Time To Move On And Invite The Summer.

Tonight is the night I have been waiting for.

Tonight I will see one of my musical icons in person.

And he shall sing for me.

I will sing back.

And we will have a moment.

A boy will be next to me.

One that makes me happier than anyone else.

I hope we dance.

I know I will.

This is his first concert.

I hope it will be special for him.

Because I know it will be for me.

The concert is being at the UCCU center.

I found this out on Friday.

And I almost canceled this little party.

I went up to my room.

I hyperventilated a bit.

After a nap and some craisins,

I pulled myself together.

The last time I entered that center, I went to a concert.

An amazing one in fact.

BOB, Iyaz, and Jason Derulo.

All in one.

I do not enjoy music like that,

but Elder did.

And he wanted me to go with him.

So I went.

And well,

you know how that went.

That was our first date.

Our first connection.

And serendipitously, tonight I shall be sitting one row lower in the same section.

Yes.

Almost to exact same seats.

Elder has been on my mind A LOT lately.

And it's been hard.

Really hard.

Utah County has decided to turn into Seattle.

Rain. Rain. Rain.

Memories. Memories. Memories.

Not to mention,

I am falling for another boy.

Quite fast, and quite hard.

Despite my little cracks and broken heart,

I have let myself trust.

Have faith.

But I can't help but have Elder constantly there in the back of my head.

I know its over.

But all those emotions and feeling I have been trying to repress are opening up again.

But for someone else.

It is terrifying.

I can't get Elder out.

I know he has forgotten about me.

Why can't I forget about him?

And just move on?

Ugh.

I hate love.

I love love.

Summer will help.

No more school, no more stress.

I will just be free.

Completely free.

Summer is the time when girls go barefoot, 

and their hearts are just as free as their toes.

I am not going to hold back.

I know I will have regrets if I do.

I won't let thoughts of Elder drag me down.

I am going have faith.

I love the Notebook.

It makes me smile.

It makes me cry.

Here is a quote I have altered. 

I believe it fits my life.

Enjoy.

My Dearest Elder. 

I couldn't sleep last night because I know that it's over between us. I'm not bitter anymore, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I'll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given me. That's what I hope to give to you forever. 
I love you. I'll be seeing you. Love, Linsey. 

Rain and Parks. What More Could You Want?

This school year is nearing a close.

The usual result of this time of year would be...

Sunshine.

But when does Utah ever follow the rules?

Never

We are rebels.

For almost three days straight,

Utah County has been under a constant cover of pouring rain.

My feelings about the current weather?

In Love.

If someone asked me if I would take sunshine or heavy pouring rain?

My answer would obviously be,

heavy pouring rain.

Today during my classes,

I would look through the streaking window 

and pray the rain would stay this strong.

As soon as the bell rang for early lunch,

two little sophies and I made a dart for the car.

Before entering the out doors,

I slipped off my Toms,

cuffed my pants,

and sprinted underneath the crying clouds.

I must have looked like a five year old,

running around,

making splashes in little puddles.

Miles joined me as we sang in the rain.

We even danced a bit.

Once we stopped our immaturity for a moment,

we decided to head to JCW.

Home of the best Ranch Bacon Cheeseburger this world has ever seen.

We ate.

Miles handed me several napkins to clean my face.

I would like to see him drive and eat a massive burger at the same time.

Why I outta....

As we traveled to our prison of a school

we past a park I pass everyday.

Without the consent from my fellow car members,

my vehicle abruptly turned into the parks little street parking.

I told the youngins we were going to swing on swings.

In the rain.

May I just announce right now that this idea was one of my more genius ones?

Because it was.

I giggled a lot.

I felt free.

Clean.

I love rain.

It changes me.

We ran around.

I almost slipped onto my behind.

We climbed in trees.

Pure happiness.

We acted as though we were five.

Because that is who I am at heart.

Next time it rains,

please go play at a park.

It'll make you smile.

Truly smile.

Rain Rain Go Away.

Roller coasters.

They are so fun.

Especially when you are discussing emotions.

Last night I couldn't sleep.

I woke up in the middle of the night sobbing.

In hysterics.

I laid in my bed for an hour holding on to old letters.

Replaying memories.

The thrashing rain outside didn't help much either.

It helped remembering the times of smiles and giggles.

It also helped with the pain.

The ache in my chest.

Pounding.

Cracking.

Today was Elder's sixth month mark.

Six. Months.

Ouch.

I can't believe it.

Six months without the boy I fell head over heals for.

The boy that changed me.

Changed my ways,

Changed my outlook on life.

The boy that pushed me to be my best.

He brought out the very best in me.

He kissed me.

And cherished every moment.

He lifted me out of the darkness and helped my testimony grow leaps and bounds.

I was in love.

And you humbuggers who believe that true love doesn't exist in high school?

I am sad for you.

The feelings between me and Elder were real.

