Eight Months Gone And I'm Still Reaching.

I don't even know what to say.

8 months.

Of tears.

Of heartache.

Of lonliness.

Of trying to move on.

Of... hell.

I can't believe I have made it this far.

I'm still broken.

Completely.

So..

Instead of explaining my life,

Why not revert to Taylor Swift songs?

Because I'm pretty sure she secretly watches my life with a hidden camera.

Her songs are completely relevant to my life.

I love it.

Music is a story.

I created this playlist.

Our relationship.

Taylor Swift style.

Lets begin.

Enchanted

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonder-struck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
This night is flawless, don't you let it go
I'm wonder-struck, dancing around all alone
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you

Jump Then Fall

I like the way you sound in the morning
We're on the phone and without a warning
I realize your laugh is the best sound
I have ever heard
I like the way I can't keep my focus
I watch you talk, you didn't notice
I hear the words but all I can think is
We should be together
Every time you smile, I smile
And every time you shine, I'll shine for you

Sparks Fly

If you want to know the story

go here:

Drop everything now, Meet me in the pouring rain.

I promise.

It's a great story.

Our Song

Our song is the slamming screen door
Sneakin' out late, tapping on your window
When we're on the phone and you talk real slow
'Cause it's late and your mama don't know
Our song is the way you laugh
The first date man, I didn't kiss her and I should have
And when I got home, 'fore I said amen
Asking God if He could play it again

Crazier

You lift my feet off the ground
Spin me around
You make me crazier, crazier
Feels like I'm falling and I
I'm lost in your eyes
You make me crazier,

I'm Only Me When I'm With You

I'm only up when you're not down.
Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground.
It's like no matter what I do.
Well you drive me crazy half the time;
the other half I'm only trying to let you know that what I feel is true.
And I'm only me when I'm with you.

The Other Side of The Door


With your face, and your beautiful eyes
And the conversation
With the little white lies.
And the faded picture
Of a beautiful night
You carried me from your car
up the stairs
And I broke down cryin'
Was she worth this mess?
After everything and that little black dress
After everything I must confess,
I need you

Mine


You said, "I remember how we felt sitting by the water
And every time I look at you, it’s like the first time
I fell in love with a careless man’s careful daughter
She is the best thing that’s ever been mine."
Hold on, make it last
Hold on, never turn back

Ok. This deserves a story.
Because it is one of my favorites.

So it was our last date.
We just got done eating dinner at Outback
and he were headed to the Brit's apartment to spend our second to last night together.
Little thing about Elder.
He HATES Taylor Swift.
Can't stand her.
I don't know why.
But this song came out and I was completely obsessed because it reminded me of him perfectly.
So on our way to the apartment,
this song came on the radio.
I totally flipped.
I blasted it.
And started belting at the top of my lungs.
He didn't like that too much.
He kept trying to turn it down, but I insisted.
Then... We got lost.
He had no idea where we were.
Okay given... we were on University Parkway in Provo
but we did not know how to get to the Brit's apartment.
So here I am.
Belting and singing, trying to convince him of my love.
He is screaming at me to shut up and is about to blow up.
I am laughing my guts out.
He suddenly pulls over to the side of the busy street.
Leans over me and opens my door.
He clearly states that
 if I as so much make another little giggle I can walk home.
I look him in the eye.
And let out the biggest giggle ever giggled on the planet.
Before I could even comprehend what happened,
He leaped out of his seat and tackled me,
out of the car,
and there we laid on the grass of University Parkway.
With his body on top of mine he whispers
"I'll make you pay for that."
And the tickling and kissing began.
I couldn't move.
Nor did I want to.
So that song is dear to me.
We decided it could be one of our songs.
Well... I did.
He didn't approve.
But I believe it was appropriate.

Today Was A Fairytale

Can you feel this magic in the air?
It must have been the way you kissed me
Fell in love when I saw you standing there
It must have been the way
Today was a fairytale


This song is the song of our last date.
Because indeed,
he did wear a dark gray t-shirt and I did wear a dress.
And I did fall in love.

