The Awkward Life. It's Normal.

On a scale of one to awkward,

how weird was my day?

AWWKKWAAARRDDDD.

Lets start from the beginning, shall we?

My alarm didn't go off.

I woke up late.

That's always a great way to start of the day.

I rushed to practice my fitness routine.

For the pageant.

Someone shoot me now.

I was late.

My teacher was mad.

I had to leave early.

She wasn't pleased.

With a slicked ponytail and the awkwardest of polos

I headed off to the parade.

I don't quite know why...

But I shut off when I'm around my council.

I don't know what to say.

How to act.

What's right and what's wrong.

I just become very quiet.

It's an issue.

The parade was hot.

Very hot.

We chanted and threw bouncy balls at little children's heads.

I would say it was a definite success.

At the end of the parade, I jumped off our little trailor.

Slowly, I drug my feet along the blackened concrete.

I lifted my head towards the warm sky,

and smiled.

As my eyes shifted downward, there they were.

Walking in their red uniforms, hair in a bow.

Before I could even think,

My legs took off into a sprint.

I took out the red head.

She didn't even see me coming.

The tackling and hugs began.

My three cheerleaders.

I pulled away and looked at my life.

There stood my bestestestest friends.

In their cheer uniforms, with the personae of a champions.

I looked down and saw my charchoal polo hanging loosely.

For a split second,

I wished things were diferent

I wished I wasn't an SBO.

I wished they weren't cheerleaders.

In that moment I would have given my liver and kidney

to go back to how things used to be.

Dance Company.

Our sisterhood.

We were one.

No difference.

But as I snapped back to reality I realized that those thoughts were silly.

If things never changed, 

how would we ever grow?

So I put on a smile for them and told them how my summer had been.

I hugged each of them.

And stood there as they walked away in their little skirts.

It was hard.

It was really hard.

I walked back to our little trailer and didn't say a word the whole drive back.

I gave two of my favorite council members rides home.

The entire time holding back tears.

Some news was dropped on my head like a bomb.

I was crushed.

All I wanted to do was sleep.

I walked in my door and hugged my mother.

In that moment,

the tears released.

I let all the pain out.

The lonliness.

The saddness.

Everything.

Once I was done with my little episode,

I crawled onto my couch.

And passed out for the next 6 hours.

Didn't I tell you sleep is my cure to depression?

Ya, I was out for the count.

I woke up.

Took a shower.

I had to clean all my emotions off.

Got decently ready,

and headed off to be with my cheerleaders.

I needed them.

I needed reassurance that we really would be best friends forever.

And we had fun.

I could tell they were distant... 

But that's okay.

I was too.

We went to the car show.

The carnival.

We had a barbeque.

Then the fireworks.

And let me tell you,

Everyone and their dog was there.

And this is where the awkwardness roles into play.

I saw all my seniors.

My heart leaped every time I saw one of their smiling faces.

I saw my sophomores.

Now that put a smile on my face.

My asian.

My best friend.

It was great.

They made lots of jokes.

I laughed and shook it off.

Awkward moment number one.

I take it back.

I hate sophomores.

Their immaturity astounds me.

Then I saw the boy that created quite a mess in my life.

I tried to act natural.

My usual smilely self.

But someitmes...

Things just naturally get awkward.

And jokes are made.
There is that oh so awkward I eye contact.
Then...
 The two of us just busted up laughing.
Because we are close.
And what happened isn't a secret.
So we walked halfway to my car.
Came up with an awkward handshake.

Talking to another friends I turn the corner and my life honestly froze.
For a split second all I could hear was my fluttering heart.
I didn't know whether to run.
Or whether to go up and talk to them.
So instead I just stood there as awkwardly as possible.
Typical.
The four of us.
She loved him.
They were best friends.
He kissed me.
That boy was my crush.
They were close
Now.
We don't talk.
They like each other.
We're close friends.
They don't talk.
There still kind of friends.
And everything has switched.
And we all know it.
So here we are.
All trying to act normal when inside we are literally having a heart attack.
I tried to stay calm.
Smile as much as I could.
And a little too soon,
I said goodbye.
Hyperventilating a little bit,
I turned the corner.

