Sunday, February 27, 2011

My Best Friend.

Someone told me this today.
Christ is the only man that has ever walked on the earth that knows what girls go through. He understands their insecurities, their pain, and their sadness. While other guys will wonder why the heck you just burst in to tears, and wonder what they should say, the Savior will sit and cry with you.
He understands, don't push him away.

To you, From me.

Oh my my my... 
It has been a while my dear blog.
How I miss the many days we used to spend together.
Well, I have reached a dilemma.
There are been some controversial uproar on a few of my past post.
I have been told:
"For the sake of the human race, you should delete your blog for all eternity."

"Linsey, you are so dramatic. You embarrass yourself."

"You should give up writing. It is not one of your strong points."

I became self concious.
I cried.
I considered giving this up.

Sticks and stone may break my bones but words can never hurt me.

One of the bigger lies I have heard in my life.
Words can crush you.
To a pulp.

That is why gossiping is so dangerous.
It can destroy people's spirit.
It can damage hearts.
It can discourage people.

Hey you.
Yes, you, the person that took the time to read this post.
Please be careful with what you say to other people.
Be of good cheer and report of only good news.
Don't talk about individuals who are not present. 
And if you do, speak of their strengths and good qualities.
We were sent to the earth to be tried and tested.
We will make mistakes.
We knew that before we were sent here.
So why do we put down others, when we ourselves make mistakes?
Do we did it to make ourselves feel better?
To make our own mistake seem smaller?
Please if you have an answer let me know.

I challenge you to live a day as if the 
Savior is by your side.
Pray for courage and strength to have his spirit with you.
Would the subject matter of your conversation change?
Would your words change?
Would your actions change?
Would you change?

I tried this. And you know what?
I was happy.
Not just the momentary pleasure that you get with your friends when a silly joke is shared.
But truly happy.
The glee and content you feel when you have the spirit with you.
You feel on top of the world.
Nothing can touch you.
No one can put you down.
I am asking you to take on this challenge.
You will be pleased. I promise.

So I decided, I can't let people get to me.
I am who I am.
I am entitled to my opinion.
I am strong.
I follow my Savior.
I fall in love, and I get hurt.
If you don't like my words, then it is silly for you to be reading this.
Because I am going to say what is in the buzzing head of mine.
I am me.
I am a daughter of a King.

Song of the day:
I Will
Hilary Weeks

I made my choice
You can mark this day
The day I pledge
To take His name

I will be strong
I will be brave
Standing for Him
As I take my place

I have felt the Spirit burn truth in my heart
It’s in my heart

And I will stand
I will not fall
In a world that’s weak
I will be strong

I’ll be true
I will choose His way
Yeah I know what’s right
And I will not change

In a World where so many will not
I Will

I may be one
But one becomes two
When you stand with me
And I stand with you

As we unite
Our cause is great
We’re not just the candle
We are the flame

I will take the light He gives me
And I’ll hold it up high

I’ll hold it up high

And I will stand
I will not fall
In a world that’s weak
I will be strong

I’ll be true
I will choose His way
Yeah I know what’s right
And I will not change
In a World where so many will not
I Will

And on that note, this I leave with you. :)

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

The Big Bro.


"Then the spirit slaps you in the face like WHO'S YOUR DADDY!"
- Elder Josh Brown.

19 TO GO!

Always thinking of me :)
He took this to REPRESENT!!

Saturday, February 19, 2011

The Quotes

I love quotes.
They are inspirational and help me in my everyday life.
I search for new ones constantly.
Especially, Conference Talks.
The apostles and prophets writing is true.
I know this.
Here are a few of my favorites:

"There is a divine purpose in the adversities we encounter every day. They prepare, they purge, they purify, and thus they bless."
--James E. Faust, "The Refiner's Fire," Ensign, May 1979, 53
I have heard people's testimony bearing the knowledge that trials are blessings. That they help us grow and learn. But lets be honest... Nobody is thinking that while in the process of the hard time. I know the person experiencing the trial is heartbroken and struggling inside. Isn't it crazy that through this time we go from complete misery to eternal bliss? This is why Heavenly Father has given us these hardships. This is how we grow. This is how we are humbled and become more like our savior. This is how we become Gods and Goddesses. When you think it through that pattern, you fully understand that trials are blessings in the eternal perspective.

