On The Horizon

Ladies and Gentlemen.

My life.

In quotes.

A new story is on the horizon.

I can feel it.

But I won't ruin the ending now.

Noooo.

That would be silly.

Just know...

The twelfth step in my heartbreak rehabilitation program is about to be complete.

There is a new man in town.

Just Watch Me.

You know what?

I'm gonna do it.

To heck with all rules and guidelines.

To heck with sanity.

All I know is I need to do this before I completely fall apart.

I got everything I need.

This could go one way or the other.

Just look at my Quote of the Day.

Wish me luck peeps.

The Universe Loves To Make Me Miserable. Typical.

Fate hates me.

End of story.

The end. 

Good bye.

Okay.

So my entire junior year there was a senior boy I had a masssssive crush on.

We never talked.

I just admired him from afar.

The entire year.

I knew I would never be good enough for him,

so instead of embarrassing myself,

I just always kept a secret eye out for him and never made my love known to anyone.

Then one day,

We had a seminary assembly during one of the last weeks of school.

He decided to get up and bear his unyielding testimony.

It brought my to tears.

Not only was this boy charming and handsome, his testimony was burning and bright.

After the little meeting I marched my way up to him and thanked him for his thoughts.

He smiled that champion smile of his.

My knees went a little week.

We spent the next couple of weeks acting as though we have been close friends all year.

And it meant the world to me.

I waited at least an hour in line for him to sign my yearbook.

Once I finally received his,

I made a spur of the moment decision.

I documented my secret infatuation forever and for all of eternity in his book of the year.

It probably took up 3/4 of his page.

Yep.

So now he knows.

I left my number with a simple request that we might call me and we shall play.

So the first week of summer passed.

I knew my expectations were far too unrealistic.

I mean, I just want to be his friend.

Nothing less, nothing more.

But still, at the end of the week, no call.

Then tonight.

I'm sitting of the book of Faces were his name pops up.

He says,

"You know, I tried to call you 4 times this week. 

The number didn't work... 

I was really bummed."

My heart stopped.

My stomach sank.

STUPID MINUTES.

WHY DID YOU HAVE TO RUN OUT???

I sat at home every night.

WAITING.

Hoping that this boy might call me.

And he tried to.

And my phone didn't work.

So I sat.

And got fat.

And did absolutely NOTHING.

Am I fuming?

You betcha.

I hate my life.

And fate hates me.

End of story.

Plus, 

This lad leaves for the next week on a canyon adventure.

So now.

I must wait a WHOLE week to see him.

Gosh dang it.

But on the plus side,

I will have minutes on the 16th.

So we should be golden by time he arrives home.

Okay.

Thats my ramble for today.

I'll let you know how it goes when this fellow decides to pop into my life again.

And pray he does.

Sometimes You Got To Do What You Got To Do.

What in the world just happened to my life?

Impulse.

No thinking.

Just feelings.

And a little bit of madness.

My life.

There you go.

I have always wanted to try it.

Just push away my fears and insecurities.

Let my heart take over and give in.

So I did.

And...

I don't know what to do.

What to think.

How to conduct myself.

Should I be embarrassed?

Maybe a little.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

This post makes absolutely no sense.

But welcome to the rapid, senseless mind of Linsey Brown.

It's an issue.

I wish I could tell you everything.

But I won't.

Just understand I'm a teenage girl.

My decisions are rash and bizarre.

I blame summer.

This season does something to my mind and my heart.

It makes me crazy.

I love it.

This is how memories are made right?

Hello, This Was My Week.

Once upon a time Linsey never wrote on her blog.

The end.

Lets start with Wednesday:

I went to a choir concert.

And might I just say,

My school is oh so talented.

I sat by my romeo.

Our secret love....

It's fantastic.

After I arrived home I had the privledge of watching the American Idol Finale.

SCOOOTTTTTTYYYYYY!!!

My boy.

My love.

I called it from the very beginning.

He will be a legend.

