On The Horizon

Ladies and Gentlemen.

My life.

In quotes.

A new story is on the horizon.

I can feel it.

But I won't ruin the ending now.

Noooo.

That would be silly.

Just know...

The twelfth step in my heartbreak rehabilitation program is about to be complete.

There is a new man in town.

Magic Everywhere You Look.

My life equals greatness.

This weekend has proven to me that magic really does exist.

In every form.

Thursday night was my cousin's Wedding Dinner.

And let me clarify something right here.
My extended family is close.
We're talking really close.
My cousins are like my second sisters.
My brothers.
My aunts are like my other mothers.
We are weirdly close.
And I love it.

So when I say my cousin is getting married,
It feels like my sister is being wedded.
So it's a big deal.
A really big deal.

The Wedding Dinner was beautiful.
It was down Vintage Lane in the backyard of a mansion.
The yard was covered in flowers of pink and purple.
The smell of steak and strawberry lemonade was in the air.
In the back was a roaring river with swings soaring high.
It was a perfect July day.
The sun was shining warm and bright.

After the food was served the microphone was given to the bride and groom to share a few thoughts.
The story was shared of how they met.
And it brought tears to my eyes.

It all started junior year.
She ran track and was a cheerleader.
His life was dedicated to football.
They had seen each other around but never thought anything of it.
Then, this boy had a life changing idea.
He asked her to junior prom.
And from the way it sounded,
It was one of the best nights of there lives.
Well a couple of Sundays afterward,
this girl was sitting in Young Women were she was listening to a lesson on temple marriage.
She said she had this overwhelming feeling that she was meant to marry this boy.
She knew without out a doubt in her mind it was going to work.
She suddenly escaped into a vision of swinging their child together
and felt such peace.
So the summer began.
And by the end of the summer romance,
they had lost their virgin lips together.
Senior year was perfect.
She was cheer captain.
He was the quarterback.
They went to every dance.
Every weekend.
Too soon,
they graduated and he got his mission call.
She had a full ride to BYU for track.
He had a full ride to the same university for football.
He left the following December.
She sent him off and wrote him faithfully at first.
But life got in the way and she wanted to date.
Make sure he's the one.
So she searched.
They stopped writing.
A letter here and there.
Two years later,
she know he was the one.
Two days after he was home,
she called him and asked him out.
They kissed.
And it was fate from there.
He proposed in May.

Cutest story ever.
It kills me.
The wedding dinner was amazing.

Later that evening...

My life officially ended.
As in,
I have nothing to look forward to.
Harry Potter.
And I discovered a new pet peeve.
Why in the world would people go to the midnight showing if they aren't true fans?
Because it's the cool thing to do?
Oh, I was bugged.
And if you haven't ever read one book?
Really?
I think there should be a Harry Potter test before you can purchase midnight showing tickets.
You must pass with a 80% or higher.
Thank you.
Because us people,
who have read the entire series three times through,
and can pratically quote every line in ever movie,
do not appreciate your lack of love for our dear Harry and your infatuation with following the crowd.
Thank you, again.
I sobbed.
Through out the whole end.
And the car ride home was a whole other thing.
This marks the end of my childhood.
I saw the first movie while I was in second grade.
The Sorcerer's Stone was my very first chapter book.
The whole gang has always been apart of my life.
And an exciting part at that.

When I turned eleven I spent my entire birthday waiting for my 
Hogwarts acceptance letter.
That night, when it never came,
I cried myself to sleep.

Worst. Birthday. Ever.

I'm obsessed.
When it's dark I call out
LUMOS!
But the lights never turn on.

When I want something to come to me, I scream
ACCIO CHOCOLATE!
But the chocolate never comes.

I want to be a witch so bad.
What ever.
I can just live with being a muggle.... I guess.

That's right. We're dorks.
Me and my cousins.

The promptly in the morning,
we headed off to the temple.

And they were married.
Eternally bound.
Forever.

I have never seen a couple more in love.
Watch this video.
You will surely see what I am talking about.

The Video of Love.

Doesn't that say it all.
She looked like a princess.
With her prince.

It is a true fairytale.

See?

Magic does exist.

All you got to do is go looking for it.

The Awkward Life. It's Normal.

On a scale of one to awkward,

how weird was my day?

AWWKKWAAARRDDDD.

Lets start from the beginning, shall we?

My alarm didn't go off.

I woke up late.

That's always a great way to start of the day.

I rushed to practice my fitness routine.

For the pageant.

Someone shoot me now.

I was late.

My teacher was mad.

I had to leave early.

She wasn't pleased.

With a slicked ponytail and the awkwardest of polos

I headed off to the parade.

I don't quite know why...

But I shut off when I'm around my council.

I don't know what to say.

How to act.

What's right and what's wrong.

I just become very quiet.

It's an issue.

The parade was hot.

Very hot.

We chanted and threw bouncy balls at little children's heads.

I would say it was a definite success.

At the end of the parade, I jumped off our little trailor.

Slowly, I drug my feet along the blackened concrete.

I lifted my head towards the warm sky,

and smiled.

As my eyes shifted downward, there they were.

Walking in their red uniforms, hair in a bow.

Before I could even think,

My legs took off into a sprint.

I took out the red head.

She didn't even see me coming.

The tackling and hugs began.