"No matter what circumstances you sisters experience, your influence can be marvelously far-reaching. I believe some of you have a tendency to underestimate your profound capacity for blessing the lives of others. More often than not, it is not on the stage with some public pronouncement but in your example of righteousness and the countless gentle acts of love and kindness done so willingly, so often on a one-to-one basis."
--James E. Faust, "You Are All Heaven Sent," Ensign, Nov. 2002, 110
This year in U.S. History, we learned about woman's rights. It boggles my mind that women were once not treated as equally as men. We were beneath them. It makes me furious and sick. This quote reassures me that Heavenly Father sees all of us as equals and loves us all the same.

"...the strait and narrow path, though clearly marked, is a path, not a freeway nor an escalator. Indeed, there are times when the only way the strait and narrow path can be followed is on one's knees!"
--Neal A. Maxwell, "A Brother Offended," Ensign, May 1982, 37
This says it all. To make it through this life we need our Heavenly Father's and Savior's support. When you feel their love, that is when you know you can push through and endure.

At the heart of the message of the Savior of the world is a single, glorious, wonderful, still largely untried concept. In its simplest terms the message is that we should seek to overcome the selfishness we all seem to be born with, that we should overcome human nature and think of others before self."
--James E. Faust, "A Pattern of Love," Ensign, Dec. 1999, 2
Service. Helping and loving another brings true happiness. I believe that it takes a full life time to even come close to mastering this concept. Selflessness -- a life long goal.

"I think [forgiveness] may be the greatest virtue on earth, and certainly the most needed. There is so much of meanness and abuse, of intolerance and hatred. There is so great a need for repentance and forgiveness. It is the great principle emphasized in all of scripture, both ancient and modern. Somehow forgiveness, with love and tolerance, accomplishes miracles that can happen in no other way."
--Gordon B. Hinckley, "Forgiveness," Ensign, Nov. 2005, 81
Forgiveness is a my weakness. When I have been wronged and hurt, truly deeply, I will hold it against that person, for what feels like forever. It breaks my heart. I just have a problem. I don't know how to handle it. All I can do is pray for strength to forgive those that have wronged me if I want to be forgiven in the last day.

"Please don't nag yourself with thoughts of failure. Do not set goals far beyond your capacity to achieve. Simply do what you can do, in the best way you know, and the Lord will accept of your effort."
--Gordon B. Hinckley, "Rise to the Stature of the Divine within You," Ensign, Nov. 1989, 94
This brings me much peace. This quote helps me not feel like the failure I am. 

"As children of God we are somebody. He will build us, mold us, and magnify us if we will but hold our heads up, our arms out, and walk with him."
--Marvin J. Ashton, "In His Strength," Ensign, July 1973, 24
Best motto to live by. WE ARE SOMEBODY. We are brave. We are courageous with our Savior by our side.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Dear Poor Little Dead Squirrel in the Middle of the Road,

I am so sorry for taking your life away.
It was dark and you were reckless running in the middle of the street like that.
I am forced to drive by your little body every day.
Water fills my eyes every time I am forced to pass you.
For all I see is a maggot infested body and a dissolving pelt of fur.
I am so sorry.
I hope in the next life you can forgive me.

With a broken heart,
Linsey </3

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

My Girl. My Best Friend.

I have most incredible friend in the entire world.
Actually, friend is an understatement.
She is my sister.
We have been best friends since we were 2 and 3.
She will be my sister-in-law one day.
I cannot wait.
She is the definition of a true friend.
We don't have to be with each other everyday, yet when we are together, 
we act like we did when we were 5.
She is so kind.
She is loyal.
She always knows how to put a smile on my face.
She is one of the most Christlike people I know.
She is constantly looking out for the well being of others.
She is the catch of the century.

McCallie :)
McCall Gibb.
My Celestial Sister.
I love you so much deary.
Thanks for sticking with me through all these years.
I value your friendship more than you will ever know.

The Day of Love.

Oh, Valentines Day.
The Joy.
The Heartbreak.
The Excitement.
What an exceedingly fine day it was.

At first, I was a bit skeptical.
I knew I wasn't going to have a Valentine.
The man I am head over heals for is in Central America.
The poor kid probably doesn't even know it is Valentines day.
Hence, I am alone.
I don't even look at boys now.
Boys don't even consider me.
I am just BLAHHH now.

I knew I would spend the day of love by my lonesome self.

I thought to take matters into my hands this holiday.
I was determined to have a jolly good day.
So... I bought myself my own gifts.
I was so proud of myself.
After purchasing my love's new album
*Ahem Justin Bieber*
I went all out.
A 3D switchy Justin Bieber poster.

