Magic Everywhere You Look.

My life equals greatness.

This weekend has proven to me that magic really does exist.

In every form.

Thursday night was my cousin's Wedding Dinner.

And let me clarify something right here.
My extended family is close.
We're talking really close.
My cousins are like my second sisters.
My brothers.
My aunts are like my other mothers.
We are weirdly close.
And I love it.

So when I say my cousin is getting married,
It feels like my sister is being wedded.
So it's a big deal.
A really big deal.

The Wedding Dinner was beautiful.
It was down Vintage Lane in the backyard of a mansion.
The yard was covered in flowers of pink and purple.
The smell of steak and strawberry lemonade was in the air.
In the back was a roaring river with swings soaring high.
It was a perfect July day.
The sun was shining warm and bright.

After the food was served the microphone was given to the bride and groom to share a few thoughts.
The story was shared of how they met.
And it brought tears to my eyes.

It all started junior year.
She ran track and was a cheerleader.
His life was dedicated to football.
They had seen each other around but never thought anything of it.
Then, this boy had a life changing idea.
He asked her to junior prom.
And from the way it sounded,
It was one of the best nights of there lives.
Well a couple of Sundays afterward,
this girl was sitting in Young Women were she was listening to a lesson on temple marriage.
She said she had this overwhelming feeling that she was meant to marry this boy.
She knew without out a doubt in her mind it was going to work.
She suddenly escaped into a vision of swinging their child together
and felt such peace.
So the summer began.
And by the end of the summer romance,
they had lost their virgin lips together.
Senior year was perfect.
She was cheer captain.
He was the quarterback.
They went to every dance.
Every weekend.
Too soon,
they graduated and he got his mission call.
She had a full ride to BYU for track.
He had a full ride to the same university for football.
He left the following December.
She sent him off and wrote him faithfully at first.
But life got in the way and she wanted to date.
Make sure he's the one.
So she searched.
They stopped writing.
A letter here and there.
Two years later,
she know he was the one.
Two days after he was home,
she called him and asked him out.
They kissed.
And it was fate from there.
He proposed in May.

Cutest story ever.
It kills me.
The wedding dinner was amazing.

Later that evening...

My life officially ended.
As in,
I have nothing to look forward to.
Harry Potter.
And I discovered a new pet peeve.
Why in the world would people go to the midnight showing if they aren't true fans?
Because it's the cool thing to do?
Oh, I was bugged.
And if you haven't ever read one book?
Really?
I think there should be a Harry Potter test before you can purchase midnight showing tickets.
You must pass with a 80% or higher.
Thank you.
Because us people,
who have read the entire series three times through,
and can pratically quote every line in ever movie,
do not appreciate your lack of love for our dear Harry and your infatuation with following the crowd.
Thank you, again.
I sobbed.
Through out the whole end.
And the car ride home was a whole other thing.
This marks the end of my childhood.
I saw the first movie while I was in second grade.
The Sorcerer's Stone was my very first chapter book.
The whole gang has always been apart of my life.
And an exciting part at that.

When I turned eleven I spent my entire birthday waiting for my 
Hogwarts acceptance letter.
That night, when it never came,
I cried myself to sleep.

Worst. Birthday. Ever.

I'm obsessed.
When it's dark I call out
LUMOS!
But the lights never turn on.

When I want something to come to me, I scream
ACCIO CHOCOLATE!
But the chocolate never comes.

I want to be a witch so bad.
What ever.
I can just live with being a muggle.... I guess.

That's right. We're dorks.
Me and my cousins.

The promptly in the morning,
we headed off to the temple.

And they were married.
Eternally bound.
Forever.

I have never seen a couple more in love.
Watch this video.
You will surely see what I am talking about.

The Video of Love.

Doesn't that say it all.
She looked like a princess.
With her prince.

It is a true fairytale.

See?

Magic does exist.

All you got to do is go looking for it.

The Awkward Life. It's Normal.

On a scale of one to awkward,

how weird was my day?

AWWKKWAAARRDDDD.

Lets start from the beginning, shall we?

My alarm didn't go off.

I woke up late.

That's always a great way to start of the day.

I rushed to practice my fitness routine.

