The Awkward Life. It's Normal.

On a scale of one to awkward,

how weird was my day?

AWWKKWAAARRDDDD.

Lets start from the beginning, shall we?

My alarm didn't go off.

I woke up late.

That's always a great way to start of the day.

I rushed to practice my fitness routine.

For the pageant.

Someone shoot me now.

I was late.

My teacher was mad.

I had to leave early.

She wasn't pleased.

With a slicked ponytail and the awkwardest of polos

I headed off to the parade.

I don't quite know why...

But I shut off when I'm around my council.

I don't know what to say.

How to act.

What's right and what's wrong.

I just become very quiet.

It's an issue.

The parade was hot.

Very hot.

We chanted and threw bouncy balls at little children's heads.

I would say it was a definite success.

At the end of the parade, I jumped off our little trailor.

Slowly, I drug my feet along the blackened concrete.

I lifted my head towards the warm sky,

and smiled.

As my eyes shifted downward, there they were.

Walking in their red uniforms, hair in a bow.

Before I could even think,

My legs took off into a sprint.

I took out the red head.

She didn't even see me coming.

The tackling and hugs began.

My three cheerleaders.

I pulled away and looked at my life.

There stood my bestestestest friends.

In their cheer uniforms, with the personae of a champions.

I looked down and saw my charchoal polo hanging loosely.

For a split second,

I wished things were diferent

I wished I wasn't an SBO.

I wished they weren't cheerleaders.

In that moment I would have given my liver and kidney

to go back to how things used to be.

Dance Company.

Our sisterhood.

We were one.

No difference.

But as I snapped back to reality I realized that those thoughts were silly.

If things never changed, 

how would we ever grow?

So I put on a smile for them and told them how my summer had been.

I hugged each of them.

And stood there as they walked away in their little skirts.

It was hard.

It was really hard.

I walked back to our little trailer and didn't say a word the whole drive back.

I gave two of my favorite council members rides home.

The entire time holding back tears.

Some news was dropped on my head like a bomb.

I was crushed.

All I wanted to do was sleep.

I walked in my door and hugged my mother.

In that moment,

the tears released.

I let all the pain out.

The lonliness.

The saddness.

Everything.

Once I was done with my little episode,

I crawled onto my couch.

And passed out for the next 6 hours.

Didn't I tell you sleep is my cure to depression?

Ya, I was out for the count.

I woke up.

Took a shower.

I had to clean all my emotions off.

Got decently ready,

and headed off to be with my cheerleaders.

I needed them.

I needed reassurance that we really would be best friends forever.

And we had fun.

I could tell they were distant... 

But that's okay.

I was too.

We went to the car show.

The carnival.

We had a barbeque.

Then the fireworks.

And let me tell you,

Everyone and their dog was there.

And this is where the awkwardness roles into play.

I saw all my seniors.

My heart leaped every time I saw one of their smiling faces.

I saw my sophomores.

Now that put a smile on my face.

My asian.

My best friend.

It was great.

They made lots of jokes.

I laughed and shook it off.

Awkward moment number one.

I take it back.

I hate sophomores.

Their immaturity astounds me.

Then I saw the boy that created quite a mess in my life.

I tried to act natural.

My usual smilely self.

But someitmes...

Things just naturally get awkward.

And jokes are made.
There is that oh so awkward I eye contact.
Then...
 The two of us just busted up laughing.
Because we are close.
And what happened isn't a secret.
So we walked halfway to my car.
Came up with an awkward handshake.

Talking to another friends I turn the corner and my life honestly froze.
For a split second all I could hear was my fluttering heart.
I didn't know whether to run.
Or whether to go up and talk to them.
So instead I just stood there as awkwardly as possible.
Typical.
The four of us.
She loved him.
They were best friends.
He kissed me.
That boy was my crush.
They were close
Now.
We don't talk.
They like each other.
We're close friends.
They don't talk.
There still kind of friends.
And everything has switched.
And we all know it.
So here we are.
All trying to act normal when inside we are literally having a heart attack.
I tried to stay calm.
Smile as much as I could.
And a little too soon,
I said goodbye.
Hyperventilating a little bit,
I turned the corner.

And I took off into a sprint.
Across the entire school and the parking lot.
I had to get my stress out some way.
Once I reached the seminary building I fell to the ground.
I cried for a bit.
What a mess I had made of my life.
Seriously.

I proceeded to drive home,
blasting T-Swift.

My life.
So awkward.
But you know what?
It's definitely interesting...
And I think I can live with that.

Summer Nights Have All The Answers.

My life feels like a puzzle.