A little off center, but it is still truly beautiful.

Yes, pathetic is my middle name.
I had to buy myself my own Valentine present.
Its fine. It happens.

Luckily, I have an amazing mother.
She knows what I love.
My madre knows how to make me happy.
After getting primped up for this hopelessly awful day, dressing in black for the occasion,
I treaded to my kitchen to fill myself with comfort. My food.
When I approached the counter my day took a flip.
Mommy bought me presents!

The socks.
The lipgloss.
The letter.
The notebook.
The key chain.
I was speechless.
My dear mother knows me allllll tooooo well.
I love Vampire Diaries.
Lets get that out of the way right now.
With a hop in my step, I headed off to school.

First period was beloved Seminary.
Oh, how I love Brother Boucher.
He is a fantastic man.
I have learned so much already in his class.
Today we talked on dating.
On having a steady boyfriend in high school and how that is not acceptable
I say pish-posh.
I disagree 100%.
I let him know that too.
I think high school is a time to learn. 
It is a time to grow. 
It is a time to make mistakes.
When I am in a relationship, I learn the most about myself.
I learn what I can handle and what I can't.
I find my characteristics and gifts I have when I am placed in different situations.
I did not speak the entire lesson.
I let dear Brother Boucher give his speech the entire period, to get his point across.
Once everyone left the room, I let it all out.
Poor guy. He was speechless.
He didn't know that I was such an opinionated girl.
That was an interesting experience.

The rest of the school day continued with no excitement.
Once I was released from my prison, I ventured to T-Slate's humble home.
We were expecting the company of Lone Peak Sophomores.
Oh, how I love that little group of boys.
I fell asleep.
I was bored.
I was sad.
Valentines Day had taken a turn for the worst.
I laid on the couch like a potato,
in hope that sleep would make the day fly by.
All I wanted to do was go home.
Listen to my JB soundtrack and dance around in.
My favorite sort of entertainment.
But I was too lazy to travel home, so I slept away miserably on the couch.

Buzzzz Buzzzzz
My lovely man of a friend, Austin, texted me.
A Valentines Day dinner.
What a glorious idea.
Austin is one of my closest friends and I deeply treasure his friendship.
After much arranging, a double date was planned with Landon and Natasha.
Their hard work definitely paid off:

Our candle lit dinner. So romantic.

Take a gander at this lovely couple. Keepers for sure.

Me and Jarvis. Aka The Butler. Aka Parker Shelby. Aka Landon's little brother.

Ahhhh. I love this boy.

Well the night played for as such:
We ate.
We laughed.
Jokes were shared.
Tash's rude comments were present.
A movie was watched.
Some moves were made.
Most were rejected.
Our night in a nutshell.

Dear dear Austin. I love him more than he will ever even comprehend.
There is chemistry.
If this night would have happened six months ago, I am sure kisses would have been exchanged.
But I am a completely different girl than who I was back then.
I am not the crazy teenager that just wants to have fun.
I want substantial love.
I want spiritual access my special someone.
I don't want to kiss anyone anymore.
That is part of it.

The other portion is...
Ugh, stupid heart. Can't you just move on?

I can remember my last night with him perfectly.
It was the 8th of November. Elder was leaving on the 10th for the MTC. This Monday was a chance for us to say goodbye and spend our final moments together.
As usual, we met at our secret spot.
To this day, no one knows where it is. It is our little secret.
It is beyond special to me, I have not been there since that night.
We met up at 8, and my curfew was pushed to midnight because of the occasion.
Four hours.
That was all we had to be with each other.
I remember his car pulling around the corner.
My heart dropped knowing this was the last time I would witness his arrival to our precious spot.

We got out of our cars simultaneously.
Before I knew it, I was being spun in the air.
A perfect moment in the arms of my Elder.
He was a little excited to see me. 

When our embrace finally ended, I looked into his eyes.
A better definition would be melted.
I can still remember the pain that shown through his ice blue eyes.

Softly, he placed his hand of the back of my neck and drew me in.
Never in my life had I known a more powerful kiss.
It was gentle and soft, but the pain of the situation stung every moment.

After he pulled away, I saw this moment for what it truly was.
This kiss was the first of our last moments together for two years.
My heart shattered that very second.
I would not waste this night.
In anyway.
After climbing into the backseat of his car, our night really began.
We took the first hour to bear our testimonies to each other.
I have NEVER felt the spirit so strong.
The testimony of a soon-to-be missionary is outstanding.
The faith and willingness of his heart was remarkable.
I was blown away.

