Thursday, March 31, 2011

Hero. Hero. I love you so.

I am on a childhood rant.
So I got a few quotes from my childhood hero.
Of all time.
Winnie the Pooh

If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus 1 day, so I never have to live without you.

If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. but the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. I'll always be with you.


You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.

     When late morning rolls around and you're feeling a bit out of sorts, don't worry; 
      you're probably just a little eleven o'clockish.

     "I don't see much sense in that," said Rabbit.
     "No," said Pooh humbly, "there isn't. But there was going to be when I began it.

     It's just that something happened to it along the way."

I am a Bear of Very Little Brain, and long words bother me.

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh," he whispered.
"Yes, Piglet?" 
"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw, "I just wanted to be sure of you."

These Are The Days I Live For.

March, a glorious month.
It is a time when snow begins to melt and spring takes over.
Happiness is sprung from the most random places.
Like today.
These are the days I love.

It started out fantastic.
My dear mother let me sleep in until 7:30.
That alone made this day fantastic.
I arrived at school 8:50,
to attend a very interesting field trip.
The rebellious half of Dance Company decided to sluff a day of school,
and travel to Salt Lake to watch a very unique modern concert.
Man, it was awful.
I hate modern.
That is not real dancing.
Nope nope.
But spending the day with my girls was fantastic.


My sisters.
The best girls around.
We are so absurd together.
The topics of our conversations are completely odd and sometimes inappropriate for other individuals to hear.
 Another great plus about this field trip??
I got to dress up today.
This doesn't happen.
Ever.
Usually, I just throw on a hoodie and my favorite pair of jeans.
Or the worn out sweats.
I like being comfy, sue me.
 But today, I wore my special heels.
My favorite all time favorite shoes.
They kind of make me happy.
And I never get wear them.
So it was a good day.


Fashonista.
Werk.

Once we got back, I spent my lunch discussing SBO campaigns and soccer players.

Then Dance Company.
We worked.
And worked.
And worked.
The best part?
We decided to take a couple laps around the track.
We thought it would help us to get in better shape.
After running half a lap, we started a brisk walk.
Out of shape. Pathetic.
That is when we noticed the self-named
High Jump Squishy Mat.
We spent time creating a synchronized diving routine.
We practiced our flips.
We acted like dolphins.
I cannot remember a time I laughed that hard.
Man, my friends are idiots.
That is why I love them.


But at 3:00, I had to leave.
To travel to the worst of worst places.
My nightmare.
I began to shake as I ventured to this torture chamber.
As soon as I opened the doors,
I heard the ear piercing screams of a drill sculpting its way into the human bone.
You guessed it.
THE DENTIST.
Ever since I was a little girl,
I cry and shake and scream at the thought of laying in one of those chairs.
Nothing has changed.


I survived.
No injuries.
No cavities.
These pearly whites are staying clean.

I then decided to attended the JV baseball game.
After I few moments of watching the game,
I got a little restless.
Really restless actually.
So I traveled to the near-by hill with my boyfriend.
We have been close for almost two years.
He is four.
When I am with him, my maturity level drops to his equivalent.
Maybe even lower.
We spent the next hour,
rolling down the hill,
tickling each other,
hunting like dinosaurs,
sharing kisses,
making up a sweet handshake,
soaking up the sun,
fighting dragons,
only to end with an adventure to the big mountain that we had to blow up to save the world.
But our amazing escape only came to pass because of our undying love for one another.
Oh, to be young.
Where the only trouble you encounter is the dragons coming to attack you.
Your only stress is somebody took your marker.
I could not think of a better way to spend my afternoon.




He was attacking my camera.
Still in dinosaur mode.
He is so cute.
Heartbreaker, right here.
I have finally found a boy, 
that accepts me for myself and my own maturity level.

After I left the field,
I rolled down my windows with the sun shining onto my face.
I put on my sunglasses and blasted my favorite JB and T-Swift melodies.
I cannot even express my happiness at that moment.
Spring is here.
The sun is shining.
Life is good.
Life is grand.
These are the days I live for.