Thursday:

Two words.
Bad. Day.
Do you ever have those days when nothing goes your way,
when teachers don't work with you,
when friends act silly,
when fate hates you,
when a certain boy ignores your existance,
when you have 170000000 things to do and so little time,
and you really just want a chocolate bar?

Yep.
That was my life.

That night we had our Dance Co banquet.
I wanted to cry.
It was so hard being with my entire Company for the last time.
But I was comforted.
We have so many great memories together.
We are sisters.
As cliche as it sounds,
We can't cry because it's over,
we should smile because it happened.
I will never forget Dance Company 2010 - 2011.
A true sisterhood.

Friday:

One of the best days I have had in the longest time.
At lunch,
A tailgate party was held on the band field.
Hot dogs were eaten,
and memories were made.
A complete success.
Then came the state championship baseball game.
I had the privilege to sit by my dear Crush through out the entire game.
BONDDINNNG definitely occurred.
Man.... I will write a little bit more about that later.
We lost.
But second in state is not that bad right?
It's actually quite amazing.
Then came Powder Puff.
Stupid seniors.
I hate you.
All of you.
And your cheating ways.
GRRRRR.
I got a real cool jersey that some lovelies made for me.
It sported the number 26 along with the name of "Puffs" on the back.
May I just say I love that shirt?
A lot.
Then came Cavestock.
Talk about your craziness.
At first everything went quite well.
Doing my free period I got work with the cotton candy.
A literal dream come true.
I am easily entertained.
Sue me.
Then the rain came.
Usually I'm a fan of water falling from the sky but not when we are holding an outside dance with expensive electronics that must be out of H20's way.
So,
the chaos began.
The rain meant we had to bring everything in.
Every chair.
Every table.
Every piece of equipment.
By the end I was a soaking wet mess that really needed a power nap.
Might I just say,
when things need to get done,
I turn into a different person.
My priorities are shifted and I run around like a mad women trying to get things done.
And things we a lot easier because my dear Crush was by my side for the most of the night.
He helped me with everything.
I really appreciated it.
He made me smile.
A lot.
Then Momo and I decided to take a break and wrestle in the grass.
One of the best ideas I have ever had.
She is a little monster.
I like a challenge.

Yep.
We are that cool.
Notice the jersey. Number 26.
Booyahhh.

After about an hour of endless clean up the dance began.
And I partied.
It was very hot.
I became very sweaty.
But did that stop me from dancing with my Crush?
NO SIRR.
American Fork High School is just so school.
At one point in the evening my red headed little sister, a little sophy I admire with all my heart,
and I decided to stand on the benches and dance.
Pretty soon,
our whole little group was on those old piles of wood partying like
 there was no tomorrow.
Towards the end of the night,
They played a song of unity and the whole school linked arms and stood in a big circle.
We all shifted back and forth.
Looking at each other's faces.
Looking at the seniors who are off to bigger and better things.
Wanting to cry.
But smiling thinking of all the memories.
We all shouted ah-chil-le-le.
For the last time.
It was a great end.
Not to mention,
I danced with my Crush.
Twice.
That's right.
And all I have to say is I believe I have fallen quite hard for the kid.
Never in my life had I thought it would have developed into this.
He is amazing.
I have never met a more amazing boy.
He makes me swoon.
And giggle.
And... man.
Not to mention he improved immensely as a dancer.
Mainly, we worked on dips and spins.
Magical.
We had a moment.
I am the luckiest girl to ever walk this planet.
But at the same time,
I am terrified.
I don't know how to conduct myself.
I don't know what to do.
Hello seventh grade.
That is what I feel like.
Let the pieces fall where they may, I like to say.
Cavestock.
Success.
Pure happiness.
I love my life.
Very much.

Please Start Now. Yes, I Would Like That.

Ah-ha moments.

Priceless.

Do you ever have those moments when all the pieces fit?

Where every thought clicks?

And makes perfect sense?

I had a few of those on Saturday.

Maybe more than a few.

It started out with a service project.

Picking up the trash in American Fork.

My dear group had the joyful task of walking from In-N-Out to Cold Stone.

I brought a friend.

*Place giggle here*

I was told I was completely useless because it was impossible to stay concentrated.