For the longest time it felt as though it was broken.

Crumbled.

Every piece of myself was alone

 and some were lost.

Other bits were damaged.

Some could to be used.

But others were destroyed to the point where they could never fit properly again.

Day by day,

minute by minute,

the little pieces are coming together.

Today was one of those days.

It was a day were I officially became Historian.

Dear Victoria is in my possession.

The laptop is now mine.

My hard work is about to begin.

And I can't even wait.

A day where I went to a certain meeting.

A meeting with my new council.

We went over rules and got our little handbook.

I have never been so blessed.

As I sat there,

in my advisor's humble home,

the pieces fit.

I looked around at my new family and my heart filled with love.

Over flowing.

I have lost a few close friends,

and the tears still come at night when I think of them not returning to Dance Company.

But,

the big man upstairs knows what he is doing.

He knows this is what I need.

And what's right for me.

So I shall listen for his guidance.

He loves me.

He will help me.

And this is one of the greatest blessings I have ever received.

It was a day where I could feel the warm wind whip across my sunburnt face

and lash my hair over my face.

I was taught of very special version of baseball by a very special boy.

We played for several hours.

I was awful.

Zero hand-I coordination, right here.

Luckily, he helped me.

He actually did everything.

He makes me...

Giddy.

Really.

I wasn't expecting it.

I wasn't expecting my heart to pound when he said my name.

My tummy to fill with butterflies when he looked at me in the eyes.

I still don't understand it.

I guess we'll see.

It was a simple day where a snow cone fixed all my problems.

Another piece fell into place.

I was comfortable with silence.

Conversation was easy.

The wind softly touched my cheeks and sparked a smile.

I looked up to the big blue sky.

I took a deep breath in and realized how absolutely beautiful my life was.

It was imperfect.

It has holes.

It's torn and sometimes feels like it is impossible to go on.

But in the end when you really step back and look at the big picture you understand that 

you are you.

I am me.

I giggle a little too much.

I don't always say the right thing and most of the time I make a fool out of myself.

I was able to forget about that one boy that knows exactly how to hurt me.

How to crush me.

Because he is wrong.

In that moment as I grinned and giggled at the sun,

I realized that my little flaws make me who I am.

I accepted that fact.

A piece fell into place.

And I understood the fact that no matter what,

I'm going to be okay.

It was a beautiful summer day where riding a tandem was the perfect treat.

Laughing with one of your favorite people.

Trying to crash.

Taking awkward pictures.

Riding down massive hills.

Pedaling until my legs almost gave up.

It was perfect.

It was a day where a secret was shared.

Where I was shocked.

And I loved it.

It showed that they aren't all the same.

It was a night filled with randomness.

The idea came across my mind to order 50 chicken nuggets.

I have always wanted to.

And this was the perfect opportunity.

We went to the football field of my greatest rival to enjoy our meal.

We ran across the field.

Played on old football equipment.

Talked in a circle.

I looked up once more to the dazzling stars.

I wondered if Elder was looking at them at the exact same moment.

I thought how special that might be.

So I took in that moment.

I completely lived in it.

My tattered and worn down heart felt completely healed.

As if the wound was never there.

It was a moment where everything was perfect.

And then that moment ended.

Instead of sulking,

I looked around at the loving facing surrounding me.

And I laughed.

My life is amazing.

Why would I sulk?

It's silly to waist such an incredible night.

So I didn't.

And lets just say,

I feel spoiled.

In every aspect.

And the pieces are beginning to fit.

Every last one of them.

I love my life.

Please.

Tell me some exciting summer adventures. :)

Doesn't Get Better Than This.

Summer nights.

Best.

Thing.

Ever.

Long boarding with one of my most favorite people in this planet.

And a McDonalds run with my ladies.

Life doesn't get better than this.

Right Around The Corner.

If a June night could talk, it would probably boast it invented romance.  
Bern Williams

The summer night is like a perfection of thought.
Wallace Stevens



Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass on a summer day listening to the murmur of water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is hardly a waste of time. 
John Lubbock


Summer afternoon - summer afternoon; to me those have always been the two most beautiful words in the English language.
Henry James

Summer. Summer. Summer.

I can smell it.

Taste it.

It's in the air.

Make it come fast.

FASTER.

Yesterday,

I went to my concert.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

BRUNO.

I THINK I WANT TO MARRY YOU.

get it?

JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.

BECAUSE I WOULD CATCH A GRENADE FOR YOU.

Best. Night. Ever.

Here are some pictures.

This was my date.

What a winner.

The night was amazing.

Amazing.

Like...

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I'm speechless.

