The Awkward Life. It's Normal.

On a scale of one to awkward,

how weird was my day?

AWWKKWAAARRDDDD.

Lets start from the beginning, shall we?

My alarm didn't go off.

I woke up late.

That's always a great way to start of the day.

I rushed to practice my fitness routine.

For the pageant.

Someone shoot me now.

I was late.

My teacher was mad.

I had to leave early.

She wasn't pleased.

With a slicked ponytail and the awkwardest of polos

I headed off to the parade.

I don't quite know why...

But I shut off when I'm around my council.

I don't know what to say.

How to act.

What's right and what's wrong.

I just become very quiet.

It's an issue.

The parade was hot.

Very hot.

We chanted and threw bouncy balls at little children's heads.

I would say it was a definite success.

At the end of the parade, I jumped off our little trailor.

Slowly, I drug my feet along the blackened concrete.

I lifted my head towards the warm sky,

and smiled.

As my eyes shifted downward, there they were.

Walking in their red uniforms, hair in a bow.

Before I could even think,

My legs took off into a sprint.

I took out the red head.

She didn't even see me coming.

The tackling and hugs began.

My three cheerleaders.

I pulled away and looked at my life.

There stood my bestestestest friends.

In their cheer uniforms, with the personae of a champions.

I looked down and saw my charchoal polo hanging loosely.

For a split second,

I wished things were diferent

I wished I wasn't an SBO.

I wished they weren't cheerleaders.

In that moment I would have given my liver and kidney

to go back to how things used to be.

Dance Company.

Our sisterhood.

We were one.

No difference.

But as I snapped back to reality I realized that those thoughts were silly.

If things never changed, 

how would we ever grow?

So I put on a smile for them and told them how my summer had been.

I hugged each of them.

And stood there as they walked away in their little skirts.

It was hard.

It was really hard.

I walked back to our little trailer and didn't say a word the whole drive back.

I gave two of my favorite council members rides home.

The entire time holding back tears.

Some news was dropped on my head like a bomb.

I was crushed.

All I wanted to do was sleep.

I walked in my door and hugged my mother.

In that moment,

the tears released.

I let all the pain out.

The lonliness.

The saddness.

Everything.

Once I was done with my little episode,

I crawled onto my couch.

And passed out for the next 6 hours.

Didn't I tell you sleep is my cure to depression?

Ya, I was out for the count.

I woke up.

Took a shower.

I had to clean all my emotions off.

Got decently ready,

and headed off to be with my cheerleaders.

I needed them.

I needed reassurance that we really would be best friends forever.

And we had fun.

I could tell they were distant... 

But that's okay.

I was too.

We went to the car show.

The carnival.

We had a barbeque.

Then the fireworks.

And let me tell you,

Everyone and their dog was there.

And this is where the awkwardness roles into play.

I saw all my seniors.

My heart leaped every time I saw one of their smiling faces.

I saw my sophomores.

Now that put a smile on my face.

My asian.

My best friend.

It was great.

They made lots of jokes.

I laughed and shook it off.

Awkward moment number one.

I take it back.

I hate sophomores.

Their immaturity astounds me.

Then I saw the boy that created quite a mess in my life.

I tried to act natural.

My usual smilely self.

But someitmes...

Things just naturally get awkward.

And jokes are made.
There is that oh so awkward I eye contact.
Then...
 The two of us just busted up laughing.
Because we are close.
And what happened isn't a secret.
So we walked halfway to my car.
Came up with an awkward handshake.

Talking to another friends I turn the corner and my life honestly froze.
For a split second all I could hear was my fluttering heart.
I didn't know whether to run.
Or whether to go up and talk to them.
So instead I just stood there as awkwardly as possible.
Typical.
The four of us.
She loved him.
They were best friends.
He kissed me.
That boy was my crush.
They were close
Now.
We don't talk.
They like each other.
We're close friends.
They don't talk.
There still kind of friends.
And everything has switched.
And we all know it.
So here we are.
All trying to act normal when inside we are literally having a heart attack.
I tried to stay calm.
Smile as much as I could.
And a little too soon,
I said goodbye.
Hyperventilating a little bit,
I turned the corner.