And I took off into a sprint.
Across the entire school and the parking lot.
I had to get my stress out some way.
Once I reached the seminary building I fell to the ground.
I cried for a bit.
What a mess I had made of my life.
Seriously.

I proceeded to drive home,
blasting T-Swift.

My life.
So awkward.
But you know what?
It's definitely interesting...
And I think I can live with that.

I'm Back.

Sorry blog.

I have disappeared. 

I have been busy.

Girls camp was amazing.

Truly.

Exactly what I need.

I LOVED IT.

Our theme was Tangled.

We watched it three times.

Life was good.

The children of the Ward.

I adore them.

Every single one of them.

A life sized Rapunzel.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

I about died when I sawher.

The little sister.

We're princesses. 

We have endured six years of girls camp with each other.

SIX YEARS.

Long nights in tents.

Torturous hikes.

Rain storms.

Friendship bracelets.

Awful canoe rides.

Tears.

Manny many tears.

Love you Madison.

You'll always be my ward sista.

The beehives in my room.

Most of the time I don't feel like a Laurel.

These Beehives teach me everything.

I admire them.

Saturday night was spent with my girl Justine.

Our lives were shared.

We went and saw the fireworks.

I love fireworks.

Sunday I was asked to give a talk in Sacrament meeting about camp.

I was asked to speak on our theme.

Which meant...

My talk was based off Tangled.

Best. Talk. Ever.

It went well.

And great.

And fantastic.

I love speaking.

I love voicing my thoughts and my opinions.

Weird I know.

Today...

Was rough.

Busy is a better word.

I worked for six hours.

Worked on my solo for two.

Doesn't sound like a lot.

But I can't move.

I like my couch.

It's my friend.

I think I am going to go swing tonight.

Wish me luck :)

If Only This Brain Would Shut Down.

in·som·ni·a/inˈsämnēə/

Noun: Habitual sleeplessness; inability to sleep.

I suffer.

False.

I believe the correct term is

noc·tur·nal/näkˈtərnl/

Adjective: Done, occurring, or active at night

Sleep is unattainable at night time.

Impossible.

My mind is racing at the speed of light.

I can't stop thinking about a boy I might lose due to stupidity.

How I might have single handedly destroyed something I really cared about.

How it might all be over.

But is it for the better?

What if this other proposal works out nicely?

What do I do?

I need to go on a drive with this young fellow.

Talk about what we both want.

Where we stand.

Why does he have to be on the other side of the country?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I don't like this.

But I don't take it back.

Not one bit.

No regrets.

Because you only live once.

And life is about taking chances and just...

Living.

And being a stupid teenager.

Which I am.

Oh the jumblings of my mind.

It will all work out.

I hope.

And I will have the best summer of my life.

Regardless of my current situation.

Now brain,

Please sleep.

Now.

And...

Shut off.

RIGHHHHHHHHHTTTTTTT

Now.

Dang it.

Still awake.

Right Around The Corner.

If a June night could talk, it would probably boast it invented romance.  
Bern Williams

The summer night is like a perfection of thought.
Wallace Stevens



Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass on a summer day listening to the murmur of water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is hardly a waste of time. 
John Lubbock


Summer afternoon - summer afternoon; to me those have always been the two most beautiful words in the English language.
Henry James

Summer. Summer. Summer.

I can smell it.

Taste it.

It's in the air.

Make it come fast.

FASTER.

Yesterday,

I went to my concert.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

BRUNO.

I THINK I WANT TO MARRY YOU.

get it?

JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.

BECAUSE I WOULD CATCH A GRENADE FOR YOU.

Best. Night. Ever.

Here are some pictures.

This was my date.

What a winner.

The night was amazing.

Amazing.

Like...

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I'm speechless.

Fantastic.

Today felt like

SUMMMMMEEEEEERRRRRR.

I didn't go to first period.

Because that is completely over-rated.

During second, things got better.

I thought I had a much over due fine..

But.

I don't.

So.

I get my yearbook!

During precalc,

I left.

And I went into the hall to see my Crush.

We were given a dare.

It might happen in the summer.

Maybe.

Hopefully.

What?

Then I jumped into my best friend's car.

Good ol' Billy Jean.

We went to Cafe Rio.

I ate a WHOLE burrito by myself.

Pure heaven.

I went back to the school to discuss grades with my teachers.

