Monday, October 17, 2011

Never Give Up.

Heavenly Father knows his children.
He answers prayers in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm so lucky.
He answered mine.

I went back tonight.
Back to where our love existed.
Back to where everything was perfect.
Where he told me he loved me.
Where Taylor Swift became a reality.
In his words:

"Sometimes I lay down at night, 
and I think about you.
How good my life used to be.
But you know what?
It will be that much better when I come home."

That's my hope.
That's what I hold onto.

I went with my besty.
She knows how to carry me.
She knows what to say.
And tonight...
Revelation came through her.
What I needed to hear,
She spoke so clearly with tear in her eyes.
And it hit me like a bag of bricks.
Because I can't give up.
I never will.
Not until my very last breathe will I ever give up.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Well, This Sucks.

I have forgotten how to laugh.
Truly laugh.
I can't remember the last time I felt complete bliss.
I blame it all on...
Being overwhelmed.
Being torn.
And broken.
Somewhere in the midst of all that crap,
I have forgotten how to laugh.

I miss my carefree self.
I miss the days of recklessness,
where none of the rules applied to me.
I was living high school to the fullest.
I miss it.
Because now...
I'm hard.
I don't smile unless its expected of me.

I don't know how to change.
I want to learn to giggle again.
Be out of control.
Because as of right now...
I don't know how to get back to that.

If you could,
include me in your prayers.
I need all the help I can get right now.

I Stand All Amazed.

I heard this story at a Homecoming talk.
Please read it.
It'll change your life.

There was once a bridge that spanned a large river. During most of the day the bridge sat with its length running up and down the river paralleled with the banks, allowing ships to pass through freely on both sides of the bridge. But at certain times each day, a train would come along and the bridge would be turned sideways across the river, allowing the train to cross it.

A switchman sat in a shack on one side of the river where he operated the controls to turn the bridge and lock it into place as the train crossed.

One evening as the switchman was waiting for the last train of the day to come, he looked off into the distance through the dimming twilight and caught sight of the train lights. He stepped onto the control and waited until the train was within a prescribed distance. Then he was to turn the bridge. He turned the bridge into position, but, to his horror, he found the locking control did not work. If the bridge was not securely in position, it would cause the train to jump the track and go crashing into the river. This would be a passenger train with MANY people aboard.

He left the bridge turned across the river and hurried across the bridge to the other side of the river, where there was a lever switch he could hold to operate the lock manually.

He would have to hold the lever back firmly as the train crossed. He could hear the rumble of the train now, and he took hold of the lever and leaned backward to apply his weight to it, locking the bridge. He kept applying the pressure to keep the mechanism locked. Many lives depended on this man's strength.

Then, coming across the bridge from the direction of his control shack, he heard a sound that made his blood run cold.

"Daddy, where are you?" His four-year-old son was crossing the bridge to look for him. His first impulse was to cry out to the child, "Run! Run!" But the train was too close; the tiny legs would never make it across the bridge in time..

The man almost left his lever to snatch up his son and carry him to safety. But he realized that he could not get back to the lever in time if he saved his son.

Either many people on the train or his own son - must die.

He took but a moment to make his decision. The train sped safely and swiftly on its way, and no one aboard was even aware of the tiny broken body thrown mercilessly into the river by the on rushing train. Nor were they aware of the pitiful figure of the sobbing man, still clinging to the locking lever long after the train had passed. They did not see him walking home more slowly than he had ever walked; to tell his wife how their son had brutally died.

Now if you comprehend the emotions that went through this man's heart, you can begin to understand the feelings of Our Father in Heaven when He sacrificed His Son to bridge the gap between us and eternal life. 

Don't take the Atonement for granted.
It is the most miraculous thing to ever happen on this earth.
We are the people on the train sometimes.
Oblivious to what our Father and Brother had to go through
so that we could live with them again.
We don't even think twice.
Love your Savior.
Pray to your Father.
He loves you so much.
He loves me.
And I love him.

Monday, October 3, 2011

On The Horizon

Ladies and Gentlemen.
My life.
In quotes.

A new story is on the horizon.
I can feel it.

But I won't ruin the ending now.
That would be silly.

Just know...
The twelfth step in my heartbreak rehabilitation program is about to be complete.

There is a new man in town.