Hm.

I don't understand what they are talking about.

I adore these girls.

I'm a total loser for not getting a picture with my friend.

Ugh.

I spent the rest of the day with my soul sister.

It in insane how you can be the exact opposite of a person,

but at the same,

you find your other half.

She's the artistic one.

Writing, photography, art,

the whole shibang.

I'm the logical one.

I like numbers and patterns.

Consistency.

Symmetry.

OCD.

Being best friends is having one soul in two bodies.

I found my other half.

We maybe so different,

but we are givers.

We will give EVERYTHING to those we care about.

Do anything for them.

Listen to their joys and rejoice with them.

Discuss little details and over analyze every portion as girls love to do.

Listen to stories of heartbreak and comfort,

even when we are dying inside.

Serve the ones we love in every way possible.

I always knew I did this.

But never have I met someone willing to open up to me,

as she has.

The more we talked, the more we began to realize we both made SBO for many reasons.

One of the top reasons?

To become soul sisters.

And we are.

And I love her.

I am so blessed to have this young lassie in my life.

We went to yard sales.

Went grocery shopping.

We played with kitties and puppies.

See for yourself.

Look at my little Simba.

What a gem.

The old and new council member had a little party.

I was abnormally quiet.

I still feel like the odd girl out.

Soon, my odd ways will be accepted and I will have a family with my council.

But for now...

I'm scared.

I'm scared I won't fit it.

That I will be looked at as this random child on council,

that doesn't really belong.

I know once my council sees the true me,

they will welcome me with open arms.

But I am in transition right now.

With friends,

with myself.

I am changing.

And I know it.

Love it, to be precise.

Ah-ha.

I spent half my night with my SBO ladies.

And that is when things clicked.

I looked around, and I felt loved.

And cared for.

When it comes to a Blue,

such as myself,

there is not a greater feeling.

I can already tell,

we are going to be so so close.

I can't wait.

  

Dear StuCo,

I would really appreciate it if you would start now.

I would love to have a family.

My dream is to walk up to all the members and each of them to smile and accept me.

That would be nice.

You are a major blessing in my life, and as I count my many,

I do not want you to go waste.

I want to start now.

This very moment.

I love you.

With all my heart.

Thank you.

For everything.

Please make my senior year the best one ever.

I would really like that.

With all my heart,

Linsey.

Understanding The Change.

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.

If you are going to go through hell, keep going.

Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.

Everyone has his day and some days last longer than others.

Winston Churchill

What a fantastic man.

The more my life goes on,

the more I am seeing things for what they truly are.

I am growing.

And that's the point of life.

Right?

Ask me a month ago,

And I would say that my life was falling to pieces.

I was losing my best friends.

I lost my Elder.

Everything I held onto so dear and grasping, planning on never letting go,

Well,

They slowly faded away.

Still are.

I thought my life was over.

That I would never fit in anywhere else.

But that's the funny thing about life.

When one door closes,

You break down a window.

 You run for SBO.

And shock yourself when you actually make it.

You pushed down your guarded walls,

and make new friends 

that you begin to wonder how you ever lived without them.

You find yourself.

Truly.

You begin to discover little abilities that have been covered up by

self doubt and fear of others judging.

You change.

That step through the broken window and refiner glass shapes you.

All within a month.

I view things differently.

I walk down the hall and notice people.

I have an unyielding want to help.

I want,

wait scratch that,

NEED to make a change.

And the Lord has presented me with the perfect opportunity.

I am in love with my life.

Every imperfection,

every hardship.

Weird. I know.

But I feel my Savior's love and 

I know that even in my weakest moments I am getting stronger.

There is divine beauty in that.

I love the moments of complete laughter and embarrassment.

Because they make one heck of a story.

Some of them are definitely golden for the grandchildren.

I'm just... Grateful.

For everything.

I love everyone.

And you.

Especially you.

Things are changing.

So am I.

And I could not feel better.

New Thoughts And A Crazy Life.

Does your life ever feel like a whirlwind?

It is Wednesday night.

A week has never flown by faster in my life.