We duct-taped a girl to the lockers instead of going to fourth period.

I giggled.

A lot.

Then we went swimming.

Kind of.

Then we made cookies.

Then a sophomore serenaded me on a piano.

I sat and listened.

I thought about how good life is.

I was in my swimming suit and cover up.

Laying on the couch.

There was no worry of homework or a test coming up.

I have a very special boy in my life.

The one that gives me butterflies.

Summer is right around the corner.

I go to Lake Powell next week.

Grades are done.

Finished.

I survived my junior year.

No more stress for the next three months.

I have the bestest friends in the world.

My little red-headed sister.

My soul sister.

My Romeo.

My favorite sophomore.

My almost-step-sister/cousin.

I am so blessed.

I love my life.

Plus I got to wear a skirt today.

SUMMMMEEERRR.

I love you.

Time To Move On And Invite The Summer.

Tonight is the night I have been waiting for.

Tonight I will see one of my musical icons in person.

And he shall sing for me.

I will sing back.

And we will have a moment.

A boy will be next to me.

One that makes me happier than anyone else.

I hope we dance.

I know I will.

This is his first concert.

I hope it will be special for him.

Because I know it will be for me.

The concert is being at the UCCU center.

I found this out on Friday.

And I almost canceled this little party.

I went up to my room.

I hyperventilated a bit.

After a nap and some craisins,

I pulled myself together.

The last time I entered that center, I went to a concert.

An amazing one in fact.

BOB, Iyaz, and Jason Derulo.

All in one.

I do not enjoy music like that,

but Elder did.

And he wanted me to go with him.

So I went.

And well,

you know how that went.

That was our first date.

Our first connection.

And serendipitously, tonight I shall be sitting one row lower in the same section.

Yes.

Almost to exact same seats.

Elder has been on my mind A LOT lately.

And it's been hard.

Really hard.

Utah County has decided to turn into Seattle.

Rain. Rain. Rain.

Memories. Memories. Memories.

Not to mention,

I am falling for another boy.

Quite fast, and quite hard.

Despite my little cracks and broken heart,

I have let myself trust.

Have faith.

But I can't help but have Elder constantly there in the back of my head.

I know its over.

But all those emotions and feeling I have been trying to repress are opening up again.

But for someone else.

It is terrifying.

I can't get Elder out.

I know he has forgotten about me.

Why can't I forget about him?

And just move on?

Ugh.

I hate love.

I love love.

Summer will help.

No more school, no more stress.

I will just be free.

Completely free.

Summer is the time when girls go barefoot, 

and their hearts are just as free as their toes.

I am not going to hold back.

I know I will have regrets if I do.

I won't let thoughts of Elder drag me down.

I am going have faith.

I love the Notebook.

It makes me smile.

It makes me cry.

Here is a quote I have altered. 

I believe it fits my life.

Enjoy.

My Dearest Elder. 

I couldn't sleep last night because I know that it's over between us. I'm not bitter anymore, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I'll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given me. That's what I hope to give to you forever. 
I love you. I'll be seeing you. Love, Linsey. 

Ahhhh. Teehee.

I like the way you sound in the morning

We're on the phone and without a warning

I realize your laugh is the best sound I have ever heard

I like the way I can't keep my focus

I watch you talk you didn't notice

I hear the words but all I can think is we should be together

Every time you smile, 

I smile

and every time you shine,

 I'll shine for you

Whoa oh I'm feeling you baby

Don't be afraid to jump then fall,

 jump then fall into me 

Baby, I'm never gonna leave you,

Say that you wanna be with me too

Cause I'm gonna stay through it all so jump then fall

Well, I like the way your hair falls in your face

You got the keys to me I love each freckle on your face, oh,

I've never been so wrapped up, 

Honey, I like the way you're everything I've ever wanted

I had time to think it all over and all I can say is come closer,

Take a deep breath and jump then fall into me

Every time you smile, I smile

And every time you shine, I'll shine for you

Whoa oh I'm feeling you baby

Don't be afraid to jump then fall, 

jump then fall into me 

Baby, I'm never gonna leave you,

Say that you wanna be with me too

Cause I'm gonna stay through it all so jump then fall

The bottom's gonna drop out from under our feet

I'll catch you, I'll catch you

When people say things that bring you to your knees,

I'll catch you

The time is gonna come when you're so mad you could cry

But I'll hold you through the night until you smile

Whoa oh I need you baby

Don't be afraid please

jump then fall, jump then fall into me

Baby, I'm never gonna leave you,

Say that you wanna be with me too

Cause I'm gonna through it all so jump then fall

Jump then fall baby

Jump then fall into me, into me

Every time you smile, 

I smile

and every time you shine,

 I'll shine

And every time you're here Baby,

 I'll show you, I'll show you

you can jump then fall,

 jump then fall,

jump then fall into me,

 into me 

Yeah.