Fantastic.

Today felt like

SUMMMMMEEEEEERRRRRR.

I didn't go to first period.

Because that is completely over-rated.

During second, things got better.

I thought I had a much over due fine..

But.

I don't.

So.

I get my yearbook!

During precalc,

I left.

And I went into the hall to see my Crush.

We were given a dare.

It might happen in the summer.

Maybe.

Hopefully.

What?

Then I jumped into my best friend's car.

Good ol' Billy Jean.

We went to Cafe Rio.

I ate a WHOLE burrito by myself.

Pure heaven.

I went back to the school to discuss grades with my teachers.

We duct-taped a girl to the lockers instead of going to fourth period.

I giggled.

A lot.

Then we went swimming.

Kind of.

Then we made cookies.

Then a sophomore serenaded me on a piano.

I sat and listened.

I thought about how good life is.

I was in my swimming suit and cover up.

Laying on the couch.

There was no worry of homework or a test coming up.

I have a very special boy in my life.

The one that gives me butterflies.

Summer is right around the corner.

I go to Lake Powell next week.

Grades are done.

Finished.

I survived my junior year.

No more stress for the next three months.

I have the bestest friends in the world.

My little red-headed sister.

My soul sister.

My Romeo.

My favorite sophomore.

My almost-step-sister/cousin.

I am so blessed.

I love my life.

Plus I got to wear a skirt today.

SUMMMMEEERRR.

I love you.

Time To Move On And Invite The Summer.

Tonight is the night I have been waiting for.

Tonight I will see one of my musical icons in person.

And he shall sing for me.

I will sing back.

And we will have a moment.

A boy will be next to me.

One that makes me happier than anyone else.

I hope we dance.

I know I will.

This is his first concert.

I hope it will be special for him.

Because I know it will be for me.

The concert is being at the UCCU center.

I found this out on Friday.

And I almost canceled this little party.

I went up to my room.

I hyperventilated a bit.

After a nap and some craisins,

I pulled myself together.

The last time I entered that center, I went to a concert.

An amazing one in fact.

BOB, Iyaz, and Jason Derulo.

All in one.

I do not enjoy music like that,

but Elder did.

And he wanted me to go with him.

So I went.

And well,

you know how that went.

That was our first date.

Our first connection.

And serendipitously, tonight I shall be sitting one row lower in the same section.

Yes.

Almost to exact same seats.

Elder has been on my mind A LOT lately.

And it's been hard.

Really hard.

Utah County has decided to turn into Seattle.

Rain. Rain. Rain.

Memories. Memories. Memories.

Not to mention,

I am falling for another boy.

Quite fast, and quite hard.

Despite my little cracks and broken heart,

I have let myself trust.

Have faith.

But I can't help but have Elder constantly there in the back of my head.

I know its over.

But all those emotions and feeling I have been trying to repress are opening up again.

But for someone else.

It is terrifying.

I can't get Elder out.

I know he has forgotten about me.

Why can't I forget about him?

And just move on?

Ugh.

I hate love.

I love love.

Summer will help.

No more school, no more stress.

I will just be free.

Completely free.

Summer is the time when girls go barefoot, 

and their hearts are just as free as their toes.

I am not going to hold back.

I know I will have regrets if I do.

I won't let thoughts of Elder drag me down.

I am going have faith.

I love the Notebook.

It makes me smile.

It makes me cry.

Here is a quote I have altered. 

I believe it fits my life.

Enjoy.

My Dearest Elder. 

I couldn't sleep last night because I know that it's over between us. I'm not bitter anymore, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I'll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given me. That's what I hope to give to you forever. 
I love you. I'll be seeing you. Love, Linsey. 

Hello, This Was My Week.

Once upon a time Linsey never wrote on her blog.

The end.

Lets start with Wednesday:

I went to a choir concert.

And might I just say,

My school is oh so talented.

I sat by my romeo.

Our secret love....

It's fantastic.

After I arrived home I had the privledge of watching the American Idol Finale.

SCOOOTTTTTTYYYYYY!!!

My boy.

My love.

I called it from the very beginning.

He will be a legend.

Thursday:

Two words.
Bad. Day.
Do you ever have those days when nothing goes your way,
when teachers don't work with you,
when friends act silly,
when fate hates you,
when a certain boy ignores your existance,
when you have 170000000 things to do and so little time,
and you really just want a chocolate bar?

Yep.
That was my life.

That night we had our Dance Co banquet.
I wanted to cry.
It was so hard being with my entire Company for the last time.
But I was comforted.
We have so many great memories together.
We are sisters.
As cliche as it sounds,
We can't cry because it's over,
we should smile because it happened.
I will never forget Dance Company 2010 - 2011.
A true sisterhood.