It feels like it should be Monday during third period.

My mind is blown currently at the moment.

Friday is almost here.

You know what that means?

You guessed it.

The usual highlight of my week.

A Soccer Game.

I cannot wait.

The events of Friday might turn out to be quite epic.

I'll let you know as the moment arrives,

but cross your fingers.

AF just whooped Lone Peak in the behind today is baseball.

Name the last time AF beat Lone Peak at anything.

You can't.

That's right.

We are taking it all the year baby!

I had a full on conversation with my Crush today.

In full sentences.

He even walked me to class.

I walked into English and pratically collapsed into my desk.

I felt special.

Why does he make me feel giddy?

If only he knew.

I did homework with my best friend tonight.

Honestly,

I can talk to him better than anyone I know.

He actually listens.

It's nice.

I love my little sophomore very much.

Today, I saw a wee junior higher walking home.

He had his eyes on the ground while walking through the mud.

His pants were flooded and his shirt had a couple stains.

His untamed messy hair was tussled in the wind and whipping his think glasses.

As I passed this boy,

I thought to myself,

I wonder what his is story.

I wonder how his life at home is,

how is father and mother treat him.

I wonder what are his strengths.

What are his weaknesses.

What trails does he face.

What makes him cry.

What makes him smile.

What does he want to be when he grows up.

What are his loves in life.

Who does he love.

Isn't it crazy how we go our whole lives passing strangers and never taking a second glance.

How we go to school and

put on a smile,

and act like nothing is wrong?

Like we are all living perfect lives?

The truth is,

it is all a show.

We are all real humans.

We all have trials.

We all scream and cry and fight.

Yet, 

we act as though everything is fine.

When it's not.

This boggles my mind.

I am still trying to conclude my thoughts on this subject.

If everyone just understood what every other person was going through,

wouldn't this world be a more gentler place?

More loving?

More happy?

Just something to think about.

It alters your perspective a wee bit 

when you look at the faces that you see in the hall every day.

I have love for every individual.

I see beauty in all of them.

Its a different experience.

I guess I am just growing.

I like it.

Random fact:

May the fourth be with you.

National Star Wars Day.

Epic.

Seeing everyone running around with lightsavers and 

fighting as jedis,

creating allies,

and preparing for combat.

Man, it was a good day.

Not gonna lie,

I learned some pretty deadly moves.

Not to toot my own horn 

or anything.

TOOT TOOT!

An Eventful Weekend.

Within the last 48 hours

I have never learned so much about myself.

Honestly.

My limits.

My strengths.

My weaknesses.

The things that make me truly happy.

Experiences that makes me weep.

True love being reunited.

Friendships on the fritz.

Late nights and deep secrets.

Man.

My life.

Someone help me.

It all started Thursday night.

My best friend slash newly made cheerleader

slept over at my house.

As we laid in my bed,

we talked 

and talked

and talked.

Until 2 am.

Don't forget I had to be at the school by 6:45 for SBO training.

We discussed our senior year and the changes that are coming.

I asked her how she felt.

Her answer stated

that she felt like I was giving up on her.

On our friendship.

That I am not going to fight for things to stay the same.

That shocked me.

I know it is something worth fighting for,

but when life gets started and things get crazy,

I just thought growing apart was inevitable.

Maybe I am crazy.

She says I am.

It doesn't have to be that way.

And I agree.

My mind took on a new look on this whole deal.

It will all be okay.

No matter what.

That night was our last concert.

The last time American Fork Dance Company 2010-2011

would ever dance together.

The last time with my seniors.

The last time with my best friends.

It was a very emotional night.

It started with a devotional

and the most beautiful speech by our one and only manager,

Benjamin Wright.

He his words made us weep.

So powerful.

He then sang us a song about family and love.

And how a team is one.

I lost it.

I bawled, 

Hysterically.

My make up was horribly ruined.

Which is fine.

I didn't really care.

I just wanted to give the show of our lives.

And we did.

Let me tell you.

That concert was amazing.

Perfect.

Every dance had passion.

We danced not as individuals,

but as a team.

