today, this all came to a close.

I received a letter from my dear Elder.

Yes, it finally came.

I was giddy.

I was screaming.

Running around like a little girl who was surprised with a pony on her birthday.

I ripped the letter open only to find one measly piece of paper.

One paragraph.

That is never a good sign.

As I read the contents of the letter my heart sank.

Buried itself in embarrassment and sorrow.

He began to tell me that:

• He hopes I am enjoying my high school experience.

• And that he doesn't want me hopelessly waiting around for him.

• He frankly said that he is giving his complete all to the Lord, and doesn't have time for anything else or anyone for that matter.

• He requested that I stopped writing him so that he can solely focus on the work.

• He wished me a good life and to enjoy every moment of it.

The end.

I sat there.

Blankly staring at the letter.

I waited for the moister to strike me eyes and fall endlessly down my face.

I waited for the pain to reoccur in the never failing hole punched deep into my chest.

I waited for my body to collapse due to the shock and horror of what the contents of the letter read.

But none of that happened.

I smiled.

Even giggled a bit.

Suddenly I thought, 

Linsey, why in the world are you smiling at a time like this?

I have had to take this whole day, and try to dissect my emotions.

Here is my conclusion.

I am relieved.

I can let him go.

No more tears, no more sorrow for when the letter doesn't show.

I can live my happy high school life,

as a senior,

as an SBO.

I can feel my Savior's love.

His enlightenment.

I know Elder came into my life for a reason, he played a special role.

He taught me what love is.

What I am searching for.

What a relationship should be like.

It's amazing.

Heavenly Father has outstanding ways of working.

He knew this was a lesson I needed to learn.

I am happy.

I am smiling.

Elder can now move on,

and become the best missionary ever on the planet!

I know he will be.

He is that incredible.

Who ever is the lucky girl that marries this young man will win the jackpot of all men.

I am excited for her.

And my true love is out there.

Waiting for me.

Man, I am feeling good.

I can feel my Savior's arms around me,

as he whispers that everything is going to be alright.

And it will be.

Goodbye Elder.

The stories of you will cease to exist on this blog.

I love you.

You will always hold a very dear spot in my heart.

I will never forget you.

Thank you, for all you have taught me.

Go get em, Elder Hill.

I am so proud of you.

Dreams Come True. Why Yes, They Do.

There lived a little lassie named Linsey.

During a break from the dreaded, stressed-filled land of school,

this young maiden traveled to a mystical place.

Full of whimsical buildings and adventurous rides.

Where a seventeen year old, one much like herself,

could lose maturity and fall back into the state of a child of five years.

Yes, this is where she entered.

The Land of Disney.

A few of her adventures enquired:

Jumping aboard a flying elephant and soaring to new heights.

She was able to see her iconic hero, The Prince of Pop, right before her eyes.

Yes, she almost died.

Flynn Rider. Enough said. 

She began to travel to a fantasy land,

where one day, her husband will be a spitting image of this young man.

She figured her chances of receiving a dashing husband like Mr. Fitzherbert,

She should become as much like Rapunzel as possible.

First step: Find her own personal Pascal The Chameleon.

In another part of the land,

This damsel stumbled upon a true treasure.

Sleeping Beauty.

Pause

Upon meeting this iconic princess, a new aspiration arose.

My new goal in life:

Become a Disney Princess at Disneyland.

Yes, it is true.

After meeting this kind soul, my passion for the career path grew immensely.

Belle?

Snow White?

I am not precisely sure which princess I might take on the role of,

but all I know is that one day,

little girls will stand in line to meet their hero,

and I will be the one to make that dream come true.

Play

As in every good story,

How could this frilly girl make it through the kingdom without the help of a few friends?

She bumped into her long lost childhood best friend.

The days of elementary and wee princess life.

What fine days those were.

Also, she had the privilege to ride a few roller coasters with this dashing young man.

Space Mountain and Indiana Jones have never been so enjoyable.

This little princess felt quite spoiled to have the company of such an exquisite prince.