Bloggers.

I believe I have fallen.

I am giggly.

Tehe.

I'm going to the Bruno Mars concert tomorrow.

I.

Can't.

Wait.

Take a moment to examine what I shall experience.

Hello, This Was My Week.

Once upon a time Linsey never wrote on her blog.

The end.

Lets start with Wednesday:

I went to a choir concert.

And might I just say,

My school is oh so talented.

I sat by my romeo.

Our secret love....

It's fantastic.

After I arrived home I had the privledge of watching the American Idol Finale.

SCOOOTTTTTTYYYYYY!!!

My boy.

My love.

I called it from the very beginning.

He will be a legend.

Thursday:

Two words.
Bad. Day.
Do you ever have those days when nothing goes your way,
when teachers don't work with you,
when friends act silly,
when fate hates you,
when a certain boy ignores your existance,
when you have 170000000 things to do and so little time,
and you really just want a chocolate bar?

Yep.
That was my life.

That night we had our Dance Co banquet.
I wanted to cry.
It was so hard being with my entire Company for the last time.
But I was comforted.
We have so many great memories together.
We are sisters.
As cliche as it sounds,
We can't cry because it's over,
we should smile because it happened.
I will never forget Dance Company 2010 - 2011.
A true sisterhood.

Friday:

One of the best days I have had in the longest time.
At lunch,
A tailgate party was held on the band field.
Hot dogs were eaten,
and memories were made.
A complete success.
Then came the state championship baseball game.
I had the privilege to sit by my dear Crush through out the entire game.
BONDDINNNG definitely occurred.
Man.... I will write a little bit more about that later.
We lost.
But second in state is not that bad right?
It's actually quite amazing.
Then came Powder Puff.
Stupid seniors.
I hate you.
All of you.
And your cheating ways.
GRRRRR.
I got a real cool jersey that some lovelies made for me.
It sported the number 26 along with the name of "Puffs" on the back.
May I just say I love that shirt?
A lot.
Then came Cavestock.
Talk about your craziness.
At first everything went quite well.
Doing my free period I got work with the cotton candy.
A literal dream come true.
I am easily entertained.
Sue me.
Then the rain came.
Usually I'm a fan of water falling from the sky but not when we are holding an outside dance with expensive electronics that must be out of H20's way.
So,
the chaos began.
The rain meant we had to bring everything in.
Every chair.
Every table.
Every piece of equipment.
By the end I was a soaking wet mess that really needed a power nap.
Might I just say,
when things need to get done,
I turn into a different person.
My priorities are shifted and I run around like a mad women trying to get things done.
And things we a lot easier because my dear Crush was by my side for the most of the night.
He helped me with everything.
I really appreciated it.
He made me smile.
A lot.
Then Momo and I decided to take a break and wrestle in the grass.
One of the best ideas I have ever had.
She is a little monster.
I like a challenge.

Yep.
We are that cool.
Notice the jersey. Number 26.
Booyahhh.

