On The Horizon

Ladies and Gentlemen.

My life.

In quotes.

A new story is on the horizon.

I can feel it.

But I won't ruin the ending now.

Noooo.

That would be silly.

Just know...

The twelfth step in my heartbreak rehabilitation program is about to be complete.

There is a new man in town.

Just Watch Me.

You know what?

I'm gonna do it.

To heck with all rules and guidelines.

To heck with sanity.

All I know is I need to do this before I completely fall apart.

I got everything I need.

This could go one way or the other.

Just look at my Quote of the Day.

Wish me luck peeps.

Eight Months Gone And I'm Still Reaching.

I don't even know what to say.

8 months.

Of tears.

Of heartache.

Of lonliness.

Of trying to move on.

Of... hell.

I can't believe I have made it this far.

I'm still broken.

Completely.

So..

Instead of explaining my life,

Why not revert to Taylor Swift songs?

Because I'm pretty sure she secretly watches my life with a hidden camera.

Her songs are completely relevant to my life.

I love it.

Music is a story.

I created this playlist.

Our relationship.

Taylor Swift style.

Lets begin.

Enchanted

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonder-struck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
This night is flawless, don't you let it go
I'm wonder-struck, dancing around all alone
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you

Jump Then Fall

I like the way you sound in the morning
We're on the phone and without a warning
I realize your laugh is the best sound
I have ever heard
I like the way I can't keep my focus
I watch you talk, you didn't notice
I hear the words but all I can think is
We should be together
Every time you smile, I smile
And every time you shine, I'll shine for you

Sparks Fly

If you want to know the story

go here:

Drop everything now, Meet me in the pouring rain.

I promise.

It's a great story.

Our Song

Our song is the slamming screen door
Sneakin' out late, tapping on your window
When we're on the phone and you talk real slow
'Cause it's late and your mama don't know
Our song is the way you laugh
The first date man, I didn't kiss her and I should have
And when I got home, 'fore I said amen
Asking God if He could play it again

Crazier

You lift my feet off the ground
Spin me around
You make me crazier, crazier
Feels like I'm falling and I
I'm lost in your eyes
You make me crazier,

I'm Only Me When I'm With You

I'm only up when you're not down.
Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground.
It's like no matter what I do.
Well you drive me crazy half the time;
the other half I'm only trying to let you know that what I feel is true.
And I'm only me when I'm with you.

The Other Side of The Door


With your face, and your beautiful eyes
And the conversation
With the little white lies.
And the faded picture
Of a beautiful night
You carried me from your car
up the stairs
And I broke down cryin'
Was she worth this mess?
After everything and that little black dress
After everything I must confess,
I need you

Mine


You said, "I remember how we felt sitting by the water
And every time I look at you, it’s like the first time
I fell in love with a careless man’s careful daughter
She is the best thing that’s ever been mine."
Hold on, make it last
Hold on, never turn back

Ok. This deserves a story.
Because it is one of my favorites.

So it was our last date.
We just got done eating dinner at Outback
and he were headed to the Brit's apartment to spend our second to last night together.
Little thing about Elder.
He HATES Taylor Swift.
Can't stand her.
I don't know why.
But this song came out and I was completely obsessed because it reminded me of him perfectly.
So on our way to the apartment,
this song came on the radio.
I totally flipped.
I blasted it.
And started belting at the top of my lungs.
He didn't like that too much.
He kept trying to turn it down, but I insisted.
Then... We got lost.
He had no idea where we were.
Okay given... we were on University Parkway in Provo
but we did not know how to get to the Brit's apartment.
So here I am.
Belting and singing, trying to convince him of my love.
He is screaming at me to shut up and is about to blow up.
I am laughing my guts out.
He suddenly pulls over to the side of the busy street.
Leans over me and opens my door.
He clearly states that
 if I as so much make another little giggle I can walk home.
I look him in the eye.
And let out the biggest giggle ever giggled on the planet.
Before I could even comprehend what happened,
He leaped out of his seat and tackled me,
out of the car,
and there we laid on the grass of University Parkway.
With his body on top of mine he whispers
"I'll make you pay for that."
And the tickling and kissing began.
I couldn't move.
Nor did I want to.
So that song is dear to me.
We decided it could be one of our songs.
Well... I did.
He didn't approve.
But I believe it was appropriate.