Long Live

Long live the walls we crashed through
While the kingdom lights shined just for me and you
I was screaming, long live all the magic we made
And bring on all the pretenders, I'm not afraid
Long live all the mountains we moved
I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you
I was screaming, long live the look on your face
And bring on all the pretenders, one day we will be remembered

This is the theme song of our relationship.
It truly is.

Ours

Seems like there's always someone who disapproves
They'll judge it like they know about me and you
And the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do
The jury's out, but my choice is you
So don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
And life makes love look hard
The stakes are high
The waters rough
But this love is ours

Superman

And I watch you fly around the world
And I hope you don't save some other girl
Don't forget, don't forget about me.
I'm far away but I'll never let you go
I'm lovestruck and looking out the window
Don't forget, don't forget where I'll be
Right here wishing the flowers were from you
Wishing the card was from you
Wishing the call was from you
'Cause I've loved you from the very first day

Breathe


Music starts playin like the end of a sad movie
It's the kind of ending you don't really wanna see
'Cause it's tragedy
And it'll only bring you down
Now I don't know what to be without you around
And we know it's never simple
Never easy
Never a clean break
No one here to save me
You're the only thing I know
Like the back of my hand
And I can't breathe without you, 
But I have to


If This Was A Movie

Listen for yourself.
It's my theme song for my life right now.


Tim Mcgraw


But when you think Tim McGraw
I hope you think my favorite song
The one we danced to all night long
The moon like a spotlight on the lake
When you think happiness
I hope you think that little black dress
Think of my head on your chest
And my old faded blue jeans
When you think Tim McGraw
I hope you think of me


And I hope when he gets back our life will still follow...


Mary's Song


Well, I was sixteen when suddenly
I wasn't that little girl you used to see
But your eyes still shined like pretty lights
And our daddies used to joke about the two of us
They never believed we'd really fall in love
And our mamas smiled and rolled their eyes
And said oh my my my...
Take me back to the creek beds we turned up
Two A.M. riding in your truck and 
all I need is you next to me
Take me back to the time we had our very first fight
The slamming of doors instead of kissing goodnight
You stayed outside till the morning light
Oh my my my my
A few years had gone and come around
We were sitting at our favorite spot in town
And you looked at me, got down on one knee...






Thank you Taylor Swift for writing my life.
It helps.
A lot.

16 more to go.
I can do this.
1/3 of the way done.
That's exciting.

Miss you Elder.

If Only This Brain Would Shut Down.

in·som·ni·a/inˈsämnēə/

Noun: Habitual sleeplessness; inability to sleep.

I suffer.

False.

I believe the correct term is

noc·tur·nal/näkˈtərnl/

Adjective: Done, occurring, or active at night

Sleep is unattainable at night time.

Impossible.

My mind is racing at the speed of light.

I can't stop thinking about a boy I might lose due to stupidity.

How I might have single handedly destroyed something I really cared about.

How it might all be over.

But is it for the better?

What if this other proposal works out nicely?

What do I do?

I need to go on a drive with this young fellow.

Talk about what we both want.

Where we stand.

Why does he have to be on the other side of the country?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I don't like this.

But I don't take it back.

Not one bit.

No regrets.

Because you only live once.

And life is about taking chances and just...

Living.

And being a stupid teenager.

Which I am.

Oh the jumblings of my mind.

It will all work out.

I hope.

And I will have the best summer of my life.

Regardless of my current situation.

Now brain,

Please sleep.

Now.

And...

Shut off.

RIGHHHHHHHHHTTTTTTT

Now.

Dang it.

Still awake.

Sleeping Beauty.

Once upon a time.

I slept for 16 hours.

In one day.

Welcome to my summer.

It's my escape.

The end.

Right Around The Corner.

If a June night could talk, it would probably boast it invented romance.  
Bern Williams

The summer night is like a perfection of thought.
Wallace Stevens



Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass on a summer day listening to the murmur of water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is hardly a waste of time. 
John Lubbock


Summer afternoon - summer afternoon; to me those have always been the two most beautiful words in the English language.
Henry James

Summer. Summer. Summer.

I can smell it.

Taste it.

It's in the air.

Make it come fast.

