The Awkward Life. It's Normal.

On a scale of one to awkward,

how weird was my day?

AWWKKWAAARRDDDD.

Lets start from the beginning, shall we?

My alarm didn't go off.

I woke up late.

That's always a great way to start of the day.

I rushed to practice my fitness routine.

For the pageant.

Someone shoot me now.

I was late.

My teacher was mad.

I had to leave early.

She wasn't pleased.

With a slicked ponytail and the awkwardest of polos

I headed off to the parade.

I don't quite know why...

But I shut off when I'm around my council.

I don't know what to say.

How to act.

What's right and what's wrong.

I just become very quiet.

It's an issue.

The parade was hot.

Very hot.

We chanted and threw bouncy balls at little children's heads.

I would say it was a definite success.

At the end of the parade, I jumped off our little trailor.

Slowly, I drug my feet along the blackened concrete.

I lifted my head towards the warm sky,

and smiled.

As my eyes shifted downward, there they were.

Walking in their red uniforms, hair in a bow.

Before I could even think,

My legs took off into a sprint.

I took out the red head.

She didn't even see me coming.

The tackling and hugs began.

My three cheerleaders.

I pulled away and looked at my life.

There stood my bestestestest friends.

In their cheer uniforms, with the personae of a champions.

I looked down and saw my charchoal polo hanging loosely.

For a split second,

I wished things were diferent

I wished I wasn't an SBO.

I wished they weren't cheerleaders.

In that moment I would have given my liver and kidney

to go back to how things used to be.

Dance Company.

Our sisterhood.

We were one.

No difference.

But as I snapped back to reality I realized that those thoughts were silly.

If things never changed, 

how would we ever grow?

So I put on a smile for them and told them how my summer had been.

I hugged each of them.

And stood there as they walked away in their little skirts.

It was hard.

It was really hard.

I walked back to our little trailer and didn't say a word the whole drive back.

I gave two of my favorite council members rides home.

The entire time holding back tears.

Some news was dropped on my head like a bomb.

I was crushed.

All I wanted to do was sleep.

I walked in my door and hugged my mother.

In that moment,

the tears released.

I let all the pain out.

The lonliness.

The saddness.

Everything.

Once I was done with my little episode,

I crawled onto my couch.

And passed out for the next 6 hours.

Didn't I tell you sleep is my cure to depression?

Ya, I was out for the count.

I woke up.

Took a shower.

I had to clean all my emotions off.

Got decently ready,

and headed off to be with my cheerleaders.

I needed them.

I needed reassurance that we really would be best friends forever.

And we had fun.

I could tell they were distant... 

But that's okay.

I was too.

We went to the car show.

The carnival.

We had a barbeque.

Then the fireworks.

And let me tell you,

Everyone and their dog was there.

And this is where the awkwardness roles into play.

I saw all my seniors.

My heart leaped every time I saw one of their smiling faces.

I saw my sophomores.

Now that put a smile on my face.

My asian.

My best friend.

It was great.

They made lots of jokes.

I laughed and shook it off.

Awkward moment number one.

I take it back.

I hate sophomores.

Their immaturity astounds me.

Then I saw the boy that created quite a mess in my life.

I tried to act natural.

My usual smilely self.

But someitmes...

Things just naturally get awkward.

And jokes are made.
There is that oh so awkward I eye contact.
Then...
 The two of us just busted up laughing.
Because we are close.
And what happened isn't a secret.
So we walked halfway to my car.
Came up with an awkward handshake.

Talking to another friends I turn the corner and my life honestly froze.
For a split second all I could hear was my fluttering heart.
I didn't know whether to run.
Or whether to go up and talk to them.
So instead I just stood there as awkwardly as possible.
Typical.
The four of us.
She loved him.
They were best friends.
He kissed me.
That boy was my crush.
They were close
Now.
We don't talk.
They like each other.
We're close friends.
They don't talk.
There still kind of friends.
And everything has switched.
And we all know it.
So here we are.
All trying to act normal when inside we are literally having a heart attack.
I tried to stay calm.
Smile as much as I could.
And a little too soon,
I said goodbye.
Hyperventilating a little bit,
I turned the corner.

And I took off into a sprint.
Across the entire school and the parking lot.
I had to get my stress out some way.
Once I reached the seminary building I fell to the ground.
I cried for a bit.
What a mess I had made of my life.
Seriously.