I need to go swing hunting.
The search for the best swing in American Fork is about to begin.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Endurance.

Today in Seminary,
Our lesson was on 
How To Cope When You Are Having A Bad Day.
Isn't it crazy that Heavenly Father knows exactly what you need?
And he blesses you with understanding?
It's outstanding.
I love my Heavenly Father very very much.
We were shown this video:


My poor Seminary class.
I bawled.
Hopelessly.
Through out this entire thing.
It is so inspirational.

My favorite lines:

"I pray, I get answers, and I do it."

"To me, beauty and motherhood are one."

 "There are moments in my life when my spirits taps my heart 
to remind me just why I mortally exist."

My dear bloggers and friends,
Please listen for the moments when your spirit taps your heart.
When the holy ghost whispers in that still small voice.
When you grow.
When you are strengthened.
When your testimony is strengthened.

Doctrine and Covenants 121

7 My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;

8 And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.

Endurance.
That is the word we must focus on.
The scriptures never say we can't be upset.
That we can't be frustrated.
That we can't cry.
All it says is that we must endure with faith.
We must endure with the Savior by our side.

45 Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul as the dews from heaven.
 

Well, This Is As Good As It Gets.

Alright bloggers, listen up.
Update right here.

I talked to my Crush again today.
Honestly, something is wrong me.
I need to take How-To-Talk-To-Boys 101.
Pronto.
Sign me up.
Because if I can get better at this whole communication thing,
maybe he won't think I am such freak?
As he approached, 
I got butterflies and the result was a massive smile that took over my face.
I exclaimed a "Hello" followed with an "How are you?"
He replied that he was good.

Silence.

In utter panic, I began to rack my brain with a conversation starter.
Could I think of anything?
Of course not.
I was under pressure, give me a break.
All I could think of was,
"Say something you idiot, before he walks away!!"
He was one step ahead of me.

"So... Soccer is good."

I, internally, started cracking up.
It was quite the conversation starter.
I'm not going to sugar coat anything,
You can actually feel the nervousness in the air.
We will get over it eventually right?

We then discussed the soccer schedule for the next week and
my attendance to all the games.
Then he asked if he should come to my Dance Company concert
that is coming up in the next month.
I replied that I would love that.
Secretly?
That makes me nervous.
But happy.
Woo.
Good good stuff.
After he left, I throw off my packback
and ran through the halls.
It was kind of exciting.

On another note:
No news from Elder.
It has been a month.
I get his family and friends email every week,
but no letter.
Another realization.
I have been going through the 5 Stages of Grief.
Right now, I am numb.
I try not to think about him.
I don't blog about him.
That time seems like a whole different life.
A completely different realm.
I have shut it out.
My mind is occupied with other things.
Other boys. :)
But deep down?
The pain is still there.
4 1/2 months.
I miss you Elder.
Please write me.
As soon as possible,
Or else.

California in 9 days.
Sunshine here I come.
Disneyland, Linsey Brown is coming your way.

I am running for SBO.
VOTE FOR ME!

Swinging Free.


 

Today, I had a daydream.
I just imagined running through the bright green grass.
The smell of fresh sunflowers and lilies brush my nose.
I jump on to a swinging mass of plastic and 
I start with a little push.
Before I know it, I am soaring.
That's is the amazing thing about swings,
You defy gravity.
For a single moment,
You overcome the constant force of gravity,
And you fly.
I want to go swing on a swing.
Now.
I want to feel the sunshine on my face.
I want the smell of spring to overcome me.
I want to be surrounded by bright green grass and gleaming sunflowers.
Spring.
Please come.
Really, come.
I love you very much.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

A Tribute To My Boys.