We did it for each other.

The crowd was amazing.

The feeling of getting on that stage and performing a piece that you have put

blood, sweat, and tears into,

dancing with your best friends,

and expressing yourself in an artistic out-of-body way,

it is beyond words.

It is a whole new world of expressing emotions.

Ideas.

Inner most thoughts.

It is incredible.

Afterward, the entire company went to Pizza Factory.

What a treat.

I have never belly-gut laugh more in my life.

Our manager might be the funniest person alive.

I devoured food and loved every second of it.

At one point in the evening,

I received a phone call.

I excused myself from the table and ran outside.

Answering the phone, I was shocked to hear the voice that spoke my name.

My best friend.

The one person that has made the biggest influence on my life.

I cannot believe I have not mentioned him on this blog before because

he is the reason I am who I am today.

I had not talked to him in 5 months.

He had disappeared from my life entirely.

We got to the point where we knew each other too well,

we would try to tick each other off,

and just fought.

All. The. Time.

But here he was.

On the phone, ready to talk.

I about died.

Tears began to flow from my eyes.

I had missed him so much.

I smile cheek to cheek as a waterfall came crashing over it.

We talked for a bit.

He cracked some old time jokes,

and I laughed.

It was just comforting to hear his voice and that he was doing well.

I returned back to the table with my food ready to eat.
I indulged myself.

Afterward a few of the ladies had a night of
slumber and hot tubbing.
Secrets were shared
and stories of first kisses were told.

Saturday morning was spent at Kneaders
with my SBO soul sister.
We discussed boys and love.
Let me tell you.
She is one insightful little lassie.
I have been contemplating between two amazing men.
I had no idea.
So she gave me a bit of advice.
Flip a coin.
My response is the same as yours right now.
Why would you base your future on probability?
But there is a catch.
As soon as you flip the coin,
a name will pop into your head.
The name of who you hope it will land on.
And that is the boy you really want to be with.
So I did it.
And it worked.
I will let you know how that plays out.
After leaving, we had a very dramatic experience.
She was in tears.
I was her comforter.
My problem is,
I take on other peoples emotions as my own.
When I reached my home,
my body was shaken and my thoughts were unclear.

The rest of the night was spent cleaning,
and baking,
and singing.
I love nights at home.
They are just very comforting.

Today,
I went and saw my old best friend.
We cried.
I feel uneasy.
I don't know how to respond to what is happening.
My life is a whirlwind.
It is only going to get crazier.
Help.
My emotions are all tussled.
I don't know how I feel about anything at the current moment.
It will all work out though.
Won't it?

It Will Never Be The Same.

Well,

Its the end of the world as we know it.

Really.

I apologize to those souls that saw my drastic shedding of tears today.

Quite an emotional day.

My eyes are heavy, drooping, and sore from the water that was drained.

I feel emotionally worn down.

I just want to sleep.

One of the worst days I have had in a long time.

It all started when I went to bed at 2 am,

and awoke promptly at 5:30 am.

Three and half hours of sleep.

Never a good way to start a day.

I traveled to the MATC at 6:00 am to be the first one in line for Medical Assisting.

After two hours of sitting on my behind, the line finally started moving.

I MADE IT IN.

There are only twenty-five students in the class and I got the last spot.

I love my Heavenly Father.

The blessings never cease.

I am so grateful.

I approached the high school with a heavy heart.

It looks like a death chamber.

At least it does right now, with only six weeks left of school.

It will be over soon though.

Except for I am not quite ready for it.

Because...

I am losing my best friends.

Life is never going to be the same.

My bestestesetest friends in the whole world,

have made a finally decision to not try out for Dance Company,

and become Cheerleaders.

I knew it was coming but I thought the girls would juggle both.

Today, the news came out.

They had to choose one or the other.

Their decision was cheer.

Man, I have never seen so many tears.

These girls are the heart and soul of Dance Company.

The core.

My best friends.

It is inevitable that our friendship is going to calm and almost cease to exist.

When you work, fight, and play as a team,

your best friends begin to form in that group.

