The Awkward Life. It's Normal.

On a scale of one to awkward,

how weird was my day?

AWWKKWAAARRDDDD.

Lets start from the beginning, shall we?

My alarm didn't go off.

I woke up late.

That's always a great way to start of the day.

I rushed to practice my fitness routine.

For the pageant.

Someone shoot me now.

I was late.

My teacher was mad.

I had to leave early.

She wasn't pleased.

With a slicked ponytail and the awkwardest of polos

I headed off to the parade.

I don't quite know why...

But I shut off when I'm around my council.

I don't know what to say.

How to act.

What's right and what's wrong.

I just become very quiet.

It's an issue.

The parade was hot.

Very hot.

We chanted and threw bouncy balls at little children's heads.

I would say it was a definite success.

At the end of the parade, I jumped off our little trailor.

Slowly, I drug my feet along the blackened concrete.

I lifted my head towards the warm sky,

and smiled.

As my eyes shifted downward, there they were.

Walking in their red uniforms, hair in a bow.

Before I could even think,

My legs took off into a sprint.

I took out the red head.

She didn't even see me coming.

The tackling and hugs began.

My three cheerleaders.

I pulled away and looked at my life.

There stood my bestestestest friends.

In their cheer uniforms, with the personae of a champions.

I looked down and saw my charchoal polo hanging loosely.

For a split second,

I wished things were diferent

I wished I wasn't an SBO.

I wished they weren't cheerleaders.

In that moment I would have given my liver and kidney

to go back to how things used to be.

Dance Company.

Our sisterhood.

We were one.

No difference.

But as I snapped back to reality I realized that those thoughts were silly.

If things never changed, 

how would we ever grow?

So I put on a smile for them and told them how my summer had been.

I hugged each of them.

And stood there as they walked away in their little skirts.

It was hard.

It was really hard.

I walked back to our little trailer and didn't say a word the whole drive back.

I gave two of my favorite council members rides home.

The entire time holding back tears.

Some news was dropped on my head like a bomb.

I was crushed.

All I wanted to do was sleep.

I walked in my door and hugged my mother.

In that moment,

the tears released.

I let all the pain out.

The lonliness.

The saddness.

Everything.

Once I was done with my little episode,

I crawled onto my couch.

And passed out for the next 6 hours.

Didn't I tell you sleep is my cure to depression?

Ya, I was out for the count.

I woke up.

Took a shower.

I had to clean all my emotions off.

Got decently ready,

and headed off to be with my cheerleaders.

I needed them.

I needed reassurance that we really would be best friends forever.

And we had fun.

I could tell they were distant... 

But that's okay.

I was too.

We went to the car show.

The carnival.

We had a barbeque.

Then the fireworks.

And let me tell you,

Everyone and their dog was there.

And this is where the awkwardness roles into play.

I saw all my seniors.

My heart leaped every time I saw one of their smiling faces.

I saw my sophomores.

Now that put a smile on my face.

My asian.

My best friend.

It was great.

They made lots of jokes.

I laughed and shook it off.

Awkward moment number one.

I take it back.

I hate sophomores.

Their immaturity astounds me.

Then I saw the boy that created quite a mess in my life.

I tried to act natural.

My usual smilely self.

But someitmes...

Things just naturally get awkward.

And jokes are made.
There is that oh so awkward I eye contact.
Then...
 The two of us just busted up laughing.
Because we are close.
And what happened isn't a secret.
So we walked halfway to my car.
Came up with an awkward handshake.

Talking to another friends I turn the corner and my life honestly froze.
For a split second all I could hear was my fluttering heart.
I didn't know whether to run.
Or whether to go up and talk to them.
So instead I just stood there as awkwardly as possible.
Typical.
The four of us.
She loved him.
They were best friends.
He kissed me.
That boy was my crush.
They were close
Now.
We don't talk.
They like each other.
We're close friends.
They don't talk.
There still kind of friends.
And everything has switched.
And we all know it.
So here we are.
All trying to act normal when inside we are literally having a heart attack.
I tried to stay calm.
Smile as much as I could.
And a little too soon,
I said goodbye.
Hyperventilating a little bit,
I turned the corner.

And I took off into a sprint.
Across the entire school and the parking lot.
I had to get my stress out some way.
Once I reached the seminary building I fell to the ground.
I cried for a bit.
What a mess I had made of my life.
Seriously.

I proceeded to drive home,
blasting T-Swift.

My life.
So awkward.
But you know what?
It's definitely interesting...
And I think I can live with that.

Friday. Friday. Friday is my favorite day.

I love Fridays.

Yes I do.

I love Fridays,

How about you?

I love when for first period you sit on the ground

and play monopoly for an hour.

When you actually understand what is going on in chemtistry.

I love when your teacher lets you leave in the middle of class to get Gandy's.

I love lunch sides and when teachers bare their testimony.

I love Dance Company.

When we run and run and run.

When we collapse in the middle of the field because we are all so out of shape.

Cartwheels and rolling down big green hills.

Playing tag.

Ending in the fetal position.

I love being with best friends in the sunshine.

Smiling and laughing.

Without a care in the world.

I LOVE SOCCER GAMES.

I hate that today marked the end of the season.

I love soccer players.