Strong.

Powerful.

I have never been so happy.

And that is happiness you are pushing away.

You'll understand eventually.

It's the best.

I woke up this morning,

late as usual.

I rushed to get ready for a dear SBO meeting.

I turned on my Linkin Park,

trying to block out all thoughts.

I put on a scarf.

A pink one.

I thought it would help brighten my mood.

I went to my meeting.

Smiling at everyone,

praying they could see the disguise.

I sprinted to seminary knowing the spirit was the only thing that would heal my broken heart.

We talked about families.

And love.

Perfect.

I love my life.

Not.

I had a test in second.

Fail.

Once again,

I love my life.

Math has always been my favorite subject.

Everything has a rule.

It is constant.

Never changing.

Numbers are numbers.

Formulas are formulas.

And for OCD fanatics like Linsey?

Ya, math calms me.

So third passed with flying colors.

At lunch,

I saw him and her sitting at the lunch table.

She loves him.

He adores her.

I looked away before my eyes began to swell with tears.

It is hard to see couples in love,

when you are falling apart at the seams.

I didn't look at them again.

During fourth I saw my Crush.

I was in the hall, he walked by.

Stitch.

He smiled at me.

I smiled back.

Stitch.

The pain stopped momentarily.

I wished him luck at his game.

He said he would look out for me.

This time the smile wasn't forced, it was authentic.

I went to the soccer game.

My Crush is a stud.

He talked to me after.

I forgot about my pain, 

it almost... vanished.

I like to believe it was the fresh air and fresh thinking.

Maybe just maybe,

it's the fact that I see that there is still hope for me.

That this pain won't last forever.

I might one day be able to have the 10th day of the month come 

and not fall apart.

I don't know.

Maybe.

Arriving home,

I got a text from a special boy.

He simply asked me if I was going to the baseball game tomorrow.

It made all the difference in the world.

I felt special.

Remembered.

Isn't crazy how just a little text and some loving words can change your whole day?

Once again.

Roller coaster.

But I am a broken hearted teenage girl.

What do you expect?

Rain, rain, and more rain.

Oh... man.

Relapse?

I think yes.

It all started when I walked out to my car and into the open garage.

I traveled to the very edge nearing the pouring rain.

I stopped abruptly.

Staring.

Just hopelessly staring at the stormy sky and falling droplets of water.

I couldn't move.

The thought of entering the rain was more threatening

than entering acid poison draining from the sky.

Too many memories.

Floods and floods, coming and coming.

Of Elder.

Remember, we dated October and November.

Which meant...

Rain.

Rain.

Rain.

How many memories do I have of us running

wild and crazy through the streets in the heavy rain?

Dancing.

Soaking wet.

Elder tackling me to the ground.

Wrestling on the cement floor.

Kicking,

Fighting,

Screaming,

Tickling,

Laughing.

Only to end with a somber kiss.

Sitting up and knowing this was love.

His ocean blue eyes pouring into mine.

The sly, flawless crooked smile on his face.

That look that made me know I was special to him.

Thats when life was good.

Reality was finally better than my dreams.

I saw those memories flash before my eyes.

Like a movie.

Tears suddenly flooded my face.

The memories wouldn't stop.

There is a dear Taylor Swift song titled:

Sparks Fly

The lyrics of the chorus are such as:

Drop everything now
Meet me in the pouring rain
Kiss me on the sidewalk
Take away the pain
cause I see, sparks fly whenever you smile

Get me with those [blue] eyes, baby
As the lights go down
Something that'll haunt me when you're not around
cause I see, sparks fly whenever you smile

I became obsessed with this experience becoming a reality so

I became determined to make it happen.

So when the next rainstorm appeared,

I was prepared.

I texted Elder as the droplets began to drizzle.

"What are you doing?"

"Just been waiting for you to text me :)"

"Well, do you want to meet me at the spot?"

"I'll be there in ten minutes :)"

Man, he was so great.

I jumped in my car and sped off to our little romantic spot.

Satisfied, I showed up a few minutes before him.
The rain falling a little harder.

Zoooommm.

The little white car shot around the corner.

I prayed my little plan would be accomplished today.

I stepped out of my car.

I stood on the sidewalk and 

I just smiled as he pulled around the round-about.
I began to shiver as my clothes were drenched with water.

He turned off his car, looking at me skeptically.

I zoned in on him, using only our eyes for communication.

The boy could practically read my mind.

Before I knew it, he was out of his car,

sprinting towards me.

An animal hunting it's prey.

With one hand placed on the back of my neck

and the other secured around my waist,

he gave me the kiss of my life.

Just as my little song predicted,

We had our first kiss in the rain.

Memories.

Coming.

Flooding.

Tears.

Heartbreak.

Help?

At least I haven't forgotten him.

Those memories will always be with me.

He will always be with me.

Almost four months without him.

Bahhh.