Thursday, December 22, 2011


Last night he took me home.
He talked about his dad and his business.
Their struggles and triumphs.
I sat in the passenger seat of his truck
and smiled.
I love when he rambles.
He gets lost in his words.
So I just smile.
I give the appropriate head nod when needed.
I giggle when its expected.
But I am really just taking in the moment of being with him.
Just us.
It's so easy.
So natural.
I haven't felt this way in a long time.
Fourteen months to be exact.
It's nice.
It is different than when I was with Elder.
With Elder,
Everything was rushed. Reckless.
We only had so much time.
So I fell fast. Hard.
With him... We just are.
No rushing. No worry.
We just take life as it comes.
It is what I need.

When we got to my front door,
he told me how he felt.
I wish I could of had more wits about me...
I froze.
He was so forward.
And scared.
I had never seem him like that.
I loved it.
It was the first time I had ever seen him vulnerable.
He let his ego come down for a few minutes.
I don't think he will ever know how much that meant to me.
How much he means to me.
I don't know where I'm going with this.
I just like him.
We just are.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Wishing Weed.

I don't even know what to say.
My emotions aren't even words.
They can't be.

This poor blog.
It has been put through so much emotional drama.
And thus is the life of a teenage girl.

I'm just putting off the reason why I'm writing.
I want to say it right.
But I don't know how.

Me? At a loss for words?
This is weird.

He emailed me.
He cares.
He wants to start writing again.

I could sing from every rooftop.
I want to scream for the world to hear.
Nothing has changed.
Our feelings?
As strong as ever.
And how does that work?
We haven't seen each other in thirteen months.
Haven't had any communication for nine of them.
And yet...
It feels like nothing has changed.
That is magic.
Pure magic.
I don't need a wand or spells.
(Even though I want one SOOOOOOO bad)
I have my own. It is in my heart.

I'll carry your heart with me.
That was my promise.

And that is a promise I intend to keep.

My mom hasn't seen me shine in a long time.
That poor woman...
What I have put her through.
She is a good mommy. She takes care of me.
She keeps my feet grounded.
And she even says that I haven't been this happy in months.
Nine months to be exact.

I don't know how to end this.
So, I will end it with a letter for all you girls waiting out there.

Dear Courageous Girl,

When you have done all you can do, sometimes you are left in a place where you just have to wait. Waiting is painful, waiting is hard... Perhaps one of the hardest skills we will ever have to develop in our lifetimes.
What if your waiting is active? What if, instead of stopping everything to wait, you take an active approach..... And do what you CAN do, (even if it has nothing to do with what you are waiting for) trying not to think about the things you cannot do yet.
Active waiting shortens the waiting time, fills your heart with joy instead of angst, and helps you to make progress. Then, if things do not turn out exactly as you expected or hoped, your life is full of other wonderful things that you will always have.
Life is absolutely mean to be enjoy, not just endured. Please take some time to actively seek and hold on to joyful experiences while you are waiting.
There is a plan for you, hold on tight! Enjoy the ride and smell the flowers when you are stopped.
You are such an inspiration to those around you. 
Take this advice from a girl who has been through this all. Has endured every heart broken moment. Trust me. This is the better route.

With every emotion I have in my exploding heart,

Lins :)

Monday, October 17, 2011

Never Give Up.

Heavenly Father knows his children.
He answers prayers in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm so lucky.
He answered mine.

I went back tonight.
Back to where our love existed.
Back to where everything was perfect.
Where he told me he loved me.
Where Taylor Swift became a reality.
In his words:

"Sometimes I lay down at night, 
and I think about you.
How good my life used to be.
But you know what?
It will be that much better when I come home."

That's my hope.
That's what I hold onto.

I went with my besty.
She knows how to carry me.
She knows what to say.
And tonight...
Revelation came through her.
What I needed to hear,
She spoke so clearly with tear in her eyes.
And it hit me like a bag of bricks.
Because I can't give up.
I never will.
Not until my very last breathe will I ever give up.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Well, This Sucks.