I proceeded to drive home,
blasting T-Swift.

My life.
So awkward.
But you know what?
It's definitely interesting...
And I think I can live with that.

Summer Nights Have All The Answers.

My life feels like a puzzle.

For the longest time it felt as though it was broken.

Crumbled.

Every piece of myself was alone

 and some were lost.

Other bits were damaged.

Some could to be used.

But others were destroyed to the point where they could never fit properly again.

Day by day,

minute by minute,

the little pieces are coming together.

Today was one of those days.

It was a day were I officially became Historian.

Dear Victoria is in my possession.

The laptop is now mine.

My hard work is about to begin.

And I can't even wait.

A day where I went to a certain meeting.

A meeting with my new council.

We went over rules and got our little handbook.

I have never been so blessed.

As I sat there,

in my advisor's humble home,

the pieces fit.

I looked around at my new family and my heart filled with love.

Over flowing.

I have lost a few close friends,

and the tears still come at night when I think of them not returning to Dance Company.

But,

the big man upstairs knows what he is doing.

He knows this is what I need.

And what's right for me.

So I shall listen for his guidance.

He loves me.

He will help me.

And this is one of the greatest blessings I have ever received.

It was a day where I could feel the warm wind whip across my sunburnt face

and lash my hair over my face.

I was taught of very special version of baseball by a very special boy.

We played for several hours.

I was awful.

Zero hand-I coordination, right here.

Luckily, he helped me.

He actually did everything.

He makes me...

Giddy.

Really.

I wasn't expecting it.

I wasn't expecting my heart to pound when he said my name.

My tummy to fill with butterflies when he looked at me in the eyes.

I still don't understand it.

I guess we'll see.

It was a simple day where a snow cone fixed all my problems.

Another piece fell into place.

I was comfortable with silence.

Conversation was easy.

The wind softly touched my cheeks and sparked a smile.

I looked up to the big blue sky.

I took a deep breath in and realized how absolutely beautiful my life was.

It was imperfect.

It has holes.

It's torn and sometimes feels like it is impossible to go on.

But in the end when you really step back and look at the big picture you understand that 

you are you.

I am me.

I giggle a little too much.

I don't always say the right thing and most of the time I make a fool out of myself.

I was able to forget about that one boy that knows exactly how to hurt me.

How to crush me.

Because he is wrong.

In that moment as I grinned and giggled at the sun,

I realized that my little flaws make me who I am.

I accepted that fact.

A piece fell into place.

And I understood the fact that no matter what,

I'm going to be okay.

It was a beautiful summer day where riding a tandem was the perfect treat.

Laughing with one of your favorite people.

Trying to crash.

Taking awkward pictures.

Riding down massive hills.

Pedaling until my legs almost gave up.

It was perfect.

It was a day where a secret was shared.

Where I was shocked.

And I loved it.

It showed that they aren't all the same.

It was a night filled with randomness.

The idea came across my mind to order 50 chicken nuggets.

I have always wanted to.

And this was the perfect opportunity.

We went to the football field of my greatest rival to enjoy our meal.

We ran across the field.

Played on old football equipment.

Talked in a circle.

I looked up once more to the dazzling stars.

I wondered if Elder was looking at them at the exact same moment.

I thought how special that might be.

So I took in that moment.

I completely lived in it.

My tattered and worn down heart felt completely healed.

As if the wound was never there.

It was a moment where everything was perfect.

And then that moment ended.

Instead of sulking,

I looked around at the loving facing surrounding me.

And I laughed.

My life is amazing.

Why would I sulk?

It's silly to waist such an incredible night.

So I didn't.

And lets just say,

I feel spoiled.

In every aspect.

And the pieces are beginning to fit.

Every last one of them.

I love my life.

Please.

Tell me some exciting summer adventures. :)

Time To Bring Out My Inner Child.

So I redesigned the blog.

And it looks like a five year old's bedroom.

Perfect.

Just what the doctor ordered.

I don't want to grow up.

No more black and white.

BLAAHHHH.

I want to be little again.

I want to be so unbelievably immature.

Without a care in the world.

So.

My blog now looks like I'm kindergartener rading the internet.

And I love it.

Can't I Just Get Over It?

Isn't it weird?

How you live in the now and eight months ago feels like a dream?