I love missionaries.
Oh so very much.
I miss all my dear friends.
I want to cry thinking about my life with out them.
For two years.
Here is a tribute to a few of my favorites:

 Elder Cooper. 
One of my very best friends my sophomore year. 
Actually one of my lovers.
A total babe.
This was our last date together.
It makes me want to cry just looking at it.
He is currently serving in Japan.
He has been gone 8 months.


Elder Blackhurst.
One of my brother's best friend.
Ever since I was little, I thought we was the neatest kid.
I love him dearly.
Goooood times in Seminary last year.
Plus his dad is my dentist.
Family ties baby.
He is serving in Brazil and has been gone 8 months.


Elder Walker.
I love this boy with all my heart.
When Elder and my brother left me,
Elder Walker was the one to hold me up and 
keep that missionary spirit with me.
He is amazing.
This dashing young lad is serving in Sacramento, California.
He has been gone 2 1/2 months.


Classic Kyle.
This is Elder Shennum.
I am so so proud of him and all he has become.
I love this boy dearly.
We became quite close last year.
He is amazing.
Elder Shennum is serving in North Carolina.
He has been gone for 3 1/2 months.


This is Elder Reynolds.
I am surprised I haven't said anything about him on this blog.
He is a HUGE part of my life.
And the reason I am the person I am today.
Mainly, because he was my boy friend of 9 months.
He knows me probably better than I know myself.
I can honestly say I love this boy.
He is my alllll time best friend.
As you can see, Elder Reynolds is serving in the Dallas, Texas mission.
He has been gone almost 4 months.
I miss him. So so so much.


 My dear Elder.
Just cross out the girl next to him. That's his ex-girlfriend.
I could go on and on about this one right here.
He is the one I am waiting for.
He is my everything.
I have never met anyone quite like him.
He brings out the best in me.
I fell in love with him.
Man, this is making memories come rushing back.
I noticed I haven't written anything about my Elder in the longest time.
I have almost become numb.
It's almost like I have shut off that switch,
because it is way to painful to think about.
I still feel like my second half is missing.
Elder Hill is serving in Guatemala City, Gautemala.
I cannot believe he has been gone almost 5 months.
The longest and shortest 5 months of my life.
I miss you Elder Hill.


 The grand finale.
My big brother.
Biggest. Stud. Ever.
I love him.
I miss him.
He is my bestest friend.
A football star.
One of the purest hearts I have ever encountered.
Elder Brown is currently serving in Anaheim, California.
Wow.
6 months exactly today.
Time has flown by.
1/4 of the way done.
WOOT WOOT!

Missionaries are incredible.
The impact that they have had on my life is huge.
Every single one of them have influenced me.
I love them.
I pray for them.
I hope they have all the success in the world.
They are amazing boys.
I am sooo proud of them.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Never Alone.

Yesterday I was given a challenge in Young Womens.
This is what the handout said.

"Tonight, and tomorrow night, you might pray and ponder, asking the questions:
Did God send a message that was just for me?
Did I see his hand in my life?
I will do that.
And then I will find a way to perserve that memory for the day that I, and those that I love,
will need to remember how much God loves us and how much we need him."

I have been blessed.
The Lord answered my prayers.

As I was doing my everyday blog stalking,
I checked out one of my favorite.
The Story of a [Girl]

She had a post about the Young Womens Conference that took place last Saturday.
I was not able to attend because my dear Prom was that night.
I am so upset now that I was not able to be take place in this event.
Miss Kaleigh's testimony and picked out points made me cry.

Little note about Linsey
Any moment that I feel the spirit, I shed a tear.
It is just a reaction.

 
After I read her comments, I did a little searching of my own.
My favorite part of this epic video is when 
President Monson speaks at the end.

He starts out with "My dear young friends." 
I love this.
I have an unyielding love for my prophet.
I love his council.
Hearing him speak true doctrine feels my heart with joy.
I love him.
Very much.
I have a testimony that he is the true prophet of our Heavenly Father.
My favorite part of his little speech is when he says:
"You are the hope of Israel, you are the light on the hill... We love you!"