I have forgotten how to laugh.
Truly laugh.
I can't remember the last time I felt complete bliss.
I blame it all on...
Being overwhelmed.
Being torn.
And broken.
Somewhere in the midst of all that crap,
I have forgotten how to laugh.

I miss my carefree self.
I miss the days of recklessness,
where none of the rules applied to me.
I was living high school to the fullest.
I miss it.
Because now...
I'm hard.
I don't smile unless its expected of me.

I don't know how to change.
I want to learn to giggle again.
Be out of control.
Because as of right now...
I don't know how to get back to that.

If you could,
include me in your prayers.
I need all the help I can get right now.

I Stand All Amazed.

I heard this story at a Homecoming talk.
Please read it.
It'll change your life.

There was once a bridge that spanned a large river. During most of the day the bridge sat with its length running up and down the river paralleled with the banks, allowing ships to pass through freely on both sides of the bridge. But at certain times each day, a train would come along and the bridge would be turned sideways across the river, allowing the train to cross it.

A switchman sat in a shack on one side of the river where he operated the controls to turn the bridge and lock it into place as the train crossed.

One evening as the switchman was waiting for the last train of the day to come, he looked off into the distance through the dimming twilight and caught sight of the train lights. He stepped onto the control and waited until the train was within a prescribed distance. Then he was to turn the bridge. He turned the bridge into position, but, to his horror, he found the locking control did not work. If the bridge was not securely in position, it would cause the train to jump the track and go crashing into the river. This would be a passenger train with MANY people aboard.

He left the bridge turned across the river and hurried across the bridge to the other side of the river, where there was a lever switch he could hold to operate the lock manually.

He would have to hold the lever back firmly as the train crossed. He could hear the rumble of the train now, and he took hold of the lever and leaned backward to apply his weight to it, locking the bridge. He kept applying the pressure to keep the mechanism locked. Many lives depended on this man's strength.

Then, coming across the bridge from the direction of his control shack, he heard a sound that made his blood run cold.

"Daddy, where are you?" His four-year-old son was crossing the bridge to look for him. His first impulse was to cry out to the child, "Run! Run!" But the train was too close; the tiny legs would never make it across the bridge in time..

The man almost left his lever to snatch up his son and carry him to safety. But he realized that he could not get back to the lever in time if he saved his son.

Either many people on the train or his own son - must die.

He took but a moment to make his decision. The train sped safely and swiftly on its way, and no one aboard was even aware of the tiny broken body thrown mercilessly into the river by the on rushing train. Nor were they aware of the pitiful figure of the sobbing man, still clinging to the locking lever long after the train had passed. They did not see him walking home more slowly than he had ever walked; to tell his wife how their son had brutally died.

Now if you comprehend the emotions that went through this man's heart, you can begin to understand the feelings of Our Father in Heaven when He sacrificed His Son to bridge the gap between us and eternal life. 

Don't take the Atonement for granted.
It is the most miraculous thing to ever happen on this earth.
We are the people on the train sometimes.
Oblivious to what our Father and Brother had to go through
so that we could live with them again.
We don't even think twice.
Love your Savior.
Pray to your Father.
He loves you so much.
He loves me.
And I love him.

Monday, October 3, 2011

On The Horizon

Ladies and Gentlemen.
My life.
In quotes.

A new story is on the horizon.
I can feel it.

But I won't ruin the ending now.
That would be silly.

Just know...
The twelfth step in my heartbreak rehabilitation program is about to be complete.

There is a new man in town.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

The Pathetic Life.

I have a problem.
It is an addiction.
It has consumed my life.
I'm completely fine with that.

Vampire Diaries

I spent 
Saturday Night
all day Sunday
watching the entire first season.
That is 22 one hour episodes.
That is almost a full day of television.
But I did it.
Impressive right?
And you want to know why I did this ridiculous thing?

All my girlfriends are in love.
Every. Single. One.
They are constantly giggling with excitement about their new lovers.
Adorable stories of dates.
Saucy stories of first kisses.
How in love they are.
Blah. Blah. Blah.
They are all so happy.
And I'm so happy for them.