For the pageant.

Someone shoot me now.

I was late.

My teacher was mad.

I had to leave early.

She wasn't pleased.

With a slicked ponytail and the awkwardest of polos

I headed off to the parade.

I don't quite know why...

But I shut off when I'm around my council.

I don't know what to say.

How to act.

What's right and what's wrong.

I just become very quiet.

It's an issue.

The parade was hot.

Very hot.

We chanted and threw bouncy balls at little children's heads.

I would say it was a definite success.

At the end of the parade, I jumped off our little trailor.

Slowly, I drug my feet along the blackened concrete.

I lifted my head towards the warm sky,

and smiled.

As my eyes shifted downward, there they were.

Walking in their red uniforms, hair in a bow.

Before I could even think,

My legs took off into a sprint.

I took out the red head.

She didn't even see me coming.

The tackling and hugs began.

My three cheerleaders.

I pulled away and looked at my life.

There stood my bestestestest friends.

In their cheer uniforms, with the personae of a champions.

I looked down and saw my charchoal polo hanging loosely.

For a split second,

I wished things were diferent

I wished I wasn't an SBO.

I wished they weren't cheerleaders.

In that moment I would have given my liver and kidney

to go back to how things used to be.

Dance Company.

Our sisterhood.

We were one.

No difference.

But as I snapped back to reality I realized that those thoughts were silly.

If things never changed, 

how would we ever grow?

So I put on a smile for them and told them how my summer had been.

I hugged each of them.

And stood there as they walked away in their little skirts.

It was hard.

It was really hard.

I walked back to our little trailer and didn't say a word the whole drive back.

I gave two of my favorite council members rides home.

The entire time holding back tears.

Some news was dropped on my head like a bomb.

I was crushed.

All I wanted to do was sleep.

I walked in my door and hugged my mother.

In that moment,

the tears released.

I let all the pain out.

The lonliness.

The saddness.

Everything.

Once I was done with my little episode,

I crawled onto my couch.

And passed out for the next 6 hours.

Didn't I tell you sleep is my cure to depression?

Ya, I was out for the count.

I woke up.

Took a shower.

I had to clean all my emotions off.

Got decently ready,

and headed off to be with my cheerleaders.

I needed them.

I needed reassurance that we really would be best friends forever.

And we had fun.

I could tell they were distant... 

But that's okay.

I was too.

We went to the car show.

The carnival.

We had a barbeque.

Then the fireworks.

And let me tell you,

Everyone and their dog was there.

And this is where the awkwardness roles into play.

I saw all my seniors.

My heart leaped every time I saw one of their smiling faces.

I saw my sophomores.

Now that put a smile on my face.

My asian.

My best friend.

It was great.

They made lots of jokes.

I laughed and shook it off.

Awkward moment number one.

I take it back.

I hate sophomores.

Their immaturity astounds me.

Then I saw the boy that created quite a mess in my life.

I tried to act natural.

My usual smilely self.

But someitmes...

Things just naturally get awkward.

And jokes are made.
There is that oh so awkward I eye contact.
Then...
 The two of us just busted up laughing.
Because we are close.
And what happened isn't a secret.
So we walked halfway to my car.
Came up with an awkward handshake.

Talking to another friends I turn the corner and my life honestly froze.
For a split second all I could hear was my fluttering heart.
I didn't know whether to run.
Or whether to go up and talk to them.
So instead I just stood there as awkwardly as possible.
Typical.
The four of us.
She loved him.
They were best friends.
He kissed me.
That boy was my crush.
They were close
Now.
We don't talk.
They like each other.
We're close friends.
They don't talk.
There still kind of friends.
And everything has switched.
And we all know it.
So here we are.
All trying to act normal when inside we are literally having a heart attack.
I tried to stay calm.
Smile as much as I could.
And a little too soon,
I said goodbye.
Hyperventilating a little bit,
I turned the corner.

And I took off into a sprint.
Across the entire school and the parking lot.
I had to get my stress out some way.
Once I reached the seminary building I fell to the ground.
I cried for a bit.
What a mess I had made of my life.
Seriously.

I proceeded to drive home,
blasting T-Swift.