FASTER.

Yesterday,

I went to my concert.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

BRUNO.

I THINK I WANT TO MARRY YOU.

get it?

JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.

BECAUSE I WOULD CATCH A GRENADE FOR YOU.

Best. Night. Ever.

Here are some pictures.

This was my date.

What a winner.

The night was amazing.

Amazing.

Like...

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I'm speechless.

Fantastic.

Today felt like

SUMMMMMEEEEEERRRRRR.

I didn't go to first period.

Because that is completely over-rated.

During second, things got better.

I thought I had a much over due fine..

But.

I don't.

So.

I get my yearbook!

During precalc,

I left.

And I went into the hall to see my Crush.

We were given a dare.

It might happen in the summer.

Maybe.

Hopefully.

What?

Then I jumped into my best friend's car.

Good ol' Billy Jean.

We went to Cafe Rio.

I ate a WHOLE burrito by myself.

Pure heaven.

I went back to the school to discuss grades with my teachers.

We duct-taped a girl to the lockers instead of going to fourth period.

I giggled.

A lot.

Then we went swimming.

Kind of.

Then we made cookies.

Then a sophomore serenaded me on a piano.

I sat and listened.

I thought about how good life is.

I was in my swimming suit and cover up.

Laying on the couch.

There was no worry of homework or a test coming up.

I have a very special boy in my life.

The one that gives me butterflies.

Summer is right around the corner.

I go to Lake Powell next week.

Grades are done.

Finished.

I survived my junior year.

No more stress for the next three months.

I have the bestest friends in the world.

My little red-headed sister.

My soul sister.

My Romeo.

My favorite sophomore.

My almost-step-sister/cousin.

I am so blessed.

I love my life.

Plus I got to wear a skirt today.

SUMMMMEEERRR.

I love you.

Hello, This Was My Week.

Once upon a time Linsey never wrote on her blog.

The end.

Lets start with Wednesday:

I went to a choir concert.

And might I just say,

My school is oh so talented.

I sat by my romeo.

Our secret love....

It's fantastic.

After I arrived home I had the privledge of watching the American Idol Finale.

SCOOOTTTTTTYYYYYY!!!

My boy.

My love.

I called it from the very beginning.

He will be a legend.

Thursday:

Two words.
Bad. Day.
Do you ever have those days when nothing goes your way,
when teachers don't work with you,
when friends act silly,
when fate hates you,
when a certain boy ignores your existance,
when you have 170000000 things to do and so little time,
and you really just want a chocolate bar?

Yep.
That was my life.

That night we had our Dance Co banquet.
I wanted to cry.
It was so hard being with my entire Company for the last time.
But I was comforted.
We have so many great memories together.
We are sisters.
As cliche as it sounds,
We can't cry because it's over,
we should smile because it happened.
I will never forget Dance Company 2010 - 2011.
A true sisterhood.

Friday:

One of the best days I have had in the longest time.
At lunch,
A tailgate party was held on the band field.
Hot dogs were eaten,
and memories were made.
A complete success.
Then came the state championship baseball game.
I had the privilege to sit by my dear Crush through out the entire game.
BONDDINNNG definitely occurred.
Man.... I will write a little bit more about that later.
We lost.
But second in state is not that bad right?
It's actually quite amazing.
Then came Powder Puff.
Stupid seniors.
I hate you.
All of you.
And your cheating ways.
GRRRRR.
I got a real cool jersey that some lovelies made for me.
It sported the number 26 along with the name of "Puffs" on the back.
May I just say I love that shirt?
A lot.
Then came Cavestock.
Talk about your craziness.
At first everything went quite well.
Doing my free period I got work with the cotton candy.
A literal dream come true.
I am easily entertained.
Sue me.
Then the rain came.
Usually I'm a fan of water falling from the sky but not when we are holding an outside dance with expensive electronics that must be out of H20's way.
So,
the chaos began.
The rain meant we had to bring everything in.
Every chair.
Every table.
Every piece of equipment.
By the end I was a soaking wet mess that really needed a power nap.
Might I just say,
when things need to get done,
I turn into a different person.
My priorities are shifted and I run around like a mad women trying to get things done.
And things we a lot easier because my dear Crush was by my side for the most of the night.
He helped me with everything.
I really appreciated it.
He made me smile.
A lot.
Then Momo and I decided to take a break and wrestle in the grass.
One of the best ideas I have ever had.
She is a little monster.
I like a challenge.