I have decided that every night this week I will look up a talk that was given 
during this broadcast so I don't miss any message that was meant for me.

While I was looking up videos,
I decided to reread my favorite conference talk.

Your Happily Ever After
By Dieter F. Uchtdorf

"Aren’t those wonderful words to begin a story? “Once upon a time” promises something: a story of adventure and romance, a story of princesses and princes. It may include tales of courage, hope, and everlasting love. In many of these stories, nice overcomes mean and good overcomes evil. But perhaps most of all, I love it when we turn to the last page and our eyes reach the final lines and we see the enchanting words “And they lived happily ever after.”
Isn't that every girls dream? 
To push through this life and only to end up with the love of your life, 
completely filled with happiness for the rest of your existence?


Today I want to draw your attention to something very significant, very extraordinary. On the first page of your Young Women Personal Progress book, you will find these words: “You are a beloved daughter of Heavenly Father, prepared to come to the earth at this particular time for a sacred and glorious purpose.”
Sisters, those words are true! They are not made up in a fairy tale! Isn’t it remarkable to know that our eternal Heavenly Father knows you, hears you, watches over you, and loves you with an infinite love? In fact, His love for you is so great that He has granted you this earthly life as a precious gift of “once upon a time,” complete with your own true story of adventure, trial, and opportunities for greatness, nobility, courage, and love. And, most glorious of all, He offers you a gift beyond price and comprehension. Heavenly Father offers to you the greatest gift of all—eternal life—and the opportunity and infinite blessing of your own “happily ever after.”

It is so exciting to me, 
That if we live as we are supposed to,
we can all have our very own happily ever afters.
I cannot wait.

There are those among you who, although young, have already suffered a full measure of grief and sorrow. My heart is filled with compassion and love for you. How dear you are to the Church. How beloved you are of your Heavenly Father. Though it may seem that you are alone, angels attend you. Though you may feel that no one can understand the depth of your despair, our Savior, Jesus Christ, understands. He suffered more than we can possibly imagine, and He did it for us; He did it for you. You are not alone.

Trials.
We all suffer through them.
Sometimes, we feel as though we are completely alone.
Hopeless.
Defeated.
I have learned, and grown my own testimony,
You are never alone.
Ever.
Our big brother, the Savior Jesus Christ,
is ALWAYS there.
He has walked this path.
Turn to him.
He will carry you.
I know this.
He picked me up in my lowest of lows.
When no one else was there,
He cried with me,
loved me.
Please don't push him away.
He loves you.

Sisters, please embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ! Learn to love your Heavenly Father with all your heart, might, and mind. Fill your souls with virtue, and love goodness. Always strive to bring out the best in yourself and others.

“Stand … in holy places, and be not moved,” regardless of temptations or difficulties. I promise you that future generations will be grateful for you and praise your name for your courage and faithfulness during this crucial time of your life.


Sisters, we love you. We pray for you. Be strong and of good courage. You are truly royal spirit daughters of Almighty God. You are princesses, destined to become queens. Your own wondrous story has already begun. Your “once upon a time” is now.

It is now.
Stay strong.
Heavenly Father loves you.
You are a daughter of a king.
Remember who you are.

Surprises. Surprises.

I have just been told some 
very very very very very very very very very
 exciting news.
My mom just announced a spontaneous trip to 
the happiest place on earth.
DISNEYLAND!!!!!
Best. Vacation. Ever.
I have been to New York.
I have been to Mexico.
Haiti.
Jamaica.
All over the United States.
But nothing is quite like Disneyland.
It is like stepping in to a world of childhood bliss.
Completely magical.
Full of thrills and rides.
Smiles and princess dresses.
Good food and water shows.
Family and pure happiness.
BAHHHHHHHH!
Words cannot even contain my excitement.
So I found this video.
If we could of recorded my initial reaction and
pure excitement that made me sprint around the house,
 this is what it would have looked like.