And I took off into a sprint.
Across the entire school and the parking lot.
I had to get my stress out some way.
Once I reached the seminary building I fell to the ground.
I cried for a bit.
What a mess I had made of my life.
Seriously.

I proceeded to drive home,
blasting T-Swift.

My life.
So awkward.
But you know what?
It's definitely interesting...
And I think I can live with that.

Right Around The Corner.

If a June night could talk, it would probably boast it invented romance.  
Bern Williams

The summer night is like a perfection of thought.
Wallace Stevens



Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass on a summer day listening to the murmur of water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is hardly a waste of time. 
John Lubbock


Summer afternoon - summer afternoon; to me those have always been the two most beautiful words in the English language.
Henry James

Summer. Summer. Summer.

I can smell it.

Taste it.

It's in the air.

Make it come fast.

FASTER.

Yesterday,

I went to my concert.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

BRUNO.

I THINK I WANT TO MARRY YOU.

get it?

JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.

BECAUSE I WOULD CATCH A GRENADE FOR YOU.

Best. Night. Ever.

Here are some pictures.

This was my date.

What a winner.

The night was amazing.

Amazing.

Like...

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I'm speechless.

Fantastic.

Today felt like

SUMMMMMEEEEEERRRRRR.

I didn't go to first period.

Because that is completely over-rated.

During second, things got better.

I thought I had a much over due fine..

But.

I don't.

So.

I get my yearbook!

During precalc,

I left.

And I went into the hall to see my Crush.

We were given a dare.

It might happen in the summer.

Maybe.

Hopefully.

What?

Then I jumped into my best friend's car.

Good ol' Billy Jean.

We went to Cafe Rio.

I ate a WHOLE burrito by myself.

Pure heaven.

I went back to the school to discuss grades with my teachers.

We duct-taped a girl to the lockers instead of going to fourth period.

I giggled.

A lot.

Then we went swimming.

Kind of.

Then we made cookies.

Then a sophomore serenaded me on a piano.

I sat and listened.

I thought about how good life is.

I was in my swimming suit and cover up.

Laying on the couch.

There was no worry of homework or a test coming up.

I have a very special boy in my life.

The one that gives me butterflies.

Summer is right around the corner.

I go to Lake Powell next week.

Grades are done.

Finished.

I survived my junior year.

No more stress for the next three months.

I have the bestest friends in the world.

My little red-headed sister.

My soul sister.

My Romeo.

My favorite sophomore.

My almost-step-sister/cousin.

I am so blessed.

I love my life.

Plus I got to wear a skirt today.

SUMMMMEEERRR.

I love you.

Rain Rain Go Away.

Roller coasters.

They are so fun.

Especially when you are discussing emotions.

Last night I couldn't sleep.

I woke up in the middle of the night sobbing.

In hysterics.

I laid in my bed for an hour holding on to old letters.

Replaying memories.

The thrashing rain outside didn't help much either.

It helped remembering the times of smiles and giggles.

It also helped with the pain.

The ache in my chest.

Pounding.

Cracking.

Today was Elder's sixth month mark.

Six. Months.

Ouch.

I can't believe it.

Six months without the boy I fell head over heals for.

The boy that changed me.

Changed my ways,

Changed my outlook on life.

The boy that pushed me to be my best.

He brought out the very best in me.

He kissed me.

And cherished every moment.

He lifted me out of the darkness and helped my testimony grow leaps and bounds.

I was in love.

And you humbuggers who believe that true love doesn't exist in high school?

I am sad for you.

The feelings between me and Elder were real.

Strong.

Powerful.

I have never been so happy.

And that is happiness you are pushing away.

You'll understand eventually.

It's the best.

I woke up this morning,

late as usual.

I rushed to get ready for a dear SBO meeting.

I turned on my Linkin Park,

trying to block out all thoughts.

I put on a scarf.

A pink one.

I thought it would help brighten my mood.

I went to my meeting.

Smiling at everyone,

praying they could see the disguise.

I sprinted to seminary knowing the spirit was the only thing that would heal my broken heart.