Eight months ago seemed like a fairy tale of blissful happiness that seems 

completely unattainable now.

It was a completely different life.

I almost don't even recognize it now.

A life where I was little sixteen year old and everything was so new.

A life where I found a boy full of the Spirit.

A very special boy.

One who had no idea, but he made me fall.

Hard. 

He caught a broken girl with way too many flaws and imperfections.

A girl who messed up time after time.

A girl who wanted to love.

Ready to give.

Ready to share.

But a girl with a sheltered heart.

Who put on a mask of a smile and an obnoxious laugh,

but a girl who had put up walls due to reckless boys that caused her heart to crack.

Without her knowledge,

He came into her life suddenly.

And in the blink of an eye, this girl and boy became best friends.

She spent time with him.

He understood her.

Even when she started making all her animal noises,

he would chuckle with her giggles and hopelessly role his eyes.

Then he would grab her face,

stare into her hard gray eyes and say with a smile,

"If you make that dang dinosaur noise one more time, I am going to make you wish you were dead."

The girl could barely keep herself from laughing, and managed a small imitation of dear Little Foot.

He slightly shook his head.

BOOM!

Tackle.

Tickle.

Scream.

Kisses.

(Another small dinosaur roar)

And the cycle began all over.

He brought out the best in her.

He calmed her when the craziness of life made her frantic.

He helped her fight her internal battles of being a teenage girl.

His shoulder was always there to cry on.

And while she cried, he would sing happy songs and fussle with her hair.

He would crack a stupid joke and laughed at himself when the girl was too depressed to respond.

He would do anything for her.

And she for him.

It was a completely different realm where this girl was completely content.

Every moment was filled with a smile and nothing could bring her down.

High school was a drag because he was done with that phase of life.

She had no need to waste her time with the little people of the school because all she ever wanted to do was spend every free moment with him.

Thats all.

And she had never been so happy.

It was a time where a simple text meant, go to the Special Spot.

A time when they could lay in the middle of the freezing road.

Stare at the stars.

He didn't say much.

And neither did she.

Silence was welcomed.

For in those moments,

She could hear the brush of the grass against the cold October pavement.

She could fully grasp the comfort of the warmth as his arms tightly wound around her.

She could hear his breathe and wrap her mind in the rhythm of the sound.
Breathe in.

Breathe out.

It was that simple.

That easy.

Not a care took her mind as she laid on that street wrapped in the arms of her first love.
She would begin to shiver.
Her jaw would chatter.
With a simple ease of a swing,
She would be cradled in his sculpted arms and plopped into the back of his car.
And there is where they would talk.
And laugh.
And argue.
And fight.
And scream.
And cry.
And kiss.
Yes, they would kiss.
He stole her heart.
Completely.
There was no turning back.
He was everything she ever wanted.
All she wanted.

I think back to how effortless it was.

With him.

And tears begin to sting my eyes.

No matter how hard I try,

He is always there.

Always in the back of my mind.

I want him to leave.

Go away.

Let me live.

Let me love and care and fall.

But thats never going to happen.

Not soon any way.

It feels as though it was a dream.
It never happened.
It was never real.

There is no trace of him anywhere.
No facebook.
No pictures.
No emails.
No letters.
Nothing.
He has completely disappeared.
Sometimes I question if I just imagined the whole thing.
If he ever took me on those dates.
If we ever sat in my basement and watched every church movie possible.
If at his farewell, he pulled me onto his lap with his family and loved ones all around and whispered in my ear, telling me that I'm his girl. That I always will be.
If we went to that one concert.
If we made those cookies.
If we got in that big fight.
If he had to pull over because his hands were shaking with rage.
If we just looked at each other, then busted up laughing.
If he threw those pebbles at my window.
If he ever told me he loved me.
If he ever cared.
Because now I am not so sure.
It's as though he never existed.
All I have are his letters.
The material proof of letters formed into words that he cared.
Once upon a time I meant something to him.
One time he loved me.
As I care about him.

My heart still hurts.

It's weak.

I try to be strong.

I try to smile and go on with my life as smiley as possible.

But in the end,

I am still that broken girl.

With new cracks.

With new breaking points and new scars.

I miss him.

I still cry.

He is still my everything.

It kills me to admit it.

But he is.

Just Love Life. Please, For Me.

Right Around The Corner.