Yep. I'm pretty pumped.
That doesn't even cover it.
I AM SOOO ECSTATICALLY EXCITED THAT I AM GOING TO EXPLODE
 WITH AN ENTHUSIASTIC EXPLOSION OF PURE HAPPINESS.
That is all.
The also implies going to be beach. 
And Sea World.
And spying on my brother.
Best. Spring. Break. Ever. 
Huzzah! Yahoo! Opa!!


Highlight of the day:
This morning I had to hang up my posters in the for SBO.
I was super stressed and running around like a maniac.
Once I was done, I started to jog off to Seminary so I wouldn't be late.
Then I realized my Crush was in front of me.
My heart stopped.
My stomach dropped.
I slowed done to an easy pace, and I tried to go unnoticed.
That plan didn't work out so well, and I am glad.
I walked with him down the hall.
We just talked about prom, classes, and seminary council.
After I turned the corner to travel to the seminary building,
I practically started skipping to class.
The kid doesn't even know how giddy he makes me.
It is so silly.
And I love it.
I haven't been silly or giddy in the longest time.
I love smiling.
Don't you?

A Night To Remember.

Lets get down to business.
To defeat, the huns.

PROM.
A glorious day.

 The date.
Austin Steadmen.
Or should I say,
A complete stud muffin.
My best friend through out all the junior high years.
One of my closest friends.
He is a total sweetheart.

For our day date, we went rock climbing at The Quarry.
And let me tell you,
rock climbing destroys your body.
After the first climb,
my arms were shaking and I was done.
So I helped my date the majority of the time.

Now my forearms are oh so sore,
but I would have to say the day date was a success.

Then I got ready.
The very very very best part of prom.
Getting dressed up like a princess or a movie star.
You were the dress of your dreams.
You feel so special.
On top of the world.
Well, this was the out come.
 An over all look.
 The hair.
 Could I move in that dress? Nope.
 The back.
 A close up.
Just me.

I love this dress.
With all my heart.

When my date came to pick me up,
That is when I saw our transportation.
Two words:
Hummer. Limo.
Ask me if a scream escaped my throat when I saw it?
It did. 


I felt like a complete movie star.
With the best date around.

Every boy wanted their date to feel the joy and excitement I felt when I first saw the limo.
So, we picked up 
EVERY. GIRL.
Two hours later,
We finally made it to pictures.
Then to dinner.
It was the greatest food.
I stuffed myself.
Have I ever mentioned my love of food?
It's kind of a problem.

Once we rolled back into the limo,
our dates popped out the Martinelli's.
Oh Baby.
How cool did I feel?
Riding in a hummer limo,
with my fantastic date,
music blasting in the background,
partying with my best friends,
drinking sparkling cider?
PRETTY DARN COOL!





My attempts to be rebel. Epic. Fail.

Finally, at 10:15, we made it to the dance.
I saw all my friends in the their beautiful dresses.
Every single one of them looked dazzling.
Best lookin girls I have ever seen.

Here is a little secret about Linsey at dances.
I got nuts.
Absolutely insane.
Why?
Because I can.
With my awkward interpreted dance moves.
I pretty much hit anyone within a five foot radius of me.
It's awesome.

Best part of the dance?
Guess.
At one point, I found my red headed little sister.
She looked so grown up.
I shed a tear.
I went to go dance with her for one song,
this being her first dance ever.
And before I knew it, there was my Crush.
Dancing like a crazy man.
It was awesome.
I felt so cool.
COMPLETELY on top of the world.

At one point I saw Wonderboy and his lovely date.
It was during a slow song,
and I just watched as he serenaded her with his voice of an angel.
They are so in love.
I had to look away.
I felt embarrassed watching such a strong connection take place.
It made me giddy just looking at them.
I am soo happy for the couple.
They both deserve the world.

Finally, the dance came to a close.
We watched a movie at one of the boy' house.
We laughed, and fell asleep.
It was a good calming end to a fantastic night.