We talked about families.

And love.

Perfect.

I love my life.

Not.

I had a test in second.

Fail.

Once again,

I love my life.

Math has always been my favorite subject.

Everything has a rule.

It is constant.

Never changing.

Numbers are numbers.

Formulas are formulas.

And for OCD fanatics like Linsey?

Ya, math calms me.

So third passed with flying colors.

At lunch,

I saw him and her sitting at the lunch table.

She loves him.

He adores her.

I looked away before my eyes began to swell with tears.

It is hard to see couples in love,

when you are falling apart at the seams.

I didn't look at them again.

During fourth I saw my Crush.

I was in the hall, he walked by.

Stitch.

He smiled at me.

I smiled back.

Stitch.

The pain stopped momentarily.

I wished him luck at his game.

He said he would look out for me.

This time the smile wasn't forced, it was authentic.

I went to the soccer game.

My Crush is a stud.

He talked to me after.

I forgot about my pain, 

it almost... vanished.

I like to believe it was the fresh air and fresh thinking.

Maybe just maybe,

it's the fact that I see that there is still hope for me.

That this pain won't last forever.

I might one day be able to have the 10th day of the month come 

and not fall apart.

I don't know.

Maybe.

Arriving home,

I got a text from a special boy.

He simply asked me if I was going to the baseball game tomorrow.

It made all the difference in the world.

I felt special.

Remembered.

Isn't crazy how just a little text and some loving words can change your whole day?

Once again.

Roller coaster.

But I am a broken hearted teenage girl.

What do you expect?

From The Girl Who Can't Be Seen.

May I ask question?

Please?

And will you answer sincerely?

Am I invisible?

Am I translucent?

Because certain male individuals at American Fork High School 

see right past me

and don't even acknowledge my existence.

At all.

I have never been so frustrated in my life.

You talk to a boy.

You smile and laugh and have quite an amazing time.

But once you arrive at school,

that friendship ceases to exist.

I know that it is in fear that certain people are watching.

Judging every moment.

I am so sick of it.

Almost raging.

ORRRRR.

A certain male, as well as yourself, get so extremely flustered every time you come in contact,

conversation never happens.

Why must I be shy in times such as these?

Seriously.

I am just a little upset.

I have invisible written on my forehead.

And that is something I will have to live with.

A curse I have been given.

Man.

I hate high school.

The end.

Thank you for listening.

Awkward Moments And All.

I think I am so funny.

Truly.

I do.

Sometimes I enjoy silly pranks and I try my hardest to create awkward moments.

They are the best.

I get a kick out of it.

So today,

I made cookies with my red headed little sister.

Peanut Butter with Hershey kisses slapped in the middle.

My favorite.

I decided to take some to Wonderboy and write him a letter.

Because he deserves it.

So as I got permission to head over to his abode to drop off the little present,

my red headed sister was quite unpleased that she had to leave so early in the night.

We concocted a secret plan.

She was to hide in the trunk and listen to our conversation.

At one point,

when I say the code phrase of,

"Man... Life is just super duper grand!"

she was going to bang and smash and freak out to scare the living daylights out of Wonderboy.

It was genius.

So the adventure began.

I thought the night would be spend chatting in my car for Cally to hear,

but nope.

We decided to play basketball.

I was attempting to talk loud enough over the pounding of the ball hitting the cement,

so that my suffocating friend could hear the conversation.

At one point in the evening,

Wonderboy had to go inside for Family Prayer.

He told me just to play basketball and that he would be out momentarily.

As soon as he entered the building,

I sprinted to my car.

Twisting my key into the rear end.

Miss McCall gasped in a breath of fresh air.

She was dying.

It's fine.

We began to rediscuss the secret mission when I heard the door open and voices speaking.

I slammed the trunk door in her face and sprinted back to my previous place.

Acting as though nothing had ever happened.

We began our simply game of ball once more.

Before I knew it,

Wonderboy's neighbor friend came to spend some time with us.

He told Wonderboy that he had something to tell him that I couldn't hear.

I walked away and entertained my self with a few missed baskets.