Yep.
We are that cool.
Notice the jersey. Number 26.
Booyahhh.

After about an hour of endless clean up the dance began.
And I partied.
It was very hot.
I became very sweaty.
But did that stop me from dancing with my Crush?
NO SIRR.
American Fork High School is just so school.
At one point in the evening my red headed little sister, a little sophy I admire with all my heart,
and I decided to stand on the benches and dance.
Pretty soon,
our whole little group was on those old piles of wood partying like
 there was no tomorrow.
Towards the end of the night,
They played a song of unity and the whole school linked arms and stood in a big circle.
We all shifted back and forth.
Looking at each other's faces.
Looking at the seniors who are off to bigger and better things.
Wanting to cry.
But smiling thinking of all the memories.
We all shouted ah-chil-le-le.
For the last time.
It was a great end.
Not to mention,
I danced with my Crush.
Twice.
That's right.
And all I have to say is I believe I have fallen quite hard for the kid.
Never in my life had I thought it would have developed into this.
He is amazing.
I have never met a more amazing boy.
He makes me swoon.
And giggle.
And... man.
Not to mention he improved immensely as a dancer.
Mainly, we worked on dips and spins.
Magical.
We had a moment.
I am the luckiest girl to ever walk this planet.
But at the same time,
I am terrified.
I don't know how to conduct myself.
I don't know what to do.
Hello seventh grade.
That is what I feel like.
Let the pieces fall where they may, I like to say.
Cavestock.
Success.
Pure happiness.
I love my life.
Very much.

A Late Night and A Stupid Movie.

It is 3:16.

I am still awake.

How?

I am asking myself the same question.

Tonight, this morning to be exact,

I went to the midnight premiere of this fine movie.

I watched the first fifteen minutes,

then slept like a baby for the next hour.

I do not know how that happened.

I didn't like the ending.

It doesn't make sense.

A few questions I have.

What was the purpose of the pig?

Where did the mermaid take the priest?

How in the world did the mermaid get into the fountain of youth?

Did I miss something?

Man.

I want my money back.

On our way to the Megaplex theater,

my two red headed long lived childhood friends and I,

decided to document the night.

We're special.

Very special.

At one point in the evening,

I was somehow left to guard the car,

while every other member of our party went into the gas station.

Typical Linsey situation.

So as I sat in the car all by my lonesome,
in hopes to entertain myself,

I took out my camera.

I have always had the biggest pet peeve.

When girls take pictures of themselves, 

in the passenger side of the car 

or

infront of the mirror.

I HATE IT.

I can't exactly explain why.

I don't like it.

Soo... I decided to make a tribute.

Please enjoy some lovely photos.

Like I said before,

Lovely.

Am I right?

If you ever wonder what Linsey enjoys doing in her spare time,

well, 

this is it.

Anyways,

I love late nights.

After my many distractions I am finishing this post at 3:51.

Time for some sleepy-sleep.

Ladies and gentlemen.
I bid thee farewell.

Rain Rain Go Away.

Roller coasters.

They are so fun.

Especially when you are discussing emotions.

Last night I couldn't sleep.

I woke up in the middle of the night sobbing.

In hysterics.

I laid in my bed for an hour holding on to old letters.

Replaying memories.

The thrashing rain outside didn't help much either.

It helped remembering the times of smiles and giggles.

It also helped with the pain.

The ache in my chest.

Pounding.

Cracking.

Today was Elder's sixth month mark.

Six. Months.

Ouch.

I can't believe it.

Six months without the boy I fell head over heals for.

The boy that changed me.

Changed my ways,

Changed my outlook on life.

The boy that pushed me to be my best.

He brought out the very best in me.

He kissed me.

And cherished every moment.

He lifted me out of the darkness and helped my testimony grow leaps and bounds.

I was in love.