I only fell that much harder.

The next hour was... well... very intimate. 
Can you really blame us?
This was our last time together, 
Of course he was going to catch all the rain he could before his two year drought.
Bur randomly, at one point, he pulled away and became angry.
Almost furious.
I began to wonder what in the world I did to trigger this emotion.
Suddenly he exclaimed:
"Why now?! I have waited for my the girl of my dreams for all of high school. We even went to school together! Why are you in my life now? Right before I leave? We could have been so happy my entire senior year. Why did it have to happen like this?" and so forth.
I was shocked. My face was probably priceless.
I knew I had thought these thoughts before but I never knew they crossed Elder's mind.
My reply was:
"Ok, lets go back to your senior year. Where were you mentally? Where were you spiritually? Lets be honest, you are a different person than you were back in high school. What we have is special, and it means so much more because we are more mature now. Lets just be grateful that this did happen. And that we are in love now."

That was the first time love was ever brought up.
I buried my head in his chest, trying to disguise the initial shock and embarrassment.
I did not know how he would react.
If that would ruin everything.
I knew I felt it, but I was never quite sure where he stood.

Cricket cricket.
Oh great, I just ruined everything.

After an eternity, Elder surprised me.
He slid me onto his lap and cradled me in his arms.
For about ten minutes we just sat in quietness.
I was in complete bliss.
At least he didn't shun me like I thought he would.
To my surprise, he began to tickle words onto my back.
This entertained us for a while, he wrote a word, I would guess it.
Silly sayings, inside jokes.
Before I knew it, he wrote.
I am in love with you.
My head snapped up instantly.
I stared at him. 
"Linsey, I have never had stronger feelings for any other girl in my life. I am in love you. I want you to wait for me. I know I could marry and be the happiest guy alive."
Ohhhhh myyyyyy goodness.
Talk about your heart stopping!
Giddiness filled my body, and I just leaned in to kiss him.

Best night we ever shared.
This is the memory I cling to.
While I was on my date, I kept having flashback of that night.
I wanted to cry.
I wanted a time machine.
That is why I couldn't kiss Austin.

I am terrified to kiss someone else.
I am scared that if I kiss another boy I lose that memory of Elder.
I feel like that is the last thing that ties us together.
And once I lose the memory of our last kiss... I am terrified that I will forget him. 
And I can't let that go.

After I returned home, my poor mother had to witness the tears.
Many many tears.
She thinks this whole thing is silly, I was 16 and we only dated for two months.
But she always has a shoulder I can cry on.
To try and calm myself I logged onto facebook. 
This is the picture I found:

Bloggers, I would like to introduce you to my Elder.

Aaron Jeffrey Hill

This a picture of him with the little ninos of Guatemala.
What a babe :)

This made my Valentines Day.
This brought more tears.
Tears of joy.
He looks so happy.
I love it.

That was my day of love.
It had its ups and its downs but in the end
all you need is love.

Sunday, February 13, 2011


Sometimes in life I am blessed with small revelations.
I like to call these small blessings Ah-ha moments.
It is a time in my life were the pieces fit.
My thoughts click.
I can make sense of how I am feeling.
These unusual moments will bring tears but I am grateful for the knowledge that I gain with each one.

I have had a revelation.

My time with Elder was magical. 
There is honestly not another word to put to that portion of my life. 
I lived in a fairytale.
 I fell in love with my prince.
We clicked and could not be happier.
I have never been happier.
 The Holy Ghost was constantly present and I could feel my Savior's love. 
He inspired these feelings. 
He pushed me to be the best I could be.
He challenged me to read The Book of Mormon in a month.
I did it. 
I am so grateful for everything he taught me.
 I am grateful for what I found in myself. 
The capacity I have to love another is outstanding. 
I found that too. 
People say I only dated him for two months, how could I possibly be in love?
 I am only 16, how could I possibly be in love? 
It is a little thing I like to call experience.
 I cannot explain it. 
When you know, you know.
 Love is the most incredible feeling. 
It is knowing that you would give your life for that person, 
knowing they bring out the best you and push you everyday. 
Knowing that you will fight, you will get annoyed
but nothing is greater than having that special someone in your life. 
You wouldn't trade it for the world.
 But I would for my Savior. 
And I have. 
The happiness I received from dating my dear Elder are gone now. 
I handed him over to the Savior to do his work. 
To be a tool in his hands. 
To change lives.
 To give the people of Guatemala celestial glory.
 It is hard to give away the one thing that brought you true happiness, 
but in return the blessing will be so much greater.