Friday:

One of the best days I have had in the longest time.
At lunch,
A tailgate party was held on the band field.
Hot dogs were eaten,
and memories were made.
A complete success.
Then came the state championship baseball game.
I had the privilege to sit by my dear Crush through out the entire game.
BONDDINNNG definitely occurred.
Man.... I will write a little bit more about that later.
We lost.
But second in state is not that bad right?
It's actually quite amazing.
Then came Powder Puff.
Stupid seniors.
I hate you.
All of you.
And your cheating ways.
GRRRRR.
I got a real cool jersey that some lovelies made for me.
It sported the number 26 along with the name of "Puffs" on the back.
May I just say I love that shirt?
A lot.
Then came Cavestock.
Talk about your craziness.
At first everything went quite well.
Doing my free period I got work with the cotton candy.
A literal dream come true.
I am easily entertained.
Sue me.
Then the rain came.
Usually I'm a fan of water falling from the sky but not when we are holding an outside dance with expensive electronics that must be out of H20's way.
So,
the chaos began.
The rain meant we had to bring everything in.
Every chair.
Every table.
Every piece of equipment.
By the end I was a soaking wet mess that really needed a power nap.
Might I just say,
when things need to get done,
I turn into a different person.
My priorities are shifted and I run around like a mad women trying to get things done.
And things we a lot easier because my dear Crush was by my side for the most of the night.
He helped me with everything.
I really appreciated it.
He made me smile.
A lot.
Then Momo and I decided to take a break and wrestle in the grass.
One of the best ideas I have ever had.
She is a little monster.
I like a challenge.

Yep.
We are that cool.
Notice the jersey. Number 26.
Booyahhh.

After about an hour of endless clean up the dance began.
And I partied.
It was very hot.
I became very sweaty.
But did that stop me from dancing with my Crush?
NO SIRR.
American Fork High School is just so school.
At one point in the evening my red headed little sister, a little sophy I admire with all my heart,
and I decided to stand on the benches and dance.
Pretty soon,
our whole little group was on those old piles of wood partying like
 there was no tomorrow.
Towards the end of the night,
They played a song of unity and the whole school linked arms and stood in a big circle.
We all shifted back and forth.
Looking at each other's faces.
Looking at the seniors who are off to bigger and better things.
Wanting to cry.
But smiling thinking of all the memories.
We all shouted ah-chil-le-le.
For the last time.
It was a great end.
Not to mention,
I danced with my Crush.
Twice.
That's right.
And all I have to say is I believe I have fallen quite hard for the kid.
Never in my life had I thought it would have developed into this.
He is amazing.
I have never met a more amazing boy.
He makes me swoon.
And giggle.
And... man.
Not to mention he improved immensely as a dancer.
Mainly, we worked on dips and spins.
Magical.
We had a moment.
I am the luckiest girl to ever walk this planet.
But at the same time,
I am terrified.
I don't know how to conduct myself.
I don't know what to do.
Hello seventh grade.
That is what I feel like.
Let the pieces fall where they may, I like to say.
Cavestock.
Success.
Pure happiness.
I love my life.
Very much.

Please Start Now. Yes, I Would Like That.

Ah-ha moments.

Priceless.

Do you ever have those moments when all the pieces fit?

Where every thought clicks?

And makes perfect sense?

I had a few of those on Saturday.

Maybe more than a few.

It started out with a service project.

Picking up the trash in American Fork.

My dear group had the joyful task of walking from In-N-Out to Cold Stone.

I brought a friend.

*Place giggle here*

I was told I was completely useless because it was impossible to stay concentrated.

Hm.

I don't understand what they are talking about.

I adore these girls.

I'm a total loser for not getting a picture with my friend.

Ugh.

I spent the rest of the day with my soul sister.

It in insane how you can be the exact opposite of a person,

but at the same,

you find your other half.

She's the artistic one.

Writing, photography, art,

the whole shibang.

I'm the logical one.

I like numbers and patterns.

Consistency.

Symmetry.

OCD.

Being best friends is having one soul in two bodies.

I found my other half.

We maybe so different,

but we are givers.

We will give EVERYTHING to those we care about.

Do anything for them.

Listen to their joys and rejoice with them.

Discuss little details and over analyze every portion as girls love to do.

Listen to stories of heartbreak and comfort,

even when we are dying inside.

Serve the ones we love in every way possible.

I always knew I did this.

But never have I met someone willing to open up to me,

as she has.