But at the same time...
I had to throw a pity party for myself.
Because that is how pathetic I am.
So since my life is seriously lacking in that certain department,
I tried to spice it up.
I spent the last day and a half
watching humans and vampires fall in love.
With lots of violence.
And lots of kissing.
Which was probably my favorite part because I am seriously lacking in that department.

Welcome to my life.
The pathetic life.
And I am quite fine with it.
Sort of.

Watch this clip.
Just see why it fills my empty pot of romance. 
It kills me.
Stefan is my man.
Who needs someone you can actually touch?
I got this dashing fellow all to myself.
Not to mention I have a life size cardboard cut out of him.
It's fine.

Thats my love life in a nut shell.
Its fine.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Excuse my absence on this blog.
I have missed it.
A lot.


My football team got destroyed tonight.
We are talking...
49 to 7.
I felt like shooting myself.
The whole night.


I go to a dance camp tomorrow with my best cheerleaders/friends.
They decided to come.
I could not be more pleased.


I went to Homecoming last week.
The Asian was my date.
He's superb.
By far, one of the greatest dances I have ever been to.

Such a stud.
I love this child.


It's my brother's birthday.
He is no longer a teenager.
Happy birthday Joshy-boy.
I couldn't have asked for a better brother.
Miss you.
Almost one year.

He is my hero.
I want to be just like him one day.
I miss my best friend.



Thats it.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Dear Me.

Dear 30 year old me,

This is your 17 year old self. 
There are a few things I would like to tell you. 
I hope you are well. 
I definitely hope you a married.
 With a child or two. 
I hope you are with the love of your life.
 I hope he has red hair. 
If not, I know you wouldn't pick anyone but the best. 
I'm sure he's a keeper. 
I pray he has the biggest calve muscles you have ever seen.
I hope he builds forts with you.
 I hope he still makes you giggle.
 One piece of advice.
 Never, ever, let the giggles and swooning stop.
 It's possible. 
Go on dates. 
Be partners in crime.
Make homemade pizzas together.
 Learn to play his favorite sport and love it. 
Because we all know you are a little uncoordinated but the fact that you tried is all that matters. 
Kiss him. 
A lot.
 You are married now.
 Dance around the kitchen to Justin Bieber and make him shake his head in amused disappointment. 
Make sure he puts up with your Edward/Stephan obsession.
If he doesn't... Well hunny...
You got a long life ahead of you.
I hope he is gentle. 
I hope he takes pride in his priesthood.
I hope he loves his mom and talks to her everyday.
I hope he strives for light in his life.
I pray you two have a temple marriage.
Bound for eternity.
Because that's how much you love each other.
Enough to last forever.
I hope he never does anything to break you.
You have had enough of that to last a lifetime.
Trust me.
I know.
But most of all make sure he puts the Lord first.
Even before you.
Because if that is the first priority,
all the things I hoped for will fall right into place.

I hope you look back and see how much you have accomplished. 
I hope you smile at all the crazy nights and wild friends. 
The season of sneaking out. 
The many different awkward situations. 
That one time you passed out and fell out of your seat
. The night you won your pageant. 
The evening you became a Distinguished Young Women.
When the college doors seemed to finally open.
Remember sophomore year. 
Remember the first senior who took you up to the mountains.
Remember the first time he held your hand.
Remember the one that broke your heart.
Rememeber "Fifteen" by Taylor Swift.
Remember the one that changed you.
The one that will always be apart of you and your life.
Remember that one summer.
Where the rules didn't apply and you did what ever you want.
Remember the mess you got yourself into.
That wasn't fun.
Don't do that again.
Remember starting junior year with no hopes of ever finding a true man.
Remember the day Joshy left.
Dropping him off at the MTC.
How hard it was.
How rewarding.
Remember losing hope.
Remember the night you met him.
The one that came into your life unexpectedly.
The one that made his mark on you forever.
Remember the good times.
Remember the concert.
Remember the belly gut laughs.
Never ever forget what he told you.
Because it was real.
No matter what they might say.
Remember it was beautiful.
Because it was.
Remember that first love.