Highlights:
The Fantastic Date.
The Food.
The Limo.
The Dress.
The Dance.

Prom.
Such a special night.
I will remember this forever.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Great Friday.

I know it is the sabbath day but please let me recap the events of my weekend.
This post will be my adventure of Friday night.

It was a good day.

Do you ever have the days at school were it is completely pointless to be there?
You watch a movie in every class?
You don't pick up a pencil once?

That was my day.
It was fantastic.
It was the last day of the term.
I earned a 4.0
There was no stress in my life.
I went to Cafe Rio for lunch.
I devoured a whole burrito.
It was delicious.
It was a good Friday.

Once again, 4th period came around.
After school got out, we had a little break from Dance Company.
I walked into the commons to find my dear friend Brette.
Once I spotted her, we had a nice little chat about the remainder of our night.
Suddenly I noticed a person standing to my left.
My Crush had actually approached me.
My face felt as though hot water had washed it clean.
I was as red as a tomato.
I almost died.
Almost.
He just wanted to tell me that his soccer game was a 3:30 instead of 4.
With a bit of small conversation, he left.
Oh my.
When he turned the corner, I collapsed.
My body just flailed on the floor.
I was so happy.

After Dance Co, I went to the soccer game.
It was freezing, but I loved watching our team play their little hearts out.
After the game, I got my nails done for prom.

It was a great Friday.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Get Ready.

Today is a special day.
Oh yes it is.
It is a day full of dates and laughs.
Full of excitement and good food.
Pretty dresses and lots of gleefull dancing.
You guessed it.

PROM.

I am jumping up and down with excitement.
In a couple of hours, me and my best friend,
will spend a magnificent day together.
WOO.
I will let you know how this dear dance goes.
Adios :)

Thursday, March 24, 2011

As The Story Unfolds...

Call me butter because I am on a roll.
Ohhhh ya.

Today, my dear bloggers,
I conquered a fear.
I developed courage.
I forgot my wee insecurities,
and I took life by the horns.
I FEEL SO ALIVE.

You maybe wondering what sort of fantastic event
sparked this sudden feeling of joy and excitement.

After the final bell, ending the school day,
I tried to linger in the hall knowing my Crush
traveled the same path way I do.
He never came.
I sulked to the commons to find my little nest of friends.
I suddenly remembered that I still needed to tackle
my red headed little sister.
As I made my way done the hall,
I saw him.
Standing beside the office.
I just scurried past in utter panic and distress.
Trying to calm myself, I found my dear friend Calea. 
We discussed Chemistry and grades, 
with the sense of panic still strong in the back of my head,
 Calea bid me farewell.
Turning back to the commons, I saw him.
We made eye contact.
A million thoughts ran through my head.
Do I walk away?
Do I smile?
Do I say something?
Do I dare to go over there?
Should I go talk to him?
It was now or never.
I swallowed my fear,
with a hop in my step,
I skipped over to my Crush and his two other friends.
And we had a nice chat.
Never saying anything directly to each other,
but to the group as a whole. 
I was so nervous.
Before he noticed, 
I clasped my hands together so he couldn't see that my little hands were shaking.
Although, at random times,
I would catch him looking at me.
Just staring.
Sometimes I acted like I didn't notice.
Other times, I would turn my attention to him
and smile as radiantly as I could.
Tried to show that inner giddiness on my outside appearance.

Man.... What a guy.
One of the sweetest out there.
The fact that he might be merely interested
makes me want to stand up and do a toe-touch.

I think what sets him apart,
is I have never even considered anyone like him.
Elder and my past little lovers were
the popular,
bad boy,
wild,
crazy,
adventurous,
that were the shiz.
So cool.
And they knew it.

My Crush now is so sweet.
And kind,
loving,
shy,
a gentleman,
sincere,
just the greatest kid.
I am ready for change.
I am sick of dating the bad boys.
I want the absolutely sweetest boy around.
I think I might of found the jack-pot.
Hallelujah.

