Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Storms Make Trees Take Deeper Root.

Well, I might as well erase my last post.

The week we were broken up was complete hell.
I have never experienced heartache quite like that. 
And I have had my fair share.

Every success, every failure, every little thing I did,
I wanted to call him.
I wanted to tell him everything.
I wanted him to tell me every thing was going to be all right.
I wanted him.
But I couldn't call.
Because we were supposed to be broken up.
It made sense.
The whole college slash high school thing.

I just could not let him go.
Call me pathetic.
I spent every night craddled in my bed
Crying and praying.
Asking for this pain to be taken away.
That if this was the right thing then why does it still hurt this bad.

And my answer came.
I made a mistake.
A huge one.
I let go of the best thing that ever happened to me. 
And I had to get him back.

I fought long and hard for the relationship.
I fought for him.
Because I knew we could become something amazing.
And we were special.
We are special.

So I went to the Homecoming football game. 
And I wanted to kill him. 
He was acting ridiculous.
I didn't even know who he was.
I was starting to freak out.
So I told him that when he was done being rude,
He was more than welcome to come talk to me at my house after the game.

And he did.
We sat on the back of his little blue truck underneath all the stars. 
T-Swift in real life: 

I'm so glad you made time to see me.
How's life? Tell me, how's your family?
I haven't seen them in a while.

You've been good, busier than ever.
We small talk, work and the weather.
Your guard is up, and I know why.

Because the last time you saw me is still burned in the back of your mind.
You gave me roses, and I left them there to die.

So this is me swallowing my pride standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night.
And I go back to December all the time.

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine...


I poured out everything.
How much I missed him. 
That he was everything to me.
That I wanted him back.
Hoping he would forgive me.

We sat in silence for a long time.

And then he wrapped his arms around me 
and whispered in my ear,
"Its about time."
I let out a sigh of relief and cuddled into his chest.

Everything changed that very moment.

We could not stop giggling.
All of the sudden everything was hilarious.
I think it might have just been the giddiness of it all.
Or the kisses we shared.
But one thing is for sure.

I have never been so in love in my life.

I will tell anyone who asks.

I love him.
It's not that I am even swooned anymore.
It's so much deeper.
I love him and everything about him.
I love his gentleness.
And kindness.
I love the way he laughs at me.
And the way we laugh together.
I love the way he loves the Lord.
I love the way he thinks.
I love the way he speaks.
I love his passion.
I love his hands.
And the way they hold mine.
I love the way he is with my family.
He's practically the seventh Brown.
I love who he makes me.
I love who I am when I am around him.

I love everything about him.

And getting back together was the best decision I ever made.

It has made us a thousand times stronger.
We've been slightly obsessed with each other to be quite honest.
We talk on the phone at least twice a day, if not three.
I waste so much gas money.
But I don't care.
I am happiest when I am with him.

My boyfriend is in high school.
We live thirty miles apart.
We see each other only a few days a week.
And I couldn't care less.
Because he is absolutely everything to me.
And I won't be letting go of him again,
For a long, long time.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Called To Serve.

I have been called as a Relief Society Instructor in my singles ward.
Pray for me peeps.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Our Time Is Up.

Things change so fast.
One minute you're with him in your basement,
Watching Harry Potter (again) all snuggled up.
Telling secrets.
Everything is perfect and right.

And before you know it...

You're living in a big city.
You don't know anyone.
You get a job at Gold's Gym and...
Dating city.
Really though.
Within two weeks,
You've been on five dates with strangers,
and have three planned for next week.
It's exciting.
It's new.
You love life.


He's back in high school.
You live in separate worlds.
And you know it's not going to work out.
Four years is a long time.


You have to let him go.
And it kills you.
Or pretty close to it.
You spend a week of nail biting and rationalizing.
You crawl into your bed at night in hysterical sobs.
Over and over.
But you can't deny that this new life you live isn't fair to him.
And he deserves better.
Because he is the best there is.

And so it comes.

You both sit there with tears streaking down your face.
Hands held tight.
Never wanting to let go.
Because you know when you do,
Everything will be different.
Nothing will ever be the same.

And for that one moment...

We were infinite.

I love him.
I love him with every fiber of my being.
I will scream it from the roof tops.
He knows me better than anyone else.
He is my best friend.
And always will be.

That why I could do it.

Just because we don't have the title, or we don't see each other as much,
Doesn't mean we will cease to exist.

This boy gave me the summer of my dreams.
He saved me from the depths of depression.
He was an angel sent to me.
He was mine.

But now...

Heavenly Father needs him somewhere else.
He has the ability to touch lives like no one I have ever seen.
Our time is up.
He completed what Heavenly Father needed him to do.
This boy put back together a broken girl.
He showed me light.
He taught me so much about who I want to be and how to get there.


I'm going to miss him.
But it's not like he died.
He's in high school.
And dating.
And playing.
And living the life he should live.
I know he's happy,
So I try to be.

I love that boy.
And a part of me always will.