Today Was A Fairytale

Can you feel this magic in the air?
It must have been the way you kissed me
Fell in love when I saw you standing there
It must have been the way
Today was a fairytale


This song is the song of our last date.
Because indeed,
he did wear a dark gray t-shirt and I did wear a dress.
And I did fall in love.

Long Live

Long live the walls we crashed through
While the kingdom lights shined just for me and you
I was screaming, long live all the magic we made
And bring on all the pretenders, I'm not afraid
Long live all the mountains we moved
I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you
I was screaming, long live the look on your face
And bring on all the pretenders, one day we will be remembered

This is the theme song of our relationship.
It truly is.

Ours

Seems like there's always someone who disapproves
They'll judge it like they know about me and you
And the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do
The jury's out, but my choice is you
So don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
And life makes love look hard
The stakes are high
The waters rough
But this love is ours

Superman

And I watch you fly around the world
And I hope you don't save some other girl
Don't forget, don't forget about me.
I'm far away but I'll never let you go
I'm lovestruck and looking out the window
Don't forget, don't forget where I'll be
Right here wishing the flowers were from you
Wishing the card was from you
Wishing the call was from you
'Cause I've loved you from the very first day

Breathe


Music starts playin like the end of a sad movie
It's the kind of ending you don't really wanna see
'Cause it's tragedy
And it'll only bring you down
Now I don't know what to be without you around
And we know it's never simple
Never easy
Never a clean break
No one here to save me
You're the only thing I know
Like the back of my hand
And I can't breathe without you, 
But I have to


If This Was A Movie

Listen for yourself.
It's my theme song for my life right now.


Tim Mcgraw


But when you think Tim McGraw
I hope you think my favorite song
The one we danced to all night long
The moon like a spotlight on the lake
When you think happiness
I hope you think that little black dress
Think of my head on your chest
And my old faded blue jeans
When you think Tim McGraw
I hope you think of me


And I hope when he gets back our life will still follow...


Mary's Song


Well, I was sixteen when suddenly
I wasn't that little girl you used to see
But your eyes still shined like pretty lights
And our daddies used to joke about the two of us
They never believed we'd really fall in love
And our mamas smiled and rolled their eyes
And said oh my my my...
Take me back to the creek beds we turned up
Two A.M. riding in your truck and 
all I need is you next to me
Take me back to the time we had our very first fight
The slamming of doors instead of kissing goodnight
You stayed outside till the morning light
Oh my my my my
A few years had gone and come around
We were sitting at our favorite spot in town
And you looked at me, got down on one knee...






Thank you Taylor Swift for writing my life.
It helps.
A lot.

16 more to go.
I can do this.
1/3 of the way done.
That's exciting.

Miss you Elder.

That Warm October Night.

As I lay in my bed this cold summer night,

I think back to October.

The warm pavement under my skin.

Staring at the bright stars.

Trying to count every one.

And giving up after thirty.

Laughing at myself as I tried to attempt the impossible.

He eyes stared into mine with question.

I shook my head and looked away.

Trying to sneak a peek at his perfect face,

our eyes met once more.

His face shone with curiosity.

Once more I looked away.

I didn't know why I was so embarrassed.

Not because my action or the fact that I began counting the shining lights in the sky.

More like...

I wish I could have counted the stars for him.

I wish I could have surprised him.

And given him a reason for each star.

That star is for his eyes and how they roll when I say silly things.

This one right here?

Ya, it for that one time you swung me up over your shoulder when I was too stubborn to run through the sprinklers with you. 