My life.
So awkward.
But you know what?
It's definitely interesting...
And I think I can live with that.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

I'm an idiot.

End of story.

Shall I expand?

No.

I won't.

Because I am pathetic.

This always happens.

Every. Single. Time.

Just man up Linsey.

You can do it.

Just kidding.

You can't.

Does this make any sense?

Nope.

Even in my jumbled little mind nothing seems to fit.

I've done this a million times over.

But for whatever the reason maybe,

it's always new and terrifying.

So now I lay here in my bed.

Shaking my head.

Actually banging it into the head board.

Tomorrow night.

I shall redeem myself.

Mark my words.

Velour, here I come.

Oh.

And you.

The one that says I should delete my blog.

Go on a mission.

It will do you good.

And get out of my business.

Thank you.

If Only This Brain Would Shut Down.

in·som·ni·a/inˈsämnēə/

Noun: Habitual sleeplessness; inability to sleep.

I suffer.

False.

I believe the correct term is

noc·tur·nal/näkˈtərnl/

Adjective: Done, occurring, or active at night

Sleep is unattainable at night time.

Impossible.

My mind is racing at the speed of light.

I can't stop thinking about a boy I might lose due to stupidity.

How I might have single handedly destroyed something I really cared about.

How it might all be over.

But is it for the better?

What if this other proposal works out nicely?

What do I do?

I need to go on a drive with this young fellow.

Talk about what we both want.

Where we stand.

Why does he have to be on the other side of the country?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I don't like this.

But I don't take it back.

Not one bit.

No regrets.

Because you only live once.

And life is about taking chances and just...

Living.

And being a stupid teenager.

Which I am.

Oh the jumblings of my mind.

It will all work out.

I hope.

And I will have the best summer of my life.

Regardless of my current situation.

Now brain,

Please sleep.

Now.

And...

Shut off.

RIGHHHHHHHHHTTTTTTT

Now.

Dang it.

Still awake.

And Now, I'm Going To Kill Someone.

THUD THUD.
What in the world?

People just threw water balloons at my window

They drove away screaming profanities at the top of their lungs.

I haven't talked to anyone in a week.

And this happens.

I hate high school.

The Universe Loves To Make Me Miserable. Typical.

Fate hates me.

End of story.

The end. 

Good bye.

Okay.

So my entire junior year there was a senior boy I had a masssssive crush on.

We never talked.

I just admired him from afar.

The entire year.

I knew I would never be good enough for him,

so instead of embarrassing myself,

I just always kept a secret eye out for him and never made my love known to anyone.

Then one day,

We had a seminary assembly during one of the last weeks of school.

He decided to get up and bear his unyielding testimony.

It brought my to tears.

Not only was this boy charming and handsome, his testimony was burning and bright.

After the little meeting I marched my way up to him and thanked him for his thoughts.

He smiled that champion smile of his.

My knees went a little week.

We spent the next couple of weeks acting as though we have been close friends all year.

And it meant the world to me.

I waited at least an hour in line for him to sign my yearbook.

Once I finally received his,

I made a spur of the moment decision.

I documented my secret infatuation forever and for all of eternity in his book of the year.

It probably took up 3/4 of his page.

Yep.

So now he knows.

I left my number with a simple request that we might call me and we shall play.

So the first week of summer passed.

I knew my expectations were far too unrealistic.

I mean, I just want to be his friend.

Nothing less, nothing more.

But still, at the end of the week, no call.

Then tonight.

I'm sitting of the book of Faces were his name pops up.

He says,

"You know, I tried to call you 4 times this week. 

The number didn't work... 

I was really bummed."

My heart stopped.

My stomach sank.

STUPID MINUTES.

WHY DID YOU HAVE TO RUN OUT???

I sat at home every night.

WAITING.

Hoping that this boy might call me.

And he tried to.

And my phone didn't work.

So I sat.

And got fat.

And did absolutely NOTHING.

Am I fuming?

You betcha.

I hate my life.

And fate hates me.

End of story.

Plus, 

This lad leaves for the next week on a canyon adventure.

So now.

I must wait a WHOLE week to see him.

Gosh dang it.

But on the plus side,

I will have minutes on the 16th.

So we should be golden by time he arrives home.