And you humbuggers who believe that true love doesn't exist in high school?

I am sad for you.

The feelings between me and Elder were real.

Strong.

Powerful.

I have never been so happy.

And that is happiness you are pushing away.

You'll understand eventually.

It's the best.

I woke up this morning,

late as usual.

I rushed to get ready for a dear SBO meeting.

I turned on my Linkin Park,

trying to block out all thoughts.

I put on a scarf.

A pink one.

I thought it would help brighten my mood.

I went to my meeting.

Smiling at everyone,

praying they could see the disguise.

I sprinted to seminary knowing the spirit was the only thing that would heal my broken heart.

We talked about families.

And love.

Perfect.

I love my life.

Not.

I had a test in second.

Fail.

Once again,

I love my life.

Math has always been my favorite subject.

Everything has a rule.

It is constant.

Never changing.

Numbers are numbers.

Formulas are formulas.

And for OCD fanatics like Linsey?

Ya, math calms me.

So third passed with flying colors.

At lunch,

I saw him and her sitting at the lunch table.

She loves him.

He adores her.

I looked away before my eyes began to swell with tears.

It is hard to see couples in love,

when you are falling apart at the seams.

I didn't look at them again.

During fourth I saw my Crush.

I was in the hall, he walked by.

Stitch.

He smiled at me.

I smiled back.

Stitch.

The pain stopped momentarily.

I wished him luck at his game.

He said he would look out for me.

This time the smile wasn't forced, it was authentic.

I went to the soccer game.

My Crush is a stud.

He talked to me after.

I forgot about my pain, 

it almost... vanished.

I like to believe it was the fresh air and fresh thinking.

Maybe just maybe,

it's the fact that I see that there is still hope for me.

That this pain won't last forever.

I might one day be able to have the 10th day of the month come 

and not fall apart.

I don't know.

Maybe.

Arriving home,

I got a text from a special boy.

He simply asked me if I was going to the baseball game tomorrow.

It made all the difference in the world.

I felt special.

Remembered.

Isn't crazy how just a little text and some loving words can change your whole day?

Once again.

Roller coaster.

But I am a broken hearted teenage girl.

What do you expect?

A Little Day in the Life of Linsey.

I texted my Crush.

He made me smile.

And I was acting like my crazy self.

Can you believe that?

I know.

Big steps.

Big steps!


I took my AP exam today.
BARF.
It actually went quite well.
I'm almost sure that I passed.
Can I get a hip-hip-hooray for college credit?
HIP-HIP-HOORAY!

I took a four hour nap today.

Yes,

I am so behind on my sleep to the point where I collapsed on my bed.

And I still behind.

But it was a good day.

Smile at everyone you see.

It will brighten their day.

And yours.

Try it. 

Naps. Naps are good.

Once upon time there lived a young lassie named Linsey.

She was a very sleep deprived child who can never quite function right due to no rest.

Arriving at her prison chamber, aka high school, at 6:45 sharp,

She was able to take Council pictures, as well as measure for a sweater.

What a sight.

The young girl was squealing and jumping with joy as the realization of future began to unfold.

At one point, her new council was standing in a circle.

She looked around at each individual member,

and had an unyielding love for every one.

She saw her new family and smiled.

Almost brought to tears.

She was an emotional little thing.

It's common.

Once the bell rang, she venture off to the building of the lord.

The young girl adored Seminary, loving to learn of the gospel.

As soon as she entered the room, she carefully sat down her belongings.

The child laid her head on the desk and was out before another thought could enter her head.

The bell awoke her.

She missed the entire lesson.

She was a walking zombie.

Not knowing where she was going, what class she had next, or even her own thoughts.

With a single phone call to her mother, she went home.

The lassie took at nap from 9:30 to 1:00.

Yes, she slept through all the hours of the school day.

What a wonderful day this young girl experienced.

She returned to school to talk to her new old friend, that alone made her day.

She admires him.

Quite a bit.

The end.

I like friends.

And sleep.

Now I would like to retire to my room of slumber and sweet pleasant dreams.

Til then,

Sleep tight all members of the blogosphere.

Goodnight.