I looked back and saw him shaking his head laughing.

"Why is someone in your trunk?"

"Uhhh... What are you talking about?"

I said trying to act as innocent as possible.

"Here. Lets take a look."

I tried everything in my power to stop him from approaching my car.

Too bad I'm just this weak little duckling.

He lifted my trunk to see McCall,

laying in my trunk,

half smiling,

half in shock.

I have never laughed so hard in my entire existence.

Truly.

I fell to the ground.

He reported that I was the weirdest person.

And I must agree.

I mean who else hides their best friends in the trunk of their cars?

For entertainment?

Only Linsey.

It's normal.

Man.

What a night.

Try to create an awkward moment.

You will not regret it.

No matter how stupid you feel afterward,

it is quite the story to tell.

Try it.

Please.

An Eventful Weekend.

Within the last 48 hours

I have never learned so much about myself.

Honestly.

My limits.

My strengths.

My weaknesses.

The things that make me truly happy.

Experiences that makes me weep.

True love being reunited.

Friendships on the fritz.

Late nights and deep secrets.

Man.

My life.

Someone help me.

It all started Thursday night.

My best friend slash newly made cheerleader

slept over at my house.

As we laid in my bed,

we talked 

and talked

and talked.

Until 2 am.

Don't forget I had to be at the school by 6:45 for SBO training.

We discussed our senior year and the changes that are coming.

I asked her how she felt.

Her answer stated

that she felt like I was giving up on her.

On our friendship.

That I am not going to fight for things to stay the same.

That shocked me.

I know it is something worth fighting for,

but when life gets started and things get crazy,

I just thought growing apart was inevitable.

Maybe I am crazy.

She says I am.

It doesn't have to be that way.

And I agree.

My mind took on a new look on this whole deal.

It will all be okay.

No matter what.

That night was our last concert.

The last time American Fork Dance Company 2010-2011

would ever dance together.

The last time with my seniors.

The last time with my best friends.

It was a very emotional night.

It started with a devotional

and the most beautiful speech by our one and only manager,

Benjamin Wright.

He his words made us weep.

So powerful.

He then sang us a song about family and love.

And how a team is one.

I lost it.

I bawled, 

Hysterically.

My make up was horribly ruined.

Which is fine.

I didn't really care.

I just wanted to give the show of our lives.

And we did.

Let me tell you.

That concert was amazing.

Perfect.

Every dance had passion.

We danced not as individuals,

but as a team.

We did it for each other.

The crowd was amazing.

The feeling of getting on that stage and performing a piece that you have put

blood, sweat, and tears into,

dancing with your best friends,

and expressing yourself in an artistic out-of-body way,

it is beyond words.

It is a whole new world of expressing emotions.

Ideas.

Inner most thoughts.

It is incredible.

Afterward, the entire company went to Pizza Factory.

What a treat.

I have never belly-gut laugh more in my life.

Our manager might be the funniest person alive.

I devoured food and loved every second of it.

At one point in the evening,

I received a phone call.

I excused myself from the table and ran outside.

Answering the phone, I was shocked to hear the voice that spoke my name.

My best friend.

The one person that has made the biggest influence on my life.

I cannot believe I have not mentioned him on this blog before because

he is the reason I am who I am today.

I had not talked to him in 5 months.

He had disappeared from my life entirely.

We got to the point where we knew each other too well,

we would try to tick each other off,

and just fought.

All. The. Time.

But here he was.

On the phone, ready to talk.

I about died.

Tears began to flow from my eyes.

I had missed him so much.

I smile cheek to cheek as a waterfall came crashing over it.

We talked for a bit.

He cracked some old time jokes,

and I laughed.

It was just comforting to hear his voice and that he was doing well.

I returned back to the table with my food ready to eat.
I indulged myself.

Afterward a few of the ladies had a night of
slumber and hot tubbing.
Secrets were shared
and stories of first kisses were told.