Sitting in the blistering heat with your best friend.

Talking about cereal. A special kind.

I love when the boys on the bleachers break out into song.

I love when a dear sophomore grabs my hand and serenades me with his beautiful voice.

I enjoy him.

I love feeling giddy.

And blushing.

I love watching the JV game with... well... you know who. :)

I want to cry at the fact that soccer games will cease to exist now.

But I love the memories.

All of them.

 I had to take a picture of the lovely group of boys serenading the crowd during halftime.

I like them.

WE LOVE SOCCER!

Great season boys.

We will really get em next year.

I love Texas Roadhouse.

And steak.

And potatoes. 

And their rolls.

Oh man... The rolls.

And embarrassing moments.

You know how I love those.

I love watching eight episodes of Modern Family.

Laughing my guts out.

I love nights at home,

with my sisters and mama.

I absolutely adore and completely obsessed with

Justin Beiber 

and his movie.

I love watching it twice in a row.

And when your best friend slash cousin understands your undying passion.

When her infatuation might exceed your own.

I love him.

So much.

With all my heart and soul.

I love my life.

Every part of it is beautiful.

Everything has happened for a reason.

I have never been so happy.

So motivated.

So ready.

Bring it on.

Rain Rain Go Away.

Roller coasters.

They are so fun.

Especially when you are discussing emotions.

Last night I couldn't sleep.

I woke up in the middle of the night sobbing.

In hysterics.

I laid in my bed for an hour holding on to old letters.

Replaying memories.

The thrashing rain outside didn't help much either.

It helped remembering the times of smiles and giggles.

It also helped with the pain.

The ache in my chest.

Pounding.

Cracking.

Today was Elder's sixth month mark.

Six. Months.

Ouch.

I can't believe it.

Six months without the boy I fell head over heals for.

The boy that changed me.

Changed my ways,

Changed my outlook on life.

The boy that pushed me to be my best.

He brought out the very best in me.

He kissed me.

And cherished every moment.

He lifted me out of the darkness and helped my testimony grow leaps and bounds.

I was in love.

And you humbuggers who believe that true love doesn't exist in high school?

I am sad for you.

The feelings between me and Elder were real.

Strong.

Powerful.

I have never been so happy.

And that is happiness you are pushing away.

You'll understand eventually.

It's the best.

I woke up this morning,

late as usual.

I rushed to get ready for a dear SBO meeting.

I turned on my Linkin Park,

trying to block out all thoughts.

I put on a scarf.

A pink one.

I thought it would help brighten my mood.

I went to my meeting.

Smiling at everyone,

praying they could see the disguise.

I sprinted to seminary knowing the spirit was the only thing that would heal my broken heart.

We talked about families.

And love.

Perfect.

I love my life.

Not.

I had a test in second.

Fail.

Once again,

I love my life.

Math has always been my favorite subject.

Everything has a rule.

It is constant.

Never changing.

Numbers are numbers.

Formulas are formulas.

And for OCD fanatics like Linsey?

Ya, math calms me.

So third passed with flying colors.

At lunch,

I saw him and her sitting at the lunch table.

She loves him.

He adores her.

I looked away before my eyes began to swell with tears.

It is hard to see couples in love,

when you are falling apart at the seams.

I didn't look at them again.

During fourth I saw my Crush.

I was in the hall, he walked by.

Stitch.

He smiled at me.

I smiled back.

Stitch.

The pain stopped momentarily.

I wished him luck at his game.

He said he would look out for me.

This time the smile wasn't forced, it was authentic.

I went to the soccer game.

My Crush is a stud.

He talked to me after.

I forgot about my pain, 

it almost... vanished.

I like to believe it was the fresh air and fresh thinking.

Maybe just maybe,

it's the fact that I see that there is still hope for me.

That this pain won't last forever.

I might one day be able to have the 10th day of the month come 

and not fall apart.

I don't know.

Maybe.

Arriving home,

I got a text from a special boy.

He simply asked me if I was going to the baseball game tomorrow.

It made all the difference in the world.

I felt special.

Remembered.

Isn't crazy how just a little text and some loving words can change your whole day?

Once again.

Roller coaster.

But I am a broken hearted teenage girl.

What do you expect?

Endurance.

Today in Seminary,

Our lesson was on 

How To Cope When You Are Having A Bad Day.

Isn't it crazy that Heavenly Father knows exactly what you need?

And he blesses you with understanding?

It's outstanding.

I love my Heavenly Father very very much.

We were shown this video:

My poor Seminary class.

I bawled.

Hopelessly.

Through out this entire thing.

It is so inspirational.

My favorite lines:

"I pray, I get answers, and I do it."

"To me, beauty and motherhood are one."

 "There are moments in my life when my spirits taps my heart 

to remind me just why I mortally exist."

My dear bloggers and friends,

Please listen for the moments when your spirit taps your heart.

When the holy ghost whispers in that still small voice.

When you grow.

When you are strengthened.

When your testimony is strengthened.

Doctrine and Covenants 121

7 My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;

8 And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.

Endurance.

That is the word we must focus on.

The scriptures never say we can't be upset.

That we can't be frustrated.

That we can't cry.

All it says is that we must endure with faith.

We must endure with the Savior by our side.

45 Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul as the dews from heaven.