Finally, by the end of this night,

She met up with one of her bestestestest friends of all time.

The damsel had a lovely time filled with deep talks, laughs, and animal sound contests.

As this lassie returned to her castle that evening,

she looked back at the events that had occurred.

Blessing after blessing.

This princess was so grateful for the time that she got to spend with the royal family,

as well as some amazing and inspiring people.

The Land of Disney is a magical place.

It is where Dreams Come True.

Believe me,

A small portion of mine did.

Can you pick out which part of the story that is?

Does It Get Better Than This? I Think Not.

mag·ic

n.

1. A mysterious quality of enchantment

adj.

2. Possessing distinctive qualities that produce unaccountable or baffling effects

or in other words:

3. DISNEYLAND

This land of thrilling roller coasters and fantastical settings

is what keeps imagination going for the children and teenagers of this day.

I have come to a conclusion 

of why I am seventeen years old

and still scream and cry every time I see Mickey and Minnie running around the theme park.

I have grown up with Disney.

It has always been apart of my life.

I have always seen princesses go through trial after trial,

only to end up with a prince and a happily ever after.

I have seen talking lions lose loved ones and their way,

one to come to the realization of his destiny and take his rightful place as king.

A fishy son gets lost and the love of his father ultimately brings them together.

A toy understands that a boy can love more than one 

and still be completely special no matter the circumstance.

No matter the situation, 

or dilemma,

Disney always inspires the heart of every youngster.

These movies and characters have a way of making you see beyond yourself and 

really hope for all things great.

Completely fantastical.

Amazing.

That is why I love this place with all my heart.

So yesterday,

I ventured to this world of fantasy.

This is the sign that hangs above the bridge as you enter.

It makes you feel as though,

you are leaving today,

you are leaving all your worries,

and traveling into a world of blissful fun and excitement.

Here are a few or my adventures:

The youngin's and I before Indian Jones.

I have a never ending love for Tarzan.

Who doesn't love a chiseled man running around in a loin cloth?

Haunted Mansion.

Classic.

California Adventures.

Not as grand as Disneyland but the rides are praise worthy.

I am happy the pictures don't show the tears.

Yes, I started crying when I hugged Sully.

Childhood hero right there.

A kind lady at a story gave me this button for free.

I wore it all day.

I received a total of seven congratulations.

Probably the best part of the day.

 One of my favorite rides.

3D Toy Story extra spectactular game of skill and joy.

Right before

"The Magical World of Color"

So inspirational.

A note worthy event:

Serendipity.

Such a fantastic thing.

As I got in line for an adventurous ride,

Thunder Mountain to say the least,

I was slightly wade down by my throbbing feet and burnt skin.

As I dragged my tired self through the winding cement path,

I saw a patch of blonde hair in another close section of the line.

Could it be?

There is no way.

Maybe?

"Mom... I think that is..."

Before I knew it my Crush became visible behind the mass amount of people.

I exclaimed hello and let my excitement beam through.

What are the odds?

Huh?

In a different state,

at the same theme park,

on the same ride,

at the same time?

Really?

Serendipity.

I smiled the rest of the day.

Always keeping a hopeful eye out for this young lad.

He was never spotted again,

but I am grateful.

Today:

I went to the beach.

New Port, to be exact.

I love the heat.

The smell of the ocean.

The waves crashing on to the shore.

The scent of sunscreen mixed with the burning salt on my skin.

The screams of little children being splashed.

The crunch of chips between my teeth.

The bright sun.

My hair blowing with the ocean breeze.

Everything.

It makes me glow.

It was a good day.

Grand actually.

I love the beach.

I think I will some where near by when I get older.

Maybe not.

I love my protective mountains too much.

But now is not the time to worry.

Just smile.

After my adventures, the girls ran to Target.

I found these birthday card.

My sister had to walk away due to embarrassment,

when I began to flail myself on the floor fueled my laughter.

How enlightening.

I laughed.

Very hard.

Spring break.

Man.

I love it.

Tell me your adventures.

I would love to hear them.