Saturday morning was spent at Kneaders
with my SBO soul sister.
We discussed boys and love.
Let me tell you.
She is one insightful little lassie.
I have been contemplating between two amazing men.
I had no idea.
So she gave me a bit of advice.
Flip a coin.
My response is the same as yours right now.
Why would you base your future on probability?
But there is a catch.
As soon as you flip the coin,
a name will pop into your head.
The name of who you hope it will land on.
And that is the boy you really want to be with.
So I did it.
And it worked.
I will let you know how that plays out.
After leaving, we had a very dramatic experience.
She was in tears.
I was her comforter.
My problem is,
I take on other peoples emotions as my own.
When I reached my home,
my body was shaken and my thoughts were unclear.

The rest of the night was spent cleaning,
and baking,
and singing.
I love nights at home.
They are just very comforting.

Today,
I went and saw my old best friend.
We cried.
I feel uneasy.
I don't know how to respond to what is happening.
My life is a whirlwind.
It is only going to get crazier.
Help.
My emotions are all tussled.
I don't know how I feel about anything at the current moment.
It will all work out though.
Won't it?

I Love My Life. The End.

I have dissappeared.

Does this ever happen?

No.

Honestly?

I haven't had one moment to sit down and

report the events of my life.

How eventful have they been?

EXTREMELY.

Let me please explain.

I have been having the time of my life.

More stressed than I thought I could ever physically handle.

A total of 20 hours of sleep in the past 5 days?

YEP!

Walking zombie right here.

I have never blushed harder than Saturday night.

I smile cheek to cheek just thinking about it.

AHHH.

A Few Highlights:

Soccer games.

Of Course.

That isn't even a question.

Last Friday as well as this one.

I have sat through the heat, snow, and hail

in order to support my Crush.

Oh, the things I do for him.

If he only knew.

My Crush actually came over to my house on Saturday!

I think it was a dream.

I am not quite sure.

Because I had a blast.

And I wasn't even awkward.

That alone is a miracle.

The night was filled with

Just Dance 2,

Hypnotizing,

and Humiliation.

But I won't go into that.

Lets just say,

I had an amazing night.

And my crush on this young man is as strong as ever.

The main reason for my disappearance would be my

attempts to run and campaign for 

STUDENT BODY OFFICER.

Yes.

This past week:

I did not go to bed before 2 am every night.

I had to edit the most ridiculous video.

Watch it please

Yep, this my creation.

It sucks.

Please don't judge me.

I had to pass out endless amounts of Smarties 

and talk to the most random people.

It was fantastic.

This last week was full of

tears, screams, laughter, and deep talks.

Monday I had my interview.

Lets say,

I think I did quite well.

We were asked to dance in different genres.

I brought Wonderboy up and made him dance with me

instead of getting into my interpretive dance moves.

I answered from the heart.

I felt awesome afterward.

Tuesday through Thursday,

I harassed people.

I give them candy,

They vote for me.

Simple process.

Actually it was one of the most stressful parts,

but hey,

I had fun doing it.

Finally, Friday came.

The new officers were picked,

and the poor canidates had to wait until

10:45 to find out at the elections dance.

I threw up in the morning.

Too much anxiety for my taste.

The day was filled with tears and stress.

I just wanted to know.

I can handle rejection.

My senior year would be awesome either way.

I just wanted to know.

The current SBO's had a barbeque for us.

And let me tell you,

It was more of a testimony meeting than anything.

It was outstanding.

Yes, I cried.

Shocker right?

Then,

We headed off to the dance.

Can I just say that I love dances?

I kind of go crazy.

But that is what's fun right?

After spending the next hour of my life partying it up,

the canidates were called to the Cafiteria.

They thanked us for running.

They gave us letters.

Mine, specifically, was from Wonderboy.

That just made my night.

The canidates then proceeded to hike to the top of the bleachers 

opposite of our posters.

This is how it goes.

From the top of the bleachers to the bottom

laid ten giant posters.

On each one there was the name of a current SBO.

At the very top of each poster,

was another poster of equal length,

for the new SBO council rolled up very tightly.

And one by one, you watch the posters drop.

And pray your name is on one of them.

So the dropping began.

First poster: No Luck.

Second poster: Try again.

Third poster: Oh, she will be awesome.