The more we talked, the more we began to realize we both made SBO for many reasons.

One of the top reasons?

To become soul sisters.

And we are.

And I love her.

I am so blessed to have this young lassie in my life.

We went to yard sales.

Went grocery shopping.

We played with kitties and puppies.

See for yourself.

Look at my little Simba.

What a gem.

The old and new council member had a little party.

I was abnormally quiet.

I still feel like the odd girl out.

Soon, my odd ways will be accepted and I will have a family with my council.

But for now...

I'm scared.

I'm scared I won't fit it.

That I will be looked at as this random child on council,

that doesn't really belong.

I know once my council sees the true me,

they will welcome me with open arms.

But I am in transition right now.

With friends,

with myself.

I am changing.

And I know it.

Love it, to be precise.

Ah-ha.

I spent half my night with my SBO ladies.

And that is when things clicked.

I looked around, and I felt loved.

And cared for.

When it comes to a Blue,

such as myself,

there is not a greater feeling.

I can already tell,

we are going to be so so close.

I can't wait.

  

Dear StuCo,

I would really appreciate it if you would start now.

I would love to have a family.

My dream is to walk up to all the members and each of them to smile and accept me.

That would be nice.

You are a major blessing in my life, and as I count my many,

I do not want you to go waste.

I want to start now.

This very moment.

I love you.

With all my heart.

Thank you.

For everything.

Please make my senior year the best one ever.

I would really like that.

With all my heart,

Linsey.

Rain and Parks. What More Could You Want?

This school year is nearing a close.

The usual result of this time of year would be...

Sunshine.

But when does Utah ever follow the rules?

Never

We are rebels.

For almost three days straight,

Utah County has been under a constant cover of pouring rain.

My feelings about the current weather?

In Love.

If someone asked me if I would take sunshine or heavy pouring rain?

My answer would obviously be,

heavy pouring rain.

Today during my classes,

I would look through the streaking window 

and pray the rain would stay this strong.

As soon as the bell rang for early lunch,

two little sophies and I made a dart for the car.

Before entering the out doors,

I slipped off my Toms,

cuffed my pants,

and sprinted underneath the crying clouds.

I must have looked like a five year old,

running around,

making splashes in little puddles.

Miles joined me as we sang in the rain.

We even danced a bit.

Once we stopped our immaturity for a moment,

we decided to head to JCW.

Home of the best Ranch Bacon Cheeseburger this world has ever seen.

We ate.

Miles handed me several napkins to clean my face.

I would like to see him drive and eat a massive burger at the same time.

Why I outta....

As we traveled to our prison of a school

we past a park I pass everyday.

Without the consent from my fellow car members,

my vehicle abruptly turned into the parks little street parking.

I told the youngins we were going to swing on swings.

In the rain.

May I just announce right now that this idea was one of my more genius ones?

Because it was.

I giggled a lot.

I felt free.

Clean.

I love rain.

It changes me.

We ran around.

I almost slipped onto my behind.

We climbed in trees.

Pure happiness.

We acted as though we were five.

Because that is who I am at heart.

Next time it rains,

please go play at a park.

It'll make you smile.

Truly smile.

A Late Night and A Stupid Movie.

It is 3:16.

I am still awake.

How?

I am asking myself the same question.

Tonight, this morning to be exact,

I went to the midnight premiere of this fine movie.

I watched the first fifteen minutes,

then slept like a baby for the next hour.

I do not know how that happened.

I didn't like the ending.

It doesn't make sense.

A few questions I have.

What was the purpose of the pig?

Where did the mermaid take the priest?

How in the world did the mermaid get into the fountain of youth?

Did I miss something?

Man.

I want my money back.

On our way to the Megaplex theater,

my two red headed long lived childhood friends and I,

decided to document the night.

We're special.

Very special.

At one point in the evening,

I was somehow left to guard the car,

while every other member of our party went into the gas station.

Typical Linsey situation.

So as I sat in the car all by my lonesome,
in hopes to entertain myself,

I took out my camera.

I have always had the biggest pet peeve.

When girls take pictures of themselves, 

in the passenger side of the car 

or

infront of the mirror.

I HATE IT.

I can't exactly explain why.

I don't like it.

Soo... I decided to make a tribute.

Please enjoy some lovely photos.

Like I said before,

Lovely.

Am I right?

If you ever wonder what Linsey enjoys doing in her spare time,

well, 

this is it.

Anyways,

I love late nights.

After my many distractions I am finishing this post at 3:51.

Time for some sleepy-sleep.

Ladies and gentlemen.
I bid thee farewell.