I want you to look at the moon.
You see it?
Waayyyyy up there in the sky?
That moon has gone around this earth 4470 times since I have written this letter.
And guess what?
You are still going.
You are making it.
The struggles?
Ya, their there.
Is it hard?
Of course.
But worth it?
Oh yeah.

D&C 121:7-8

My daughter, 
peace be unto thy soul
thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but
 a small moment;
 And then, if thou endure it well, 
God shall exalt thee on high
thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.
So, 30 year old me. 
Remember the days of being wild, reckless, lovestruck teenager.
But also remember,
You are living the dream.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Here We Go.

I'm definitely slacking on the blog.

Ever spare minute I have is spent reading Harry Potter.
It's fine.

I leave for trek in four hours.
Yay me.

I shall write of my trek across the plains of Wyoming
as well as my tale of my student council retreat.

Peace out, cub scout.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Happy Birthday My Darling.

My cousins are the best.
But one specific cousin is my best friend.
It was her birthday today.
She is officially a big 19 year old.
Go Nana!

Thank you for being the big (little) sister I never had.
Thank you for putting up with my dramatic ways.
Thank you for sharing my odd obsessions.
Thank you for laughing at my dumb jokes.
Thank you for being the most amazing person.
You are so special to me.
I don't know what I would do without you in my life.

Best friend.
Best cousin.
Best sister.

Tomorrow the epic tale of my little retreat shall be revealed on the pages of this blog.
I love my council.
Every single one.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Magic Everywhere You Look.

My life equals greatness.
This weekend has proven to me that magic really does exist.
In every form.

Thursday night was my cousin's Wedding Dinner.

And let me clarify something right here.
My extended family is close.
We're talking really close.
My cousins are like my second sisters.
My brothers.
My aunts are like my other mothers.
We are weirdly close.
And I love it.

So when I say my cousin is getting married,
It feels like my sister is being wedded.
So it's a big deal.
A really big deal.

The Wedding Dinner was beautiful.
It was down Vintage Lane in the backyard of a mansion.
The yard was covered in flowers of pink and purple.
The smell of steak and strawberry lemonade was in the air.
In the back was a roaring river with swings soaring high.
It was a perfect July day.
The sun was shining warm and bright.

After the food was served the microphone was given to the bride and groom to share a few thoughts.
The story was shared of how they met.
And it brought tears to my eyes.

It all started junior year.
She ran track and was a cheerleader.
His life was dedicated to football.
They had seen each other around but never thought anything of it.
Then, this boy had a life changing idea.
He asked her to junior prom.
And from the way it sounded,
It was one of the best nights of there lives.
Well a couple of Sundays afterward,
this girl was sitting in Young Women were she was listening to a lesson on temple marriage.
She said she had this overwhelming feeling that she was meant to marry this boy.
She knew without out a doubt in her mind it was going to work.
She suddenly escaped into a vision of swinging their child together
and felt such peace.
So the summer began.
And by the end of the summer romance,
they had lost their virgin lips together.
Senior year was perfect.
She was cheer captain.
He was the quarterback.
They went to every dance.
Every weekend.
Too soon,
they graduated and he got his mission call.
She had a full ride to BYU for track.
He had a full ride to the same university for football.
He left the following December.
She sent him off and wrote him faithfully at first.
But life got in the way and she wanted to date.
Make sure he's the one.
So she searched.
They stopped writing.
A letter here and there.
Two years later,
she know he was the one.
Two days after he was home,
she called him and asked him out.
They kissed.
And it was fate from there.
He proposed in May.

Cutest story ever.
It kills me.
The wedding dinner was amazing.

Later that evening...

My life officially ended.
As in,
I have nothing to look forward to.
Harry Potter.
And I discovered a new pet peeve.
Why in the world would people go to the midnight showing if they aren't true fans?
Because it's the cool thing to do?
Oh, I was bugged.
And if you haven't ever read one book?
I think there should be a Harry Potter test before you can purchase midnight showing tickets.
You must pass with a 80% or higher.
Thank you.
Because us people,
who have read the entire series three times through,
and can pratically quote every line in ever movie,
do not appreciate your lack of love for our dear Harry and your infatuation with following the crowd.
Thank you, again.
I sobbed.
Through out the whole end.
And the car ride home was a whole other thing.
This marks the end of my childhood.
I saw the first movie while I was in second grade.
The Sorcerer's Stone was my very first chapter book.
The whole gang has always been apart of my life.
And an exciting part at that.