It goes both ways.

In Cheer.

In SBO.

We are about to live polar opposite lives,

with different people, different experiences.

We are talking the EXACT opposite.

They are just different types of people.

And that's that.

We are going to change.

We are going to seperate.

We will ALWAYS be friends, but how close we are now?

That is going to be gone.

It's high school.

It's life.

I have cried many tears seeing truly how my life is going to change.

It is going to completely change.

Flip 180 degrees.

I don't do well with change.

Hence, the waterfalls from my eyes.

I wish my best friends luck.

I hope they find complete happiness with their new goals in life.

My heart hurts.

But Heavenly Father is watching over me.

He knows what I need.

I love him.

I am grateful.

He blessed me with SBO.

I am going to grow in so many ways.

I am going to be surrounded by the best of the best kids.

I am going to form a family.

I can't wait.

It is highly needed.

I am just going to miss this.

Every moment, every laugh, every smile,

I am going to take in the rest of the year.

Because it will never be the same.

That's what hurts the most.

But I will be okay.

I always pull through.

Somehow.

“Even though we've changed and we're all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends.”

The three ladies not in the uniform will soon be running around in those short skirts.

I will wear my sweater with pride.

Love you girls.

You will always be my best friends.

 

 

Believe.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
-Marianne Williamson.


Believe in yourself.
You are that wonderful.
Don't ever forget it.

Breathe Linsey. You Can Do This.

I am in a bit of a tussle.

Actually, an internal panic.

Freaking out to be precise.

I have just come to the actual realization that I am a Student Body Officer for the next year.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I don't know what to do.

I don't know how to plan such big events.

The SBOs before me are absolutely outstanding.

You could not ask for a better group of kids.

Now, I am asked to step up to the plate,

and fill their shoes?

Holy fancy moses.

I cannot tell whether this is mere excitement or anxiety,

but one thing is for sure.

I am going to need Heavenly Father for this one.

I am definitely going to need his help.

And the more I think about it,

laying in my bed at 1:30 in the morning,

I am ready.

I can do this.

I will make this next year, the best EVER for the students of American Fork High.

Yes, I can do this.

But there is so much to take on.

So many things to get done.

Am I capable of this?

Did they pick the right girl?

I feel like Rapunzel right now, right after she left the castle.

She did it.

She accomplished her dream of leaving he tower.

(I tackled my dream of become an SBO)

But once the actual realization of what her decision actually brings,

she begins to panic about what is in store for her.

(Does this sound like anyone?)

Here is the actual clip:

The difference between us is:

She is having an internal conflict of destroying her mother's feelings or not.

I am having completely bipolar thoughts on whether I can live up to my full potential as an SBO or not.

So I will pray.

I will have Heavenly Father strengthen me.

I know I can do this.

I can.

If I couldn't, wouldn't they have not placed me in this council?

All the current SBO's believe in me.

The problem is believing in myself.

Normal teenage girl stuff right?

I just... want this next year to be perfect.

I want this next year of 2011 - 2012 to have the best experience possible.

My excitement comes from knowing that I get to plan that.

I am a main source of help.

And I can't wait.

I want to start tomorrow.

I want to prove I can do it.

Not only to others around me, but to myself.

Heavenly Father has a plan for me.

He put me in this position for a reason.

There are so many things I am willing to learn.

That he wants me to learn.

Now, I just have to live up to this.

The more and more I write on this post,

The more I am beaming with excitement and readiness.

BAAHHHHHH.
I am ready.
Bring it on.

Ok, venting is done.

Hero. Hero. I love you so.

I am on a childhood rant.

So I got a few quotes from my childhood hero.

Of all time.

Winnie the Pooh

If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus 1 day, so I never have to live without you.

If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. but the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. I'll always be with you.


You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.

     When late morning rolls around and you're feeling a bit out of sorts, don't worry; 
      you're probably just a little eleven o'clockish.

     "I don't see much sense in that," said Rabbit.
     "No," said Pooh humbly, "there isn't. But there was going to be when I began it.
     It's just that something happened to it along the way."