Fourth poster: Nope, well so long, it was fun while it lasted.

Fifth poster (rolled down by the one and only Wonderboy): 

LINSEY BROWN

Somebody please pinch me now.

Please.

I am in a dream.

This cannot be real.

I am a Student Body Officer.

If you would of asked me a year ago,

no, try three months ago,

if I would ever be an SBO?

I would say that you were crazy and I had no chance.

But Heavenly Father has a plan for every single one of his children.

And this is the answer to my prayers.

Every. Single. One. Of. Them.

It's amazing.

My testimony has never been so strong.

I am so blessed.

The night proceeded by wearing Wonderboy's sweater.

Yes, he rolled down my poster so I got to wear his holy sweater.

I screamed.

I cried.

I recieved many hugs and congratulations.

My Crush even came and gave me a hug.

Baby steps. 

WOOT WOOT!

I have never been so happy.

My testimony is stronger than ever.

I now am a 

Student Body Officer

for 2011-2012.

I will render service to my fellow man.

I can change this school.

But more importantly,

I can impact lives.

Little by little.

I cannot wait.

Life is perfect right now.

I could not ask for anything more.

I love my New Council.

Every single one of them are incredible.

BETTER WATCH OUT!

The class of 2012 is coming your way.

And we will never stop.

This is going to be the greatest Senior year EVER!

A Night To Remember.

Lets get down to business.

To defeat, the huns.

PROM.

A glorious day.

 The date.

Austin Steadmen.

Or should I say,

A complete stud muffin.

My best friend through out all the junior high years.

One of my closest friends.

He is a total sweetheart.

For our day date, we went rock climbing at The Quarry.

And let me tell you,

rock climbing destroys your body.

After the first climb,

my arms were shaking and I was done.

So I helped my date the majority of the time.

Now my forearms are oh so sore,

but I would have to say the day date was a success.

Then I got ready.

The very very very best part of prom.

Getting dressed up like a princess or a movie star.

You were the dress of your dreams.

You feel so special.

On top of the world.

Well, this was the out come.

 An over all look.

 The hair.

 Could I move in that dress? Nope.

 The back.

 A close up.

Just me.

I love this dress.

With all my heart.

When my date came to pick me up,

That is when I saw our transportation.

Two words:

Hummer. Limo.

Ask me if a scream escaped my throat when I saw it?

It did. 

I felt like a complete movie star.

With the best date around.

Every boy wanted their date to feel the joy and excitement I felt when I first saw the limo.

So, we picked up 

EVERY. GIRL.

Two hours later,

We finally made it to pictures.

Then to dinner.

It was the greatest food.

I stuffed myself.

Have I ever mentioned my love of food?

It's kind of a problem.

Once we rolled back into the limo,

our dates popped out the Martinelli's.

Oh Baby.

How cool did I feel?

Riding in a hummer limo,

with my fantastic date,

music blasting in the background,

partying with my best friends,

drinking sparkling cider?

PRETTY DARN COOL!

My attempts to be rebel. Epic. Fail.

Finally, at 10:15, we made it to the dance.

I saw all my friends in the their beautiful dresses.

Every single one of them looked dazzling.

Best lookin girls I have ever seen.

Here is a little secret about Linsey at dances.

I got nuts.

Absolutely insane.

Why?

Because I can.

With my awkward interpreted dance moves.

I pretty much hit anyone within a five foot radius of me.

It's awesome.

Best part of the dance?

Guess.

At one point, I found my red headed little sister.

She looked so grown up.

I shed a tear.

I went to go dance with her for one song,

this being her first dance ever.

And before I knew it, there was my Crush.

Dancing like a crazy man.

It was awesome.

I felt so cool.

COMPLETELY on top of the world.

At one point I saw Wonderboy and his lovely date.

It was during a slow song,

and I just watched as he serenaded her with his voice of an angel.

They are so in love.

I had to look away.

I felt embarrassed watching such a strong connection take place.

It made me giddy just looking at them.

I am soo happy for the couple.

They both deserve the world.

Finally, the dance came to a close.

We watched a movie at one of the boy' house.