When I turned eleven I spent my entire birthday waiting for my 
Hogwarts acceptance letter.
That night, when it never came,
I cried myself to sleep.

Worst. Birthday. Ever.

I'm obsessed.
When it's dark I call out
But the lights never turn on.

When I want something to come to me, I scream
But the chocolate never comes.

I want to be a witch so bad.
What ever.
I can just live with being a muggle.... I guess.

That's right. We're dorks.
Me and my cousins.

The promptly in the morning,
we headed off to the temple.

And they were married.
Eternally bound.

I have never seen a couple more in love.
Watch this video.
You will surely see what I am talking about.

The Video of Love.

Doesn't that say it all.
She looked like a princess.
With her prince.

It is a true fairytale.


Magic does exist.

All you got to do is go looking for it.

Thursday, July 14, 2011



Goes by Fitzgerald.
Also known as Fitzy.
Green fur with tin gray eyes.
 Last seen in Highland by Mountain Ridge Junior High.
She was brutally attacked and ran over.
She was then picked up off the street,
and has been missing ever since.
We are offer a 
To have our dear Fitzy home.
If you have any knowledge of her whereabouts please call,
that is
Thank you.
The sincere owner and compassionate cat lover,
Linsey Brown. 

Monday, July 11, 2011

Just Watch Me.

You know what?
I'm gonna do it.

To heck with all rules and guidelines.
To heck with sanity.

All I know is I need to do this before I completely fall apart.
I got everything I need.
This could go one way or the other.

Just look at my Quote of the Day.

Wish me luck peeps.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Eight Months Gone And I'm Still Reaching.

I don't even know what to say.

8 months.

Of tears.
Of heartache.
Of lonliness.
Of trying to move on.
Of... hell.

I can't believe I have made it this far.

I'm still broken.

Instead of explaining my life,
Why not revert to Taylor Swift songs?
Because I'm pretty sure she secretly watches my life with a hidden camera.
Her songs are completely relevant to my life.
I love it.
Music is a story.
I created this playlist.
Our relationship.
Taylor Swift style.
Lets begin.


This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonder-struck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
This night is flawless, don't you let it go
I'm wonder-struck, dancing around all alone
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you

Jump Then Fall

I like the way you sound in the morning
We're on the phone and without a warning
I realize your laugh is the best sound
I have ever heard

I like the way I can't keep my focus
I watch you talk, you didn't notice
I hear the words but all I can think is
We should be together
Every time you smile, I smile
And every time you shine, I'll shine for you

Sparks Fly

If you want to know the story
go here:

I promise.
It's a great story.

Our Song

Our song is the slamming screen door
Sneakin' out late, tapping on your window
When we're on the phone and you talk real slow
'Cause it's late and your mama don't know
Our song is the way you laugh
The first date man, I didn't kiss her and I should have
And when I got home, 'fore I said amen
Asking God if He could play it again


You lift my feet off the ground
Spin me around
You make me crazier, crazier
Feels like I'm falling and I
I'm lost in your eyes
You make me crazier,

I'm Only Me When I'm With You

I'm only up when you're not down.
Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground.
It's like no matter what I do.
Well you drive me crazy half the time;
the other half I'm only trying to let you know that what I feel is true.
And I'm only me when I'm with you.

The Other Side of The Door

With your face, and your beautiful eyes
And the conversation
With the little white lies.
And the faded picture
Of a beautiful night
You carried me from your car
up the stairs
And I broke down cryin'
Was she worth this mess?
After everything and that little black dress
After everything I must confess,
I need you


You said, "I remember how we felt sitting by the water
And every time I look at you, it’s like the first time
I fell in love with a careless man’s careful daughter
She is the best thing that’s ever been mine."
Hold on, make it last
Hold on, never turn back

Ok. This deserves a story.
Because it is one of my favorites.