I lived in complete and utter bliss.

But to be blunt.

That chapter of my life is over.

It is done, he is gone.

Letters are a source of small communication but we will never be as we were before.
Even when he comes home, things will be different.
And I know this.

I am not an idiot, I see things for what they are.
No matter how hard I try to change my concepts on different ideas,
the facts are never going to change.

I have to move on.
I have to get over this.
The tears need to end.
It is time.

This is my revelation.

Take what I have learned.
 Begin to develop the person I have become. 
Be grateful for those two months. 
Search for that happiness instead of clinging to the past. 
It is time.
I am ready.
I am strong.
I can do this.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Justin Bieber Forever and Always.

Once upon a time... There was a girl who got pregnant in high school.
She bore a son and named him

Justin Drew Beiber.

What would I do with my life if he was never born?
Honestly, I would be a completely different person.
My dreams would not be as high.
My hope would not be never ending.

Do I sound obsessed?
I am.

July 10, 2010
I had the opportunity to marvel at the love of my life.
In concert. 
4th row.
Dead Center.
I cried three times.
These are the pictures that were taken by yours truly.

My ultimate favorite. He looks like an angel.

This is where I vow.
I will NOT leave this earth without 
Justin Beiber knowing my name.
We will be friends.
We will be lovers.
It is a goal I have set and I will do anything to achieve it.
I love him.
I am infatuated.
JB, I am always here for you.
Your number one fan, always ready to back you up.

And if you are a hater,
You will not regret it.
You will see what Justin Bieber is all about.
He is kind.
He is grateful.
He gives back.
He is beautiful.
He is talented.
He knows where he came from.
He has the voice of an angel.
He is always himself.
I love him. 

Here are a few pics of us together:

Our first picture. How touching.

This was taken during my fat phase. Give me a break.

Baadddd haircut.

Aren't we just the cutest couple?
We belong together.
I know.
And I will wait for the day when he realizes this as well.
JB Forever.
Love you.

JB. The Love of My Life.

The events that lie before me tonight are epic.
Life changing.

Never Say Never.
Justin Bieber in 3D.

I will update you after my adventure with my man.
Til then, adios.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

The Return of Mr. D.

Well, the title says it all.
I hate to say but I have failed at keeping my blog updated on this little portion of my life.
The last place I left off on this little story was whether to love or not to love.
Well, I decided to grow up, getting over my fears, and just let things flow.

Last Thursday, I texted Mr. D. and planned to hang out on Saturday.
When Saturday came around, I once again texted him asking
"****! You still on for tonight?"
*Name has been censored our for privacy reasons.
I waited, I waited, and I waited.
No. Reply. Back.
I wasn't mad.
I was more upset with the fact that I couldn't help.
That I had changed my mindset all for nothing.
I was willing to give this a shot, which was a big deal for me,
and I got shot down.
But I got over it fast and went to move on in life.
Monday, after school, I was at Boshua's house watching Casper the Friendly Ghost.
Buzzz Buzzzz
And Linsey's phone went off.
One text message, Mr. D.
It consisted of a sweet apology and a request to hang out again.
I replied with a simple yes, and whenever he is not busy.
Tuesday night I recieved another request to hang out, but for that night.
After we went through all of our possibilities, we came to a conclusion.
Pizza Factory. With his whole family.
Father, Mother, Brother, Sisters, and All.
After I had an internal freak out, I rushed to get ready.
He picked me up, we got in the car, with his family, and headed off.
It was great.
It was so great.
I have always known his family.
Everyone is so grown up.
I had a really good time and it was nice talk to him again.
His family is adorable and I didn't feel awkward for a second.
Thats saying a lot.
When I was dropped off, I asked him if he would like to come inside real quick and talk to the fam.
Oh boy, did we talk.
We talked all night.
Late in to the night.
As in 2 a.m.
In the morning.
On a school night.
I have never felt so comfortable.
I usually have anxiety when a male is in the presence of my family.
I don't know why.
I just feel like I have to watch what I say. 
How I act.
But not with Mr. D. over.
I think it is because I have grown up with the child.
He used to live at my house.
It was so nice having him back.
It was almost like having Joshy Boy home.
The next best thing.
I loved that night.
Nothing romantic happened in anyway.
We were just the little kids we always have been.
Talking about life and new experiences. 
What shocked me the most was how open he was with me 
about everything.
No subject was off limits, no experience too awkward.
We even brought up childhood experiences.
For example:

Back when I was 6 or 7, Mr. D. and Josh were having a sleepover. I fell asleep down stairs on the couch with them after watching a movie. Supposedly, from Mr. D.'s point of view, Joshua woke him up with a plan. These mere 8 or 9 year olds had decided to pee in my mouth. While I was dreaming of rainbows and unicorn peacefully. I woke up to urine being drained in my mouth. I still hate him for that. After I woke up, I started to weep and sprinted to my mother's room. I tried to shake her awake to explain to her this most awful experience. She dowrsily asked what I would like her to do. "Uhhh... Punishment?" Was my sassy 6 year old response. So she gave me a choice. I could either have Josh's 20 dollars or his rare one-of-a-kind Pokemon card.
I chose the Pokemon card.

As you can see, we were close. Close enough that the child encouraged my kin to urinate in my mouth.
It's hard though.
He truly is like my brother.
I can see us just being close until the day he leaves. Nothing romantic.
At the same time, I can see us possibly being something.
I don't know where Mr. D. and I stand, but what I do know is
he will be apart of my life til he goes on his mission.

Its Been a While.

Dear Blog and all those readers of my life,

My dear internet has been down. Hence, the lack of updating my every day adventures.
And let me tell you, ALOT has happened.
These next few posts are a recap of special event and dreadful news.

Monday, February 7, 2011

It came. It finally came.

Attention to one, attention to all.
I am pleased to announce the arrival of my long lost lover.
My letter.
My dear beloved letter.
It is here and all is well.

So here's how it all went down.

I decided to spend this much needed minimal day with my dear friend T-slate. After making the rounds around town, we settled in her room to do something productive. Homework, of course was the main goal, but as usual I got distracted by facebook and blog stocking.

That is when my phone began to ring.

It was my father. My amazing father.
He delivered the sweetest news anyone could ever imagine.

He had a present for me.
It had come from Guatemala. 

Instantaneously, I started crying.

Finally. My first thoughts were:
My Elder had no forgotten about me.
He had kept his promise.
I still meant something to him. 
I wonder how long it is.
When will I get to read it?

Then I remembered I was still on my cellular device.
Papa Brown then asked if he could bring it to me.

Well I couldn't say no, he offered.

That was the longest twenty minutes of my life.
Just listening to my music, trying to write on my blog but excitement overcame all thoughts and words to the point were writing was out of the question.
I had to let facebook know though.

It felt as if I was moving in slow motion.
My phone rings once more. I get up off the floor. I stand and run with the excitement of a five year old. I sprint accross the endless basement and the everlasting stairs. I see the closed door. Before I know it I am outside in the blizzard only to see my father's car in the drive way. He hands my treasure over to me. I thank him and kiss him on the cheek. My fingers are fumbling over the creesed envelope. It is open. I pull the paper out.
I have my letter. In front of me.
Waiting to be read.

One page.
Four weeks of waiting, 
and he only bothers to write one page.

But it one of the sweetest letters I have gotten from my Elder. It may not be the longest one, but it is filled with true intent.

The Highlights:

"I am definately going to be weird when I come back, no doubt, but that is because I am a disciple of Jesus Christ."
Well, at least he can face the fact that he is going to be a weirdy. But with a good cause.

"All I want to do is come home and live the Commandments of the Lord for all my life. But I guess I need to be sealed in the temple too HINT HINT"
Ok, Elder. Wait to be subtle about plans when you get home. I'm waiting.

"Guatemala is awesome except for the freaking Spiders!!"
Ha. Ha. And he didn't believe my mother and her spider stories.
You were warned Elder.

"I hope everything is going great in your life! Probably not with all your surgeries but I know you are a tough girl :)"
Yes, he did put a smiley face. 

"I love you. Everything is cool here. LOVE YOU!!!"
Best part of the letter. He still cares.

What. A. Relief.
I know I should want him to be one hundred percent focused.
I am a seventeen year old girl who is in love. 
Give me a break.

I am smiling a real smile this very moment.
The first time in months that I haven't put on an act.
True happiness.
I am giggling.
I am giddy.
I feel joy.
I am almost whole for this moment in time.
I am happy.

This is how I used to be.

When he was here.

Utterly complete and true happiness.

Thank you Heavenly Father, for answering my prayers.