If a June night could talk, it would probably boast it invented romance.  
Bern Williams

The summer night is like a perfection of thought.
Wallace Stevens



Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass on a summer day listening to the murmur of water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is hardly a waste of time. 
John Lubbock


Summer afternoon - summer afternoon; to me those have always been the two most beautiful words in the English language.
Henry James

Summer. Summer. Summer.

I can smell it.

Taste it.

It's in the air.

Make it come fast.

FASTER.

Yesterday,

I went to my concert.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

BRUNO.

I THINK I WANT TO MARRY YOU.

get it?

JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.

BECAUSE I WOULD CATCH A GRENADE FOR YOU.

Best. Night. Ever.

Here are some pictures.

This was my date.

What a winner.

The night was amazing.

Amazing.

Like...

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I'm speechless.

Fantastic.

Today felt like

SUMMMMMEEEEEERRRRRR.

I didn't go to first period.

Because that is completely over-rated.

During second, things got better.

I thought I had a much over due fine..

But.

I don't.

So.

I get my yearbook!

During precalc,

I left.

And I went into the hall to see my Crush.

We were given a dare.

It might happen in the summer.

Maybe.

Hopefully.

What?

Then I jumped into my best friend's car.

Good ol' Billy Jean.

We went to Cafe Rio.

I ate a WHOLE burrito by myself.

Pure heaven.

I went back to the school to discuss grades with my teachers.

We duct-taped a girl to the lockers instead of going to fourth period.

I giggled.

A lot.

Then we went swimming.

Kind of.

Then we made cookies.

Then a sophomore serenaded me on a piano.

I sat and listened.

I thought about how good life is.

I was in my swimming suit and cover up.

Laying on the couch.

There was no worry of homework or a test coming up.

I have a very special boy in my life.

The one that gives me butterflies.

Summer is right around the corner.

I go to Lake Powell next week.

Grades are done.

Finished.

I survived my junior year.

No more stress for the next three months.

I have the bestest friends in the world.

My little red-headed sister.

My soul sister.

My Romeo.

My favorite sophomore.

My almost-step-sister/cousin.

I am so blessed.

I love my life.

Plus I got to wear a skirt today.

SUMMMMEEERRR.

I love you.

Time To Move On And Invite The Summer.

Tonight is the night I have been waiting for.

Tonight I will see one of my musical icons in person.

And he shall sing for me.

I will sing back.

And we will have a moment.

A boy will be next to me.

One that makes me happier than anyone else.

I hope we dance.

I know I will.

This is his first concert.

I hope it will be special for him.

Because I know it will be for me.

The concert is being at the UCCU center.

I found this out on Friday.

And I almost canceled this little party.

I went up to my room.

I hyperventilated a bit.

After a nap and some craisins,

I pulled myself together.

The last time I entered that center, I went to a concert.

An amazing one in fact.

BOB, Iyaz, and Jason Derulo.

All in one.

I do not enjoy music like that,

but Elder did.

And he wanted me to go with him.

So I went.

And well,

you know how that went.

That was our first date.

Our first connection.

And serendipitously, tonight I shall be sitting one row lower in the same section.

Yes.

Almost to exact same seats.

Elder has been on my mind A LOT lately.

And it's been hard.

Really hard.

Utah County has decided to turn into Seattle.

Rain. Rain. Rain.

Memories. Memories. Memories.

Not to mention,

I am falling for another boy.

Quite fast, and quite hard.

Despite my little cracks and broken heart,

I have let myself trust.

Have faith.

But I can't help but have Elder constantly there in the back of my head.

I know its over.

But all those emotions and feeling I have been trying to repress are opening up again.

But for someone else.

It is terrifying.

I can't get Elder out.

I know he has forgotten about me.

Why can't I forget about him?

And just move on?

Ugh.

I hate love.

I love love.

Summer will help.

No more school, no more stress.

I will just be free.

Completely free.

Summer is the time when girls go barefoot, 

and their hearts are just as free as their toes.

I am not going to hold back.

I know I will have regrets if I do.

I won't let thoughts of Elder drag me down.

I am going have faith.

I love the Notebook.

It makes me smile.

It makes me cry.

Here is a quote I have altered. 

I believe it fits my life.

Enjoy.

My Dearest Elder. 

I couldn't sleep last night because I know that it's over between us. I'm not bitter anymore, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I'll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given me. That's what I hope to give to you forever. 
I love you. I'll be seeing you. Love, Linsey. 