And for the first time,
my pain cause by Elder's absence,
is calming.
I am happy.
My mommy says she hasn't seen me smile like this for the longest time.
It's a terrific feeling.
I am happy.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Mission Accomplished. A New Journey Has Just Begun.

Hear ye, Hear ye.
Members of this blogging world,
buckle down for the story of the reuniting
of past childhood lovers.
Yes, you guessed it.
Today, I spoke to my dear Crush.

Excuse me for a second,
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
I had to take a sprint around the ol' bedroom.
Its fine.

It started out as any other day.
I went to school, sat through my classes,
took tests, turned in homework.
Boring. Boring. Boring.
Finally, 4th period came around.
Dance Company.
My sanctuary.
My second home.
My family.
As second hour started, 
my group and I ventured to the East Gym.
For the record, dancing vigorously results in major sweating.
As I was dancing my little heart out, 
I notice my red headed little sister at the door way.
She was whispering my name, and motioning for me to join her.
Of course, I began to sprint to build up energy to tackle her.
When my body approached the door way, I saw HIS head pop into the door opening.
My body abruptly turned motionless,
and I heard an ear piercing scream.
It took my a moment to notice the sound was coming from my very own mouth.
Ahhhh, shoot me now.
I threw my hands over my mouth to cover the curdling sound.
Up roaring laughter came from the surrounding group of friends.
I was mortified.
Completely speechless. 
I did not even know what to do with myself.
Finally, the giggles stopped.
Awkward silence.

"So... What are you guys doing here?"

Trying to make eye contact with my Crush,
and trying to keep my stench away from the boy,
I made casual conversation.
Test scores and soccer games.
Little did he know, 
I was screaming and dancing around like a giddy little girl on the inside.
It came time for him to leave our five minute conversation.
I promised him I would go to his soccer game.
And then he left.
Before I could even comprehend what just happened.
I slowly trudged back to my fellow members of Dance Company,
and they looked at me questioningly.
When I knew he was out of hearing range,
Screams began to escape my throat.
Very unique dance moves were created.
I lost ten pounds from the endless sprinting, jumping, flailing.
I am smiling ear to ear just thinking about it.

Yahoo, mission accomplished.
I finally talked to him.
Not exactly how I wanted it to happen,
But at least it happened.

I will keep you posted on further conversations.
I am sure there will be many more to come.
I love life.
And this is just the beginning of this happiness.
I can't wait for this story to unfold.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Loser Of The Year Award Goes To This Girl Right Here.

Man oh man,
I am a stupid girl.
With serious issues.

Today I saw my Crush,
TWO TIMES.
And what did I do?
Hide.
Hide.
Hide.
Aaaand this is how it went down.

One:
Arrived at the school building at six a.m.
For blasted attendance school.
After merely wasting an hour of my life,
I wondered back to the commons to rejuvenate for 
the long stressful day ahead.
Ding. Ding. Ding.
I began to drag my feet as
I tried to venture to the Seminary Building on the other side of school.
In the hall, leaning against the locker,
There he was.
Smiling, laughing, and just, wow.
My heart stopped.
I freaked out.
I jumped into a herd of moving teenagers,
trying to disguise my appearance from this young man.
Slowly I passed.
I believe I went unnoticed.
Check.

Two:
After lunch I was walking to my class with this fine beaut.
Miss Dayne.
My bessst frand.
We have this little pact.
When one of our shoes become mysterious untied,
the other must tie it.
It is a sign of our friendship.
It happens frequently.
We get weird looks.
We love it.
So as she was bent down at my feet tying a my unlaced shoe,
this worst thing possible actually happened.
He walked by with a single glance of disapproval.
Failure.
Utter and complete failure.
You could practically smell it in the air.
Tangible.
So, I sulked a few yards behind him as I ventured to my classroom.
Before I turned into my class, miraculously, something happened,
He turned over his shoulder, saw me stand there,  as I was looking at him ridiculously,
and he gave me an award winning smile.
Huzzah.
I couldn't help but be flattered that he was check if I was still there.
That definitely made the butterflies start up.
Before I could even make sense of my thoughts,
my feet sharply turned into my classroom and
I disappeared from his sight.