So it was our last date.
We just got done eating dinner at Outback
and he were headed to the Brit's apartment to spend our second to last night together.
Little thing about Elder.
He HATES Taylor Swift.
Can't stand her.
I don't know why.
But this song came out and I was completely obsessed because it reminded me of him perfectly.
So on our way to the apartment,
this song came on the radio.
I totally flipped.
I blasted it.
And started belting at the top of my lungs.
He didn't like that too much.
He kept trying to turn it down, but I insisted.
Then... We got lost.
He had no idea where we were.
Okay given... we were on University Parkway in Provo
but we did not know how to get to the Brit's apartment.
So here I am.
Belting and singing, trying to convince him of my love.
He is screaming at me to shut up and is about to blow up.
I am laughing my guts out.
He suddenly pulls over to the side of the busy street.
Leans over me and opens my door.
He clearly states that
 if I as so much make another little giggle I can walk home.
I look him in the eye.
And let out the biggest giggle ever giggled on the planet.
Before I could even comprehend what happened,
He leaped out of his seat and tackled me,
out of the car,
and there we laid on the grass of University Parkway.
With his body on top of mine he whispers
"I'll make you pay for that."
And the tickling and kissing began.
I couldn't move.
Nor did I want to.
So that song is dear to me.
We decided it could be one of our songs.
Well... I did.
He didn't approve.
But I believe it was appropriate.

Today Was A Fairytale

Can you feel this magic in the air?
It must have been the way you kissed me
Fell in love when I saw you standing there
It must have been the way
Today was a fairytale

This song is the song of our last date.
Because indeed,
he did wear a dark gray t-shirt and I did wear a dress.
And I did fall in love.

Long Live

Long live the walls we crashed through
While the kingdom lights shined just for me and you
I was screaming, long live all the magic we made
And bring on all the pretenders, I'm not afraid
Long live all the mountains we moved
I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you
I was screaming, long live the look on your face
And bring on all the pretenders, one day we will be remembered

This is the theme song of our relationship.
It truly is.


Seems like there's always someone who disapproves
They'll judge it like they know about me and you
And the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do
The jury's out, but my choice is you
So don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
And life makes love look hard
The stakes are high
The waters rough
But this love is ours


And I watch you fly around the world
And I hope you don't save some other girl
Don't forget, don't forget about me.
I'm far away but I'll never let you go
I'm lovestruck and looking out the window
Don't forget, don't forget where I'll be
Right here wishing the flowers were from you
Wishing the card was from you
Wishing the call was from you
'Cause I've loved you from the very first day


Music starts playin like the end of a sad movie
It's the kind of ending you don't really wanna see
'Cause it's tragedy
And it'll only bring you down
Now I don't know what to be without you around
And we know it's never simple
Never easy
Never a clean break
No one here to save me
You're the only thing I know
Like the back of my hand
And I can't breathe without you, 

But I have to

If This Was A Movie

Listen for yourself.
It's my theme song for my life right now.

Tim Mcgraw

But when you think Tim McGraw
I hope you think my favorite song
The one we danced to all night long
The moon like a spotlight on the lake
When you think happiness
I hope you think that little black dress
Think of my head on your chest
And my old faded blue jeans
When you think Tim McGraw
I hope you think of me

And I hope when he gets back our life will still follow...

Mary's Song

Well, I was sixteen when suddenly
I wasn't that little girl you used to see
But your eyes still shined like pretty lights
And our daddies used to joke about the two of us
They never believed we'd really fall in love
And our mamas smiled and rolled their eyes
And said oh my my my...
Take me back to the creek beds we turned up
Two A.M. riding in your truck and 

all I need is you next to me
Take me back to the time we had our very first fight
The slamming of doors instead of kissing goodnight
You stayed outside till the morning light
Oh my my my my

A few years had gone and come around
We were sitting at our favorite spot in town
And you looked at me, got down on one knee...

Thank you Taylor Swift for writing my life.
It helps.
A lot.

16 more to go.
I can do this.
1/3 of the way done.
That's exciting.

Miss you Elder.