Okay.

Thats my ramble for today.

I'll let you know how it goes when this fellow decides to pop into my life again.

And pray he does.

There Goes That Dream.

What the point?

What is the point of marriage?

All I know and have ever seen is relationship after relationship

fall apart.

Only ending in heartbreak.

And remorse.

What is the point of going through that?

Why would we want to be miserable?

I know the most incredible ladies who deserve an entire kingdom,

and to be treated like a royal princess,

and live happily ever after.

I am not stupid.

I don't live in La-La land.

Life is full of trials.

Trying times that will push you to your limits.

But for once in my life,

I would love to see these hardships pull a marriage together

instead of push the love apart.

I'm just sick of it.

I'm never getting married.

I will with my seven kitties and two parakeets.

My testimony of my Savior's love will be enough for me in this life.

Isn't that why we are here?

To become like Him?

And that is my goal.

So why do I need to fall in love?

Because I know it won't last.

It never does.

Once the honeymoon stage passes, I fear everything will fall apart.

So as of this moment I am never getting married.

Maybe I'll move to Ethiopia.

I will work in the orphanages as a nanny and serve the people there.

Maybe I will become a lonely psychologist,

who spends all of her time developing an actual cure for Schizophrenia.

I'll be so busy, having a husband would be silly.

Yes.

I like these plans.

Along with my kitties.

I give up as a hopeless romantic.

That is a far off dream that will never be reached.

Well,

thanks for listening to my ramble.

A Late Night and A Stupid Movie.

It is 3:16.

I am still awake.

How?

I am asking myself the same question.

Tonight, this morning to be exact,

I went to the midnight premiere of this fine movie.

I watched the first fifteen minutes,

then slept like a baby for the next hour.

I do not know how that happened.

I didn't like the ending.

It doesn't make sense.

A few questions I have.

What was the purpose of the pig?

Where did the mermaid take the priest?

How in the world did the mermaid get into the fountain of youth?

Did I miss something?

Man.

I want my money back.

On our way to the Megaplex theater,

my two red headed long lived childhood friends and I,

decided to document the night.

We're special.

Very special.

At one point in the evening,

I was somehow left to guard the car,

while every other member of our party went into the gas station.

Typical Linsey situation.

So as I sat in the car all by my lonesome,
in hopes to entertain myself,

I took out my camera.

I have always had the biggest pet peeve.

When girls take pictures of themselves, 

in the passenger side of the car 

or

infront of the mirror.

I HATE IT.

I can't exactly explain why.

I don't like it.

Soo... I decided to make a tribute.

Please enjoy some lovely photos.

Like I said before,

Lovely.

Am I right?

If you ever wonder what Linsey enjoys doing in her spare time,

well, 

this is it.

Anyways,

I love late nights.

After my many distractions I am finishing this post at 3:51.

Time for some sleepy-sleep.

Ladies and gentlemen.
I bid thee farewell.

Stupid Research Paper.

CURSE YOU FIVE PAGED RESEARCH PAPER.

I think I need to be tested for ADD.

I cannot focus.

Hence, the blogging.

I quit high school.

The end.

I'm on a Disney rave right now.

Please enjoy Simba and Nala falling in love.

I know I do.

Inspirations To Little Ol' Me.

I enjoy inspirational quotes.

Everything is going to be okay.

I know it will.

Smile.

Please, for me,

smile.

Rain Rain Go Away.

Roller coasters.

They are so fun.

Especially when you are discussing emotions.

Last night I couldn't sleep.

I woke up in the middle of the night sobbing.

In hysterics.

I laid in my bed for an hour holding on to old letters.

Replaying memories.

The thrashing rain outside didn't help much either.

It helped remembering the times of smiles and giggles.

It also helped with the pain.

The ache in my chest.

Pounding.

Cracking.

Today was Elder's sixth month mark.

Six. Months.

Ouch.

I can't believe it.

Six months without the boy I fell head over heals for.

The boy that changed me.

Changed my ways,

Changed my outlook on life.

The boy that pushed me to be my best.

He brought out the very best in me.

He kissed me.

And cherished every moment.

He lifted me out of the darkness and helped my testimony grow leaps and bounds.