That one to the left is for your hands when they are laced with mine.

The one next to it, reminds me of your hair. It's a little bit redder than the rest.

And that REALLY bright one right in the middle?

It reminds me of your lips. 

Your smile. 

Your words. 

Your kisses. 

Because no matter what, 

no matter where you go, 

no one can take those experiences away from us. 

They are just ours. 

Forever. 

I couldn't say this to him.

Because there weren't enough stars that I could count.

Not even close.

So once again,

I turned not only my eyes,

but my full attention to his moon lit face.

This time he sat there impatiently.

Waiting for some explanation for my odd behavior.

"Tell me what you have been thinking."

I said.

Trying to reverse the question to distract from my idiocy.

"As you were glancing between me and the sky,

I really noticed your blue eyes.

I noticed how your nose has that little bump in the middle.

I noticed your freckles.

But most of all,

I noticed your smile.

That smile,

that honestly knows how to make me go crazy.

The smile that makes me want to smile.

The smile I have fallen for."

He looked up at the black sky with a smug little smile, know exactly what he had done.

I snuggled into his chest a little bit more

and sucked in his aroma.

His smell.

I took in this perfect moment.

I didn't wish that time would freeze.

That would be silly to waste a moment like this.

Instead,

I loved that moment.

I took it in.

I let it settle into every one of my pores.

Let it fill my body with warmth and true love.

I smiled.

Again, he looked at me.

This time demanding an answer.

I gazed up.

Grabbed his face,

and went in to describe my feelings.

Not with words,

but something more powerful.

And now,

as I sit here and reflect on that night,

I hold it close to my heart.

And I pray that when he returns with honor,

he will still remember my freckles from that warm october night.

Return Of The Grandmother. Ya Boy.

I love weekends.

Yes.

Yes, I do.

Friday night.

I spent the night watching a movie about a 

a blue headed alien.

This experience was spent with very special people.

That make me smile.

A lot.

(Place giggle here)

Today was an eventful day.

My dearest grandma returned home from her year and half long mission.

She served in the country of Paraguay.

And she loved it.

I love her.

Here are some pictures.

My beloved cousins.

I love them with all my heart.

Before my grandma descended down the stairs,

an Elder returned to his family on the other side of the room.

The family began to scream.

The missionary's face light up and his eyes were filled with tears.

As soon as his foot stepped off the escalator,

the mother sprinted over and tackled her son.

Tears.

Hugs.

Smiles.

Watching this family have their son return to them made me a little overwhelmed.

I started bawling.

The scene made me envision Elder Brown comes down those moving stairs.

More tears.

I can't wait for him to come home.

17 more months.

This is my best friend.

She is also my cousin.

Yep.

I'm that lucky.

This is my Grandma Cookie.

An official RM.

GO GRANDMA!

The massive family.

Honestly,

I am the luckiest person alive.

These are some of the best people I have ever met.

Really.

I love my family.

Families WILL be together forever.

The Adventures And Testimonials Of A Slumbering Girl.

Dreams are answers to questions we haven't yet figured out how to ask.  ~X-Files


Dreams are illustrations... from the book your soul is writing about you.  ~Marsha Norman


All the things one has forgotten scream for help in dreams.  ~Elias Canetti


Dreams are excursions into the limbo of things, a semi-deliverance from the human prison.  ~Henri Amiel


Pay attention to your dreams - God's angels often speak directly to our hearts when we are asleep.  ~Quoted in The Angels' Little Instruction Book by Eileen Elias Freeman, 1994


Dreams say what they mean, but they don't say it in daytime language.  ~Gail Godwin


In dreams, we enter a world that's entirely our own.  ~Steven Kloves

Dreams.

Have you ever experienced one so painfully real,

that you wake up from your humble sleep

with a moist forehead and strong hyperventilation?

I did.

Today.

When I got home from a never ending day of school,

I had either the option to complete several chores

or take a relaxing nap.