After about an hour of endless clean up the dance began.
And I partied.
It was very hot.
I became very sweaty.
But did that stop me from dancing with my Crush?
NO SIRR.
American Fork High School is just so school.
At one point in the evening my red headed little sister, a little sophy I admire with all my heart,
and I decided to stand on the benches and dance.
Pretty soon,
our whole little group was on those old piles of wood partying like
 there was no tomorrow.
Towards the end of the night,
They played a song of unity and the whole school linked arms and stood in a big circle.
We all shifted back and forth.
Looking at each other's faces.
Looking at the seniors who are off to bigger and better things.
Wanting to cry.
But smiling thinking of all the memories.
We all shouted ah-chil-le-le.
For the last time.
It was a great end.
Not to mention,
I danced with my Crush.
Twice.
That's right.
And all I have to say is I believe I have fallen quite hard for the kid.
Never in my life had I thought it would have developed into this.
He is amazing.
I have never met a more amazing boy.
He makes me swoon.
And giggle.
And... man.
Not to mention he improved immensely as a dancer.
Mainly, we worked on dips and spins.
Magical.
We had a moment.
I am the luckiest girl to ever walk this planet.
But at the same time,
I am terrified.
I don't know how to conduct myself.
I don't know what to do.
Hello seventh grade.
That is what I feel like.
Let the pieces fall where they may, I like to say.
Cavestock.
Success.
Pure happiness.
I love my life.
Very much.

Please Start Now. Yes, I Would Like That.

Ah-ha moments.

Priceless.

Do you ever have those moments when all the pieces fit?

Where every thought clicks?

And makes perfect sense?

I had a few of those on Saturday.

Maybe more than a few.

It started out with a service project.

Picking up the trash in American Fork.

My dear group had the joyful task of walking from In-N-Out to Cold Stone.

I brought a friend.

*Place giggle here*

I was told I was completely useless because it was impossible to stay concentrated.

Hm.

I don't understand what they are talking about.

I adore these girls.

I'm a total loser for not getting a picture with my friend.

Ugh.

I spent the rest of the day with my soul sister.

It in insane how you can be the exact opposite of a person,

but at the same,

you find your other half.

She's the artistic one.

Writing, photography, art,

the whole shibang.

I'm the logical one.

I like numbers and patterns.

Consistency.

Symmetry.

OCD.

Being best friends is having one soul in two bodies.

I found my other half.

We maybe so different,

but we are givers.

We will give EVERYTHING to those we care about.

Do anything for them.

Listen to their joys and rejoice with them.

Discuss little details and over analyze every portion as girls love to do.

Listen to stories of heartbreak and comfort,

even when we are dying inside.

Serve the ones we love in every way possible.

I always knew I did this.

But never have I met someone willing to open up to me,

as she has.

The more we talked, the more we began to realize we both made SBO for many reasons.

One of the top reasons?

To become soul sisters.

And we are.

And I love her.

I am so blessed to have this young lassie in my life.

We went to yard sales.

Went grocery shopping.

We played with kitties and puppies.

See for yourself.

Look at my little Simba.

What a gem.

The old and new council member had a little party.

I was abnormally quiet.

I still feel like the odd girl out.

Soon, my odd ways will be accepted and I will have a family with my council.

But for now...

I'm scared.

I'm scared I won't fit it.

That I will be looked at as this random child on council,

that doesn't really belong.

I know once my council sees the true me,

they will welcome me with open arms.

But I am in transition right now.

With friends,

with myself.

I am changing.

And I know it.

Love it, to be precise.

Ah-ha.

I spent half my night with my SBO ladies.

And that is when things clicked.

I looked around, and I felt loved.

And cared for.

When it comes to a Blue,

such as myself,

there is not a greater feeling.

I can already tell,

we are going to be so so close.

I can't wait.

  

Dear StuCo,

I would really appreciate it if you would start now.

I would love to have a family.

My dream is to walk up to all the members and each of them to smile and accept me.

That would be nice.

You are a major blessing in my life, and as I count my many,

I do not want you to go waste.

I want to start now.

This very moment.

I love you.

With all my heart.

Thank you.

For everything.

Please make my senior year the best one ever.

I would really like that.

With all my heart,

Linsey.

Well... Yep. This Is It.

Major case of bloggers block.

I have nothing to say.

Other than...

I NEED SUMMER NOW!

I mean now.

This very instant.

Please.

Life is fantastic.

All is well.

I like friends.

They are neat.

I don't know what I would do without my red headed little sister.

She completes me.

I want student council to officially start.

Then all my dreams might come true.

I found out my Crush reads this blog where I poor out my emotions.

Well,

there's the end of those stories.

Disney Scene?

Well,

it is not really Disney.

The Swan Princess.

Easily my favorite princess movie.

Ever.

When I was seven,

my mommy had a lady in our ward sew me my own custom dress,

so I could be just like Odette.

Far Longer Than Forever:

Please skip the annoying beginning seconds.