I was in love.

And you humbuggers who believe that true love doesn't exist in high school?

I am sad for you.

The feelings between me and Elder were real.

Strong.

Powerful.

I have never been so happy.

And that is happiness you are pushing away.

You'll understand eventually.

It's the best.

I woke up this morning,

late as usual.

I rushed to get ready for a dear SBO meeting.

I turned on my Linkin Park,

trying to block out all thoughts.

I put on a scarf.

A pink one.

I thought it would help brighten my mood.

I went to my meeting.

Smiling at everyone,

praying they could see the disguise.

I sprinted to seminary knowing the spirit was the only thing that would heal my broken heart.

We talked about families.

And love.

Perfect.

I love my life.

Not.

I had a test in second.

Fail.

Once again,

I love my life.

Math has always been my favorite subject.

Everything has a rule.

It is constant.

Never changing.

Numbers are numbers.

Formulas are formulas.

And for OCD fanatics like Linsey?

Ya, math calms me.

So third passed with flying colors.

At lunch,

I saw him and her sitting at the lunch table.

She loves him.

He adores her.

I looked away before my eyes began to swell with tears.

It is hard to see couples in love,

when you are falling apart at the seams.

I didn't look at them again.

During fourth I saw my Crush.

I was in the hall, he walked by.

Stitch.

He smiled at me.

I smiled back.

Stitch.

The pain stopped momentarily.

I wished him luck at his game.

He said he would look out for me.

This time the smile wasn't forced, it was authentic.

I went to the soccer game.

My Crush is a stud.

He talked to me after.

I forgot about my pain, 

it almost... vanished.

I like to believe it was the fresh air and fresh thinking.

Maybe just maybe,

it's the fact that I see that there is still hope for me.

That this pain won't last forever.

I might one day be able to have the 10th day of the month come 

and not fall apart.

I don't know.

Maybe.

Arriving home,

I got a text from a special boy.

He simply asked me if I was going to the baseball game tomorrow.

It made all the difference in the world.

I felt special.

Remembered.

Isn't crazy how just a little text and some loving words can change your whole day?

Once again.

Roller coaster.

But I am a broken hearted teenage girl.

What do you expect?

From The Girl Who Can't Be Seen.

May I ask question?

Please?

And will you answer sincerely?

Am I invisible?

Am I translucent?

Because certain male individuals at American Fork High School 

see right past me

and don't even acknowledge my existence.

At all.

I have never been so frustrated in my life.

You talk to a boy.

You smile and laugh and have quite an amazing time.

But once you arrive at school,

that friendship ceases to exist.

I know that it is in fear that certain people are watching.

Judging every moment.

I am so sick of it.

Almost raging.

ORRRRR.

A certain male, as well as yourself, get so extremely flustered every time you come in contact,

conversation never happens.

Why must I be shy in times such as these?

Seriously.

I am just a little upset.

I have invisible written on my forehead.

And that is something I will have to live with.

A curse I have been given.

Man.

I hate high school.

The end.

Thank you for listening.

It Will Never Be The Same.

Well,

Its the end of the world as we know it.

Really.

I apologize to those souls that saw my drastic shedding of tears today.

Quite an emotional day.

My eyes are heavy, drooping, and sore from the water that was drained.

I feel emotionally worn down.

I just want to sleep.

One of the worst days I have had in a long time.

It all started when I went to bed at 2 am,

and awoke promptly at 5:30 am.

Three and half hours of sleep.

Never a good way to start a day.

I traveled to the MATC at 6:00 am to be the first one in line for Medical Assisting.

After two hours of sitting on my behind, the line finally started moving.

I MADE IT IN.

There are only twenty-five students in the class and I got the last spot.

I love my Heavenly Father.

The blessings never cease.

I am so grateful.

I approached the high school with a heavy heart.

It looks like a death chamber.

At least it does right now, with only six weeks left of school.

It will be over soon though.

Except for I am not quite ready for it.

Because...

I am losing my best friends.

Life is never going to be the same.

My bestestesetest friends in the whole world,

have made a finally decision to not try out for Dance Company,

and become Cheerleaders.

I knew it was coming but I thought the girls would juggle both.