Please Start Now. Yes, I Would Like That.

Ah-ha moments.

Priceless.

Do you ever have those moments when all the pieces fit?

Where every thought clicks?

And makes perfect sense?

I had a few of those on Saturday.

Maybe more than a few.

It started out with a service project.

Picking up the trash in American Fork.

My dear group had the joyful task of walking from In-N-Out to Cold Stone.

I brought a friend.

*Place giggle here*

I was told I was completely useless because it was impossible to stay concentrated.

Hm.

I don't understand what they are talking about.

I adore these girls.

I'm a total loser for not getting a picture with my friend.

Ugh.

I spent the rest of the day with my soul sister.

It in insane how you can be the exact opposite of a person,

but at the same,

you find your other half.

She's the artistic one.

Writing, photography, art,

the whole shibang.

I'm the logical one.

I like numbers and patterns.

Consistency.

Symmetry.

OCD.

Being best friends is having one soul in two bodies.

I found my other half.

We maybe so different,

but we are givers.

We will give EVERYTHING to those we care about.

Do anything for them.

Listen to their joys and rejoice with them.

Discuss little details and over analyze every portion as girls love to do.

Listen to stories of heartbreak and comfort,

even when we are dying inside.

Serve the ones we love in every way possible.

I always knew I did this.

But never have I met someone willing to open up to me,

as she has.

The more we talked, the more we began to realize we both made SBO for many reasons.

One of the top reasons?

To become soul sisters.

And we are.

And I love her.

I am so blessed to have this young lassie in my life.

We went to yard sales.

Went grocery shopping.

We played with kitties and puppies.

See for yourself.

Look at my little Simba.

What a gem.

The old and new council member had a little party.

I was abnormally quiet.

I still feel like the odd girl out.

Soon, my odd ways will be accepted and I will have a family with my council.

But for now...

I'm scared.

I'm scared I won't fit it.

That I will be looked at as this random child on council,

that doesn't really belong.

I know once my council sees the true me,

they will welcome me with open arms.

But I am in transition right now.

With friends,

with myself.

I am changing.

And I know it.

Love it, to be precise.

Ah-ha.

I spent half my night with my SBO ladies.

And that is when things clicked.

I looked around, and I felt loved.

And cared for.

When it comes to a Blue,

such as myself,

there is not a greater feeling.

I can already tell,

we are going to be so so close.

I can't wait.

  

Dear StuCo,

I would really appreciate it if you would start now.

I would love to have a family.

My dream is to walk up to all the members and each of them to smile and accept me.

That would be nice.

You are a major blessing in my life, and as I count my many,

I do not want you to go waste.

I want to start now.

This very moment.

I love you.

With all my heart.

Thank you.

For everything.

Please make my senior year the best one ever.

I would really like that.

With all my heart,

Linsey.

Understanding The Change.

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.

If you are going to go through hell, keep going.

Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.

Everyone has his day and some days last longer than others.

Winston Churchill

What a fantastic man.

The more my life goes on,

the more I am seeing things for what they truly are.

I am growing.

And that's the point of life.

Right?

Ask me a month ago,

And I would say that my life was falling to pieces.

I was losing my best friends.

I lost my Elder.

Everything I held onto so dear and grasping, planning on never letting go,

Well,

They slowly faded away.

Still are.

I thought my life was over.

That I would never fit in anywhere else.

But that's the funny thing about life.

When one door closes,

You break down a window.

 You run for SBO.

And shock yourself when you actually make it.

You pushed down your guarded walls,

and make new friends 

that you begin to wonder how you ever lived without them.

You find yourself.

Truly.

You begin to discover little abilities that have been covered up by

self doubt and fear of others judging.

You change.

That step through the broken window and refiner glass shapes you.

All within a month.

I view things differently.

I walk down the hall and notice people.

I have an unyielding want to help.

I want,

wait scratch that,

NEED to make a change.

And the Lord has presented me with the perfect opportunity.

I am in love with my life.

Every imperfection,

every hardship.

Weird. I know.

But I feel my Savior's love and 

I know that even in my weakest moments I am getting stronger.

There is divine beauty in that.

I love the moments of complete laughter and embarrassment.

Because they make one heck of a story.

Some of them are definitely golden for the grandchildren.

I'm just... Grateful.