We laughed, and fell asleep.

It was a good calming end to a fantastic night.

Highlights:

The Fantastic Date.

The Food.

The Limo.

The Dress.

The Dance.

Prom.

Such a special night.

I will remember this forever.

Gratitude. A Simply Thing.

Sometimes in life, you have to learn to be grateful.

Gratitude is primary factor in being happy.

It is being thankful for what has happened, and rejoicing for what is to come.

The only people with whom you should try to get even are

 those who have helped you.  

John E. Southard

If you have lived, take thankfully the past.  

John Dryden

I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought;

 and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.  

G.K. Chesterton

Praise the bridge that carried you over.  

George Colman

He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, 

but rejoices for those which he has.  

Epictetus

We can only be said to be alive in those moments 

when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.

Thornton Wilder

If you want to turn your life around, try thankfulness. 

 It will change your life mightily.

Gerald Good

I am a quote gooroo. Sue me.

Lately, gratitude has been on my mind.

And my lack there of.

I love ah-ha moments.

Today I have come to the conclusion that if I gain a better sense of gratitude,

my life will be changed. 

Forever.

I need to be grateful for my time with Elder.

I need to smile for the kisses and memories we share.

I need to rejoice in the fact that he is sharing the gospel.

He is growing.

I need to be grateful for him.

I need to be grateful for everything he taught me.

Take in those lessons.

And smile.

Because those were the happiest days of my life.

I need to be grateful for this time I have to grow.

To discover new things about myself.

I need to show gratitude to my Savior for bringing Elder into my life.

Instead of crying over the fact that he is gone.

Gratitude. 

I need to be grateful for my time with Wonderboy.

I need to get over the fact that I will never be enough for him.

I need to smile at all our memories,

and be grateful for all our laughs.

I need to be grateful for the assembly.

I need to show gratitude for our little dates.

For the texts.

For the giggles and giddy feelings.

Because Heavenly Father sent Wonderboy for a reason.

I need to show gratitude for the fact that Wonderboy picked me up.

Out of the shadows and cracks of my heart.

And gave me hope.

Even if this never excels into anything more,

I need to be grateful for the role that he has played in my life.

For showing my I can live a happy life without Elder.

For now.

Gratitude.

I need to be grateful for my family.

Show appreciation to my Papa for his hard work and determination.

I need to be grateful for his persistence in change and self growth.

I need express to my mommy my love for her.

And all she does for me.

I need to be grateful for her testimony and all the years I have relied on it.

I need to be grateful for her help in building my own.

I need to grateful for giving me her eyes.

I need to be grateful for her standing by my side, even when I am wrong.

I need to express my love for my siblings.

For little Kylie, and her example to me.

For sweet Brayden, and his vivaciousness for life.

And for my dearest brother Joshua.

I need to show gratitude for his willingness to serve the lord.

Instead of wollowing in my own self pity.

I need to be grateful for his loving heart.

For his transformation into a man.

For his testimony.

For getting my loving brother back.

Gratitude.

I need to be grateful for my friends.

The true ones.

The ones that would die to give me the world. 

I need to be grateful for the friends that would bend over backwards to make me happy.

Instead of crying because of the ones I have lost.

I need to be grateful for all those who care about me.

Who try to make me smile.

Who try to brighten my day.

Gratitude.

I need to be grateful for my life.

I need to be grateful for having the blessing of the gospel.

For the Holy Ghost.

For my Patriartical Blessing.

For Young Womens.

For the scriptures.

For prayer.

I need to stop running through the motions and fully appreciate

the blessings I have been given.

Show gratitude to my big brother, The Savior, and his atonement.

For Him giving his life so I can live with my Heavenly Father again.

Gratitude.

There are so many things to be grateful for.

Express them.

Let loved ones know how much you care about them.

Let your Heavenly Father know how much you care about Him.

When you focus on what you have

instead of what you have lost, or what you could get,

your life will flip a one-eighty.

That is my challenge to you.

Show gratitude.

Smile at everyone.

Love those around you.

Be grateful for the time you have shared.

And look to better yourself.

Be thankful.

You will be happy.