Today, the news came out.

They had to choose one or the other.

Their decision was cheer.

Man, I have never seen so many tears.

These girls are the heart and soul of Dance Company.

The core.

My best friends.

It is inevitable that our friendship is going to calm and almost cease to exist.

When you work, fight, and play as a team,

your best friends begin to form in that group.

It goes both ways.

In Cheer.

In SBO.

We are about to live polar opposite lives,

with different people, different experiences.

We are talking the EXACT opposite.

They are just different types of people.

And that's that.

We are going to change.

We are going to seperate.

We will ALWAYS be friends, but how close we are now?

That is going to be gone.

It's high school.

It's life.

I have cried many tears seeing truly how my life is going to change.

It is going to completely change.

Flip 180 degrees.

I don't do well with change.

Hence, the waterfalls from my eyes.

I wish my best friends luck.

I hope they find complete happiness with their new goals in life.

My heart hurts.

But Heavenly Father is watching over me.

He knows what I need.

I love him.

I am grateful.

He blessed me with SBO.

I am going to grow in so many ways.

I am going to be surrounded by the best of the best kids.

I am going to form a family.

I can't wait.

It is highly needed.

I am just going to miss this.

Every moment, every laugh, every smile,

I am going to take in the rest of the year.

Because it will never be the same.

That's what hurts the most.

But I will be okay.

I always pull through.

Somehow.

“Even though we've changed and we're all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends.”

The three ladies not in the uniform will soon be running around in those short skirts.

I will wear my sweater with pride.

Love you girls.

You will always be my best friends.

 

 

Loser Of The Year Award Goes To This Girl Right Here.

Man oh man,

I am a stupid girl.

With serious issues.

Today I saw my Crush,

TWO TIMES.

And what did I do?

Hide.

Hide.

Hide.

Aaaand this is how it went down.

One:

Arrived at the school building at six a.m.

For blasted attendance school.

After merely wasting an hour of my life,

I wondered back to the commons to rejuvenate for 

the long stressful day ahead.

Ding. Ding. Ding.

I began to drag my feet as

I tried to venture to the Seminary Building on the other side of school.

In the hall, leaning against the locker,

There he was.

Smiling, laughing, and just, wow.

My heart stopped.

I freaked out.

I jumped into a herd of moving teenagers,

trying to disguise my appearance from this young man.

Slowly I passed.

I believe I went unnoticed.

Check.

Two:

After lunch I was walking to my class with this fine beaut.

Miss Dayne.

My bessst frand.

We have this little pact.

When one of our shoes become mysterious untied,

the other must tie it.

It is a sign of our friendship.

It happens frequently.

We get weird looks.

We love it.

So as she was bent down at my feet tying a my unlaced shoe,

this worst thing possible actually happened.

He walked by with a single glance of disapproval.

Failure.

Utter and complete failure.

You could practically smell it in the air.

Tangible.

So, I sulked a few yards behind him as I ventured to my classroom.

Before I turned into my class, miraculously, something happened,

He turned over his shoulder, saw me stand there,  as I was looking at him ridiculously,

and he gave me an award winning smile.

Huzzah.

I couldn't help but be flattered that he was check if I was still there.

That definitely made the butterflies start up.

Before I could even make sense of my thoughts,

my feet sharply turned into my classroom and

I disappeared from his sight.

Fantastic.

Couldn't I have just smile back?

Waved?

Even said something?

No.

I'm pathetic, and a coward.

One day.

I will have enough courage to march up to him,

smile with all I got,

and show him why we were in love in the first place.

That will be the day.

Quite The Day

Sometimes in life...

You get stressed.

You get caught off guard.

You cry.

You run around the stupid high school.

You beg teachers to help you.

You get a strange random letter that is false.

You fail a Chemistry test.

You get turned down.

You see your Crush in the hall, and jump behind a crowd of people.

You run and run and run.

You talk to some sweet girls.

You miss Dance Company.

You cry some more.

You want to sleep, but know you can't.

You scream.

You turn in your application packet.

You feel relieved.

It was... a bad day. But thats okay.

Because you know what?

Everything got in.

Everything is good.

Life is good.

And I love it.

Very much.