For everything.

I love everyone.

And you.

Especially you.

Things are changing.

So am I.

And I could not feel better.

An Eventful Weekend.

Within the last 48 hours

I have never learned so much about myself.

Honestly.

My limits.

My strengths.

My weaknesses.

The things that make me truly happy.

Experiences that makes me weep.

True love being reunited.

Friendships on the fritz.

Late nights and deep secrets.

Man.

My life.

Someone help me.

It all started Thursday night.

My best friend slash newly made cheerleader

slept over at my house.

As we laid in my bed,

we talked 

and talked

and talked.

Until 2 am.

Don't forget I had to be at the school by 6:45 for SBO training.

We discussed our senior year and the changes that are coming.

I asked her how she felt.

Her answer stated

that she felt like I was giving up on her.

On our friendship.

That I am not going to fight for things to stay the same.

That shocked me.

I know it is something worth fighting for,

but when life gets started and things get crazy,

I just thought growing apart was inevitable.

Maybe I am crazy.

She says I am.

It doesn't have to be that way.

And I agree.

My mind took on a new look on this whole deal.

It will all be okay.

No matter what.

That night was our last concert.

The last time American Fork Dance Company 2010-2011

would ever dance together.

The last time with my seniors.

The last time with my best friends.

It was a very emotional night.

It started with a devotional

and the most beautiful speech by our one and only manager,

Benjamin Wright.

He his words made us weep.

So powerful.

He then sang us a song about family and love.

And how a team is one.

I lost it.

I bawled, 

Hysterically.

My make up was horribly ruined.

Which is fine.

I didn't really care.

I just wanted to give the show of our lives.

And we did.

Let me tell you.

That concert was amazing.

Perfect.

Every dance had passion.

We danced not as individuals,

but as a team.

We did it for each other.

The crowd was amazing.

The feeling of getting on that stage and performing a piece that you have put

blood, sweat, and tears into,

dancing with your best friends,

and expressing yourself in an artistic out-of-body way,

it is beyond words.

It is a whole new world of expressing emotions.

Ideas.

Inner most thoughts.

It is incredible.

Afterward, the entire company went to Pizza Factory.

What a treat.

I have never belly-gut laugh more in my life.

Our manager might be the funniest person alive.

I devoured food and loved every second of it.

At one point in the evening,

I received a phone call.

I excused myself from the table and ran outside.

Answering the phone, I was shocked to hear the voice that spoke my name.

My best friend.

The one person that has made the biggest influence on my life.

I cannot believe I have not mentioned him on this blog before because

he is the reason I am who I am today.

I had not talked to him in 5 months.

He had disappeared from my life entirely.

We got to the point where we knew each other too well,

we would try to tick each other off,

and just fought.

All. The. Time.

But here he was.

On the phone, ready to talk.

I about died.

Tears began to flow from my eyes.

I had missed him so much.

I smile cheek to cheek as a waterfall came crashing over it.

We talked for a bit.

He cracked some old time jokes,

and I laughed.

It was just comforting to hear his voice and that he was doing well.

I returned back to the table with my food ready to eat.
I indulged myself.

Afterward a few of the ladies had a night of
slumber and hot tubbing.
Secrets were shared
and stories of first kisses were told.

Saturday morning was spent at Kneaders
with my SBO soul sister.
We discussed boys and love.
Let me tell you.
She is one insightful little lassie.
I have been contemplating between two amazing men.
I had no idea.
So she gave me a bit of advice.
Flip a coin.
My response is the same as yours right now.
Why would you base your future on probability?
But there is a catch.
As soon as you flip the coin,
a name will pop into your head.
The name of who you hope it will land on.
And that is the boy you really want to be with.
So I did it.
And it worked.
I will let you know how that plays out.
After leaving, we had a very dramatic experience.
She was in tears.
I was her comforter.
My problem is,
I take on other peoples emotions as my own.
When I reached my home,
my body was shaken and my thoughts were unclear.

The rest of the night was spent cleaning,
and baking,
and singing.
I love nights at home.
They are just very comforting.

Today,
I went and saw my old best friend.
We cried.
I feel uneasy.
I don't know how to respond to what is happening.
My life is a whirlwind.
It is only going to get crazier.
Help.
My emotions are all tussled.
I don't know how I feel about anything at the current moment.
It will all work out though.
Won't it?