Fantastic.
Couldn't I have just smile back?
Waved?
Even said something?
No.
I'm pathetic, and a coward.

One day.
I will have enough courage to march up to him,
smile with all I got,
and show him why we were in love in the first place.

That will be the day.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Quite The Day

Sometimes in life...

You get stressed.
You get caught off guard.
You cry.
You run around the stupid high school.
You beg teachers to help you.
You get a strange random letter that is false.
You fail a Chemistry test.
You get turned down.
You see your Crush in the hall, and jump behind a crowd of people.
You run and run and run.
You talk to some sweet girls.
You miss Dance Company.
You cry some more.
You want to sleep, but know you can't.
You scream.
You turn in your application packet.
You feel relieved.

It was... a bad day. But thats okay.
Because you know what?
Everything got in.
Everything is good.
Life is good.
And I love it.
Very much.

Friday, March 18, 2011

The First Crush.

Quick update.

Dear Blog,

I have a crush.
A deep loving crush.
And this isn't a sudden infatuation.
No.
It is deep, it is sincere.
This young man was my very first kiss.
Ever.
Want to hear a story?


One day at school I was having a really bad day.
I was beaten with homework and other factors of my life were pulling me down.
I was angry and upset with everyone that crossed my path.
Except for him.
When I saw him my whole day was flip around.
Warmth was brought into my life, he was my sun.
After our class together it was lunch time.
He walked by my side as we ventured to the lunch room. 
We sat down to eat our lunches and our hands accidentally touched as we were unloading our meals.
Butterflies. Swarms and swarms, filling my little stomach.
I liked him so much. 
Just looking at him made me a giddy little piglet.
We walked outside and sat on the curb. 
We just sat looking at the blue sky watching the formation of clouds.
I slowly turned my attention to my little lover.
He grabbed me by the hand and led me to the wood chips beneath the slide.
As we stood under the twisting mass of plastic,
I stood with my hands on my hips, questioning the situation.
He softly tilted his head, and slowly pressing his lips on mine.
I blushed harder than was physically possible.
I was 6 years old.
My pink dress blew in the wind as I realized my unyeilding love for this dashing young man.
With a lunchbox on one hand and his hand laced with mine,
we skipped back to our simple little lives. 

Oh, young love.
So profound.
So innocent.
Guess what happened from there?
We spent the rest of Kindergarten in love.
Completely obsessed with one another's company.
I remember sitting at his kitchen table and eating smarties.
I remember learning how to draw stars with him.
I remember the days of kissing tag.
What fine days those were.

Then the dreadful news came.
I was moving.
Which meant I was forced to enroll at a new school.
The heartbreak.
The agony.
The sorrow.
Yes, our divine relationship had come to a close.

Lets skip a head a bit.

Elementary passed.
Slowly, but it passed.
Going into Junior High, I had expectations that me and
(his blogging identity shall be)
Crush would be reunited.
It was a little more complicated.
We had different friends.
We didn't see each other much.
I became terrified that the boy didn't remember me anymore.
So I never said anything.

Now high school.
Lets just say, my once little lover 
has turned into quite the young man.
Soccer player.
Piano master.
School scholar.
He is amazing.
And I have fallen back into that infatuation
that consumed me about a decade ago.

But there is still a problem.
I haven't talk to this boy in ten years.
I shake when I think about approaching him.
He makes me nervous.
He still makes me a giddy little piglet.
What do I do?
How do I approach him?
We don't know.
I will find a way.
And I will let you know when I have overcome my fear.
He is amazing.
One day, he will love me again.
Hoorah!