I am a Bear of Very Little Brain, and long words bother me.

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh," he whispered.
"Yes, Piglet?" 
"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw, "I just wanted to be sure of you."

 

Endurance.

Today in Seminary,

Our lesson was on 

How To Cope When You Are Having A Bad Day.

Isn't it crazy that Heavenly Father knows exactly what you need?

And he blesses you with understanding?

It's outstanding.

I love my Heavenly Father very very much.

We were shown this video:

My poor Seminary class.

I bawled.

Hopelessly.

Through out this entire thing.

It is so inspirational.

My favorite lines:

"I pray, I get answers, and I do it."

"To me, beauty and motherhood are one."

 "There are moments in my life when my spirits taps my heart 

to remind me just why I mortally exist."

My dear bloggers and friends,

Please listen for the moments when your spirit taps your heart.

When the holy ghost whispers in that still small voice.

When you grow.

When you are strengthened.

When your testimony is strengthened.

Doctrine and Covenants 121

7 My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;

8 And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.

Endurance.

That is the word we must focus on.

The scriptures never say we can't be upset.

That we can't be frustrated.

That we can't cry.

All it says is that we must endure with faith.

We must endure with the Savior by our side.

45 Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul as the dews from heaven.

 

Rain, rain, and more rain.

Oh... man.

Relapse?

I think yes.

It all started when I walked out to my car and into the open garage.

I traveled to the very edge nearing the pouring rain.

I stopped abruptly.

Staring.

Just hopelessly staring at the stormy sky and falling droplets of water.

I couldn't move.

The thought of entering the rain was more threatening

than entering acid poison draining from the sky.

Too many memories.

Floods and floods, coming and coming.

Of Elder.

Remember, we dated October and November.

Which meant...

Rain.

Rain.

Rain.

How many memories do I have of us running

wild and crazy through the streets in the heavy rain?

Dancing.

Soaking wet.

Elder tackling me to the ground.

Wrestling on the cement floor.

Kicking,

Fighting,

Screaming,

Tickling,

Laughing.

Only to end with a somber kiss.

Sitting up and knowing this was love.

His ocean blue eyes pouring into mine.

The sly, flawless crooked smile on his face.

That look that made me know I was special to him.

Thats when life was good.

Reality was finally better than my dreams.

I saw those memories flash before my eyes.

Like a movie.

Tears suddenly flooded my face.

The memories wouldn't stop.

There is a dear Taylor Swift song titled:

Sparks Fly

The lyrics of the chorus are such as:

Drop everything now
Meet me in the pouring rain
Kiss me on the sidewalk
Take away the pain
cause I see, sparks fly whenever you smile

Get me with those [blue] eyes, baby
As the lights go down
Something that'll haunt me when you're not around
cause I see, sparks fly whenever you smile

I became obsessed with this experience becoming a reality so

I became determined to make it happen.

So when the next rainstorm appeared,

I was prepared.

I texted Elder as the droplets began to drizzle.

"What are you doing?"

"Just been waiting for you to text me :)"

"Well, do you want to meet me at the spot?"

"I'll be there in ten minutes :)"

Man, he was so great.

I jumped in my car and sped off to our little romantic spot.

Satisfied, I showed up a few minutes before him.
The rain falling a little harder.

Zoooommm.

The little white car shot around the corner.

I prayed my little plan would be accomplished today.

I stepped out of my car.

I stood on the sidewalk and 

I just smiled as he pulled around the round-about.
I began to shiver as my clothes were drenched with water.

He turned off his car, looking at me skeptically.

I zoned in on him, using only our eyes for communication.

The boy could practically read my mind.

Before I knew it, he was out of his car,

sprinting towards me.

An animal hunting it's prey.

With one hand placed on the back of my neck

and the other secured around my waist,

he gave me the kiss of my life.

Just as my little song predicted,

We had our first kiss in the rain.

Memories.

Coming.

Flooding.

Tears.

Heartbreak.

Help?

At least I haven't forgotten him.

Those memories will always be with me.

He will always be with me.

Almost four months without him.

Bahhh.