Saturday, April 28, 2012

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Not Even Close.

I have a million drafts written.
And not one has been sent through for actual public eye to see.

Why you ask?


I can't figure out how to say all of this right.

How I am feeling.
My heart.
How fast.
How scary.

The words aren't working.
I'm getting frustrated.

All I know is that I like him.
I feel the most Linsey when he is around.

That doesn't even make sense.

I don't have to try. Everything just comes so natural.

This spring break was complete bliss.

He taught me a song on the guitar. He sang to me. He played. We laughed. He watched Eclipse with me. What? That isn't normal. We had a game night. Where I completely owned. He pouted. He's not used to losing. It was good for him. For I am the elder and superior. Come at me bro. The hugs. The cuddles. The good night text. His smirk every time I embarrass myself. The simple way he holds my hand. Just him. Everything. Perfect.

But it's not perfect.
This isn't perfect.

And I'm starting to get annoyed and upset.
I can't take this rollor-coaster much longer.
Or else I am going to throw up.
Thats right.

But I'm holding on for dear life.
Because this ride is one of the most thrilling and heart racing ones yet.
And I'm not ready to get off.
Not even close.

Monday, April 9, 2012



It is perfect.
I didn't think I would be able to top my dress from last year.
But I have done it.

I would put a picture on right now.
I don't want to give it away!
I guess you'll have to wait until August 28th.
Believe me,
I can't wait either!


My blog made me claustrophobic.
I'm a simple person.

I feel like I can breathe easier now.

And I promise this is the last time the name will change.

Let it be known:

Your Heart is Free.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Wildest Dreams.

This is totally stupid.
I should not be this excited.
I've been to a gazillion dances.
Homecomings. Preferences. Sadies. Proms.
Been there, done that.
This one shouldn't be any different.

It is.

Ladies and Gentlemen,
I have been asked to my Senior Prom.
My last and final dance.

I have never been to a dance with someone I care about.
Someone I am falling for.
The boys have always been good friends ready for a good time.
And it was fun.

But I think every girl has dreamed of that fairytale night.
Wearing the dream dress.
Going to a Grand Ball.
With her Prince Charming.

Complete perfection.

I am incredibly lucky.

Not even in my wildest dreams did I ever think he would choose me.
Over the years, I have always noticed him.
There is this certain light he protrudes.
I don't know quite know how to explain it.
But man... It has drawn me in.

It all started last summer.
On a little experience called Trek.
I fell. Hard.

Due to a list of complications...
We didn't speak much after.
Thats a long story.

But a month ago...
He came over.
And to my surprise,
We picked up right where we left off.
Nothing had changed.
Chemistry was SO there.
It always has been.

And thus,
the roller-coaster of our relationship began.
So many ups.
Numerous downs.
Minds changed.
Late nights.
Hopes shattered.
Hands Held.
Long phone calls.
Lunch dates.
And finally,
Reassurance that he doesn't want to lose me.

I am what he wants.


I have waited so long.
And I am not letting this one go.
No matter what.

This hasn't been easy.
But so unbelievably worth it.

I feel giddy.
And excited.
And nervous.
And wonderful.

I am happy.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Monday, April 2, 2012

Ask Yourself.

Today, I ran away.

I felt like a little girl again.
When my mommy used to get mad at me,
or daddy was angry,
or my brother was teasing me,
I would pack my tiny sparkly purse with candy and my one dollar allowance.
A strong little tot wanting to take on the world.

I wanted to be escape.
I wanted to clear my head.
I wanted to be free.

That's what I did.

That is what I said today.
I could not take one more second of his indecisive mind.
My heart couldn't handle one more second guessed thought.

I ran.

I jumped in my car, put on my shades, and drove.
I didn't know where I was going...
Just that I needed to get away.

So I drove. And drove. And drove.

Drowning out all my problems to some Adele and Peter Bradley Adams.
There is something about the change of scenery, the roar of my hyundai,
and the music blasting, that can truly clear the mind.

I sang my songs until I found a quiet little park in the middle of nowhere.
I sat against a large oak tree with my diet coke and scriptures.
I needed answers.

After diligent studying, I stopped to take it all in.
The squeaking of the swing set, with the children's playful giggles.
The dog barking as he jogged with his owner.
The wind as it softly grazed the green grass.
And the sun, as it slightly roasted my warm cheeks.

Then it hit me.

Linsey, you are being ridiculous.
There is so much beauty and wonder in the world.
Heavenly Father loves you.
He wants the best for you.
Stop pouting, get out there, and make this happen.

And just like that I was fleeing back home.

Sometimes all you have to do in order to find happiness is
remove yourself from the complications.
Go to a place where thinking comes clearly.
Take a deep breath.
And let your Father in heaven take care of you.

PS. This really works :)

Sunday, April 1, 2012

And So Have I.

This is terrifying.
I don't know why, but I am slightly timid right now.
Maybe a case of stage fright?

This blog used to be my home.
Where my thoughts ran rampant and words slurred from my fingertips,
as I tried so helplessly to organize the raging thoughts of a teenage girl.

Well, here I am again.

Lets start.
Shall we?

As I am sitting here in my bed, 
I can't help but think to last spring.
I was crazy about that one boy, the one that stills makes my head spin every time he pops into my thoughts that are trying very hard to push him out.
But I'm tired of talking about him.
This is my story.
I was running as a rookie for student council with summer on my mind.
I was so ambitious.
Nothing in the world was going to bring me down.
My eyes shown with true light and passion.
I was young and ready. 

If that me was shown my life now,
with all its challenges and trails and heartaches and breaks and cracks...
My giggly little eyes would have filled with tears.
I would have ran to my bedroom, snuggled in my bed, and not come out until I knew that, 
that life, wasn't promised to be mine. 

Things have changed.
And so have I.

I am grateful for my trials.
I am blessed for the opportunities I have had to grow.
No, I'm not that bright eyed, little teeny-bopper anymore.
No, I'm not that giggly, fun girl, who believed that anything is possible.
Sometimes, secretly, I long for that girl.
I wish I could see through those pure eyes once more, 
truly take in the beauty of it all.
But that would be foolish.

I am strong.
I am steadfast.
I am passionate.
I am immovable.
I can face the daily struggles this life gives me, and say,
Bring it on. 
I am powerful.

I wouldn't change one thing.

Thats right.

Enough of the heavy.
Now onto a different aspect of my life.

Oh bless.
Lets get this over with.

Sometimes its too painful to think about.
Too hard to look back on.
But all I can say is...
He is out of the picture.
After eighteen, long, painful, tear-wretching months,
I have moved on.
I don't want to say given up,
because that sounds weak.
But, instead I have chosen to be strong, for myself,
and allow what makes me happy into my life.

Its about time right?
He comes home in November.
So we will see what happens.
I can't even think about that right now.
I might start hyperventilating.

So lets talk about something happy.
All this doom and gloom isn't really working for me.
Because for the most part, I am the happiest I have ever been.
And that is saying something.
I guess it is because,
I have finally learned to look past the bad and see the good.
Beauty is everywhere.
The little things can make you happy.
Let go of the things holding you back.
Search for the little things that will make your day.

Of course there is a main reason as to why I am so happy all the time as of late.

Want to know why?

I mean do you really want to know? 

Then I guess you will have to wait and see.