Everything Happens For A Reason.

I trust that everything happens for a reason, even when we're not wise enough to see it.


Every one of us gets through the tough times because somebody is there, standing in the gap to close it for us.


The biggest adventure you can ever take is to live the life of your dreams.


What we're all striving for is authenticity, a spirit-to-spirit connection.


I've learned that you can't have everything and do everything at the same time.

Prayers are answered.

Heavenly works in the most mysterious of ways.

I went to a surprise party.

Not with my usual group of friends,

but the children I aspire to be friends with in the next year.

The soccer players.

The tennis plays.

The student council souls.

I began to shake as I entered the back yard where the partying was being held.

With my red headed little sister by my side,

my feet drug me to the back yard.

All eyes looked at me skeptical.

Quizzically.

Glaring, their eyes practically spoke:

"Why is she here?"

I averted my eyes downward, sulking into the basement of the house,

to find the one true place I belong.

The food table.

Yes, food always makes everything better.

After I indulged myself with veggies and sweets,

I began to collect my thoughts.

"I must fit in. I must. You can do this Linsey. Just be yourself. You can do this."

So the self pep up talk began.

It helped a little.

I went back into the sharp cold air,

and began socializing.

Have I ever mentioned I am one of the most bizarre people to walk to planet?

My life is world of awkward.

But that is what makes it fun right?

As I began to climb out of my little shell,

my true colors shone through.

I was my real, crazy self.

From breaking it down in Just Dance 2,

or creating my own dance moves,

interpretive dancing through the entire basement,

or being twirled around the floor by my newly rekindled friendship,

stuffing my face with cake,

making new friends,

bum wars,

scary movies,

star gazing with my Crush,

long hugs in the cold,

and screaming through the streets,

I was able to see my life for what is truly was.

This is my new path.

The best kids around.

So silly.

So innocent.

Kids that dance around like fouls for the heck of it.

And to be honest?

I haven't been that happy in the longest time.

I could feel the Holy Ghost burning inside me.

Whispering that this was my new route.

These friendships are the ones I must pursue.

I could not be more excited.

I cannot remember a time I have laughed that much.

Rolling on the floor.

A smile that forms that is definitely going to leave line in the future.

But that is what this life is all about?

Moments like these?

I believe so.

I am excited for my newly made Cheerleaders.

They are going to have the time of their lives.

It is their path.

My is completely different.

And that's okay.

It's the way Heavenly Father wants it,

so it must be right.

And I am not going to doubt it.

I am going to smile.

Embrace the change.

Because, if my senior year is like tonight,

my life is going to be incredible.

Best. Year. Ever.

I cannot wait.

I am so happy.

Truly happy.

My life is never to go be the same,

but hey,

I think it is only going to get better.

I know it is.

Sometimes people come into your life and 

you know right away that they were meant to be there.

To serve some sort of purpose, 

teach you a lesson 

or help figure out who you are or who you want to become.

You never know who these people may be but,

 when you lock eyes with them, 

you know that every moment they will affect your life in some profound way.

And sometimes things happen to you at the time that may seem horrible,

 painful and unfair but, 

upon reflection, 

you realize that without overcoming those obstacles 

you would have never realized your potential, strength, will power or heart.

Everything happens for a reason. 

Nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck.

 Illness, Injury, love, 

lost moments of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul.

Without these small tests,

 life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere. 

Safe and comfortable

 but dull and utterly pointless.

The people you meet affect your life. 

The successes and downfalls that you experience can create who you are, 

and the bad experiences can be learned from. 

In fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones.

If someone hurts you, 

betrays you or breaks your heart, 

forgive them.

Because they have helped you learn about trust and 

the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart to. 

If someone loves you, love them back, unconditionally,

 not only because they love you,

 but because they are teaching you to love and open your heart and eyes to little things.

Make every day count.

 Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can, 

for you may never be able to experience it again. 

Talk to people whom you have never talked to before,

and actually listen. 

Let yourself fall in love, 

break free and set your sights high.

Hold your head up because you have every right to.

Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, 

for if you don’t believe in yourself, 

no one else will believe in you.

You can make anything you wish of your life. 

Create your own life and then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets.

And if you love someone tell them, you never know what tomorrow may have in store.

Learn a lesson in life each day that you live.

 Today is the tomorrow you were worried about yesterday. 

Was it worth it?