What would you choose?

I laid in my queen size bed,

turned on my ipod to my Elder playlist,

and began dozing off.

Suddenly I was at a movie theater.

I took a seat by my friend's mother and we started eating some of her homemade treats.

We watched some sort of show that had lots of green.

That's all I can remember.

The lights came on and they were dim.

As my little eyes were adjusting,

I turned behind myself to crack my stiff back.

I locked eyes with him.

My Elder.

Sitting in the very back.

Still wearing his church clothes,

he was hunched over with head hanging.

My breathing stopped.

He was supposed to be on a mission.

Why was he sitting in the small theater watching a screen of green?

As everyone started exiting,

I tried to push my way to him.

Everyone was in the way.

No one would let me through.

I was pushing and pushing.

Shoving and shoving.

Finally, I approached him.

He was still sitting in the exact same position with his head hung low.

I stood there,

not knowing what to say or do.

Where do I start after that letter?

Slowly,

he raised his head.

Our eyes met.

Locked.

Neither of us could look away.

My heart melted.

Those were the eyes that I feel in love with so many months ago,

the eyes that told me they loved me.

Now they only stared at me with hardness and regret.

I was taken back.

He shook his head and stood up.

He was a lot taller than I remembered.

"Linsey, I didn't expect to see you here."

"You are supposed to be on your mission. Why are you here?"

He began to explain that he came home to stop the wedding of his ex-girlfriend who he has always been in love with.

(My biggest fear, and she is in real life engaged. So. That's fine)

He turned.

And left.

Without another word.

I walked out of the theater defeated,

tears already forming in my eyes.

I entered the little girls room to wash my hands.

It's a weird tendency I have.

When something goes wrong I have to wash my hands right away.

Cleaning myself.

Interpret as you wish.

When I exited there stood my brother.

Smiling his perfect smile with a row of bright teeth.

I stared at him.

Ridiculously.

"Holy cats. YOU are supposed to be on your mission. What is going on?"

"I just wanted to come see if you were okay."

He put his arm around my shoulder and lead me to a near by bench.

Tears started to flow.

Everything I have been holding in.

All the anger.

All the hurt.

The betrayal.

The time wasted.

All the tears.

Every emotion.

I sobbed into his white ironed shirt.

I looked up at him waiting for the usual comment of:

"Linsey, stop being dramatic."

"Pull yourself together."

"You are embarrassing yourself."

Nope.

He hugged me a little tighter.

Smiled, and with a shrug, she said

"Baby sister. Everything is going to be perfect in the end. Heavenly Father loves you. Your Savior is here. Waiting for you to come to him. Don't push him away. He is here for you like I am. Please don't forget us. Please."

Once more,

I lost it.

We talked.

We discussed every issue in my life.

My new goals and hobbies.

My newly established achievements.

Heart aches and that cause of all these tears.

I had my brother back momentarily.

All too soon,

he stood up.

He told me he had to go.

I clung to his shirt, begging my best friend not to leave me.

He said duty was calling and that I will be able to talk to him on Sunday.

My mind couldn't rap around what was going on.

It was all too real.

Everything was so confusing.

I started to sprint after him,

to find no one down the hall.

Nothing.

My hands began to shake and leaned against the wall for support.

Sliding to floor,

I just remember shaking my head.

BAM.

I was in my bed.

Sitting against the backboard.

Breathing fast, sweat pouring down my face.

What is the world just happened??

Seriously.

I don't know.

I needed my brother.

He is my best friend.

And with the craziness of my life,

I was in dyer need of his advice.

I don't understand dreams.

I don't know why they exist or what purpose they serve.

But one thing is for sure.

Heavenly Father blessed me with a conversation from my brother. 

He is watching over me.

Joshy has been gone 7 months.

It has flown by.

I miss him.

Every second of everyday.

I love my best friend.

Families will be together forever.

I know this.

And I could not be more grateful.