My three cheerleaders.

I pulled away and looked at my life.

There stood my bestestestest friends.

In their cheer uniforms, with the personae of a champions.

I looked down and saw my charchoal polo hanging loosely.

For a split second,

I wished things were diferent

I wished I wasn't an SBO.

I wished they weren't cheerleaders.

In that moment I would have given my liver and kidney

to go back to how things used to be.

Dance Company.

Our sisterhood.

We were one.

No difference.

But as I snapped back to reality I realized that those thoughts were silly.

If things never changed, 

how would we ever grow?

So I put on a smile for them and told them how my summer had been.

I hugged each of them.

And stood there as they walked away in their little skirts.

It was hard.

It was really hard.

I walked back to our little trailer and didn't say a word the whole drive back.

I gave two of my favorite council members rides home.

The entire time holding back tears.

Some news was dropped on my head like a bomb.

I was crushed.

All I wanted to do was sleep.

I walked in my door and hugged my mother.

In that moment,

the tears released.

I let all the pain out.

The lonliness.

The saddness.

Everything.

Once I was done with my little episode,

I crawled onto my couch.

And passed out for the next 6 hours.

Didn't I tell you sleep is my cure to depression?

Ya, I was out for the count.

I woke up.

Took a shower.

I had to clean all my emotions off.

Got decently ready,

and headed off to be with my cheerleaders.

I needed them.

I needed reassurance that we really would be best friends forever.

And we had fun.

I could tell they were distant... 

But that's okay.

I was too.

We went to the car show.

The carnival.

We had a barbeque.

Then the fireworks.

And let me tell you,

Everyone and their dog was there.

And this is where the awkwardness roles into play.

I saw all my seniors.

My heart leaped every time I saw one of their smiling faces.

I saw my sophomores.

Now that put a smile on my face.

My asian.

My best friend.

It was great.

They made lots of jokes.

I laughed and shook it off.

Awkward moment number one.

I take it back.

I hate sophomores.

Their immaturity astounds me.

Then I saw the boy that created quite a mess in my life.

I tried to act natural.

My usual smilely self.

But someitmes...

Things just naturally get awkward.

And jokes are made.
There is that oh so awkward I eye contact.
Then...
 The two of us just busted up laughing.
Because we are close.
And what happened isn't a secret.
So we walked halfway to my car.
Came up with an awkward handshake.

Talking to another friends I turn the corner and my life honestly froze.
For a split second all I could hear was my fluttering heart.
I didn't know whether to run.
Or whether to go up and talk to them.
So instead I just stood there as awkwardly as possible.
Typical.
The four of us.
She loved him.
They were best friends.
He kissed me.
That boy was my crush.
They were close
Now.
We don't talk.
They like each other.
We're close friends.
They don't talk.
There still kind of friends.
And everything has switched.
And we all know it.
So here we are.
All trying to act normal when inside we are literally having a heart attack.
I tried to stay calm.
Smile as much as I could.
And a little too soon,
I said goodbye.
Hyperventilating a little bit,
I turned the corner.

And I took off into a sprint.
Across the entire school and the parking lot.
I had to get my stress out some way.
Once I reached the seminary building I fell to the ground.
I cried for a bit.
What a mess I had made of my life.
Seriously.

I proceeded to drive home,
blasting T-Swift.

My life.
So awkward.
But you know what?
It's definitely interesting...
And I think I can live with that.

Summer Nights Have All The Answers.

My life feels like a puzzle.

For the longest time it felt as though it was broken.

Crumbled.

Every piece of myself was alone

 and some were lost.

Other bits were damaged.

Some could to be used.

But others were destroyed to the point where they could never fit properly again.

Day by day,

minute by minute,

the little pieces are coming together.

Today was one of those days.

It was a day were I officially became Historian.

Dear Victoria is in my possession.

The laptop is now mine.

My hard work is about to begin.

And I can't even wait.

A day where I went to a certain meeting.

A meeting with my new council.

We went over rules and got our little handbook.

I have never been so blessed.

As I sat there,

in my advisor's humble home,

the pieces fit.

I looked around at my new family and my heart filled with love.

Over flowing.

I have lost a few close friends,

and the tears still come at night when I think of them not returning to Dance Company.

But,

the big man upstairs knows what he is doing.

He knows this is what I need.

And what's right for me.

So I shall listen for his guidance.

He loves me.

He will help me.

And this is one of the greatest blessings I have ever received.

It was a day where I could feel the warm wind whip across my sunburnt face

and lash my hair over my face.

I was taught of very special version of baseball by a very special boy.

We played for several hours.

I was awful.

Zero hand-I coordination, right here.

Luckily, he helped me.

He actually did everything.

He makes me...

Giddy.

Really.

I wasn't expecting it.

I wasn't expecting my heart to pound when he said my name.

My tummy to fill with butterflies when he looked at me in the eyes.

I still don't understand it.

I guess we'll see.

It was a simple day where a snow cone fixed all my problems.

Another piece fell into place.

I was comfortable with silence.

Conversation was easy.

The wind softly touched my cheeks and sparked a smile.

I looked up to the big blue sky.

I took a deep breath in and realized how absolutely beautiful my life was.

It was imperfect.

It has holes.

It's torn and sometimes feels like it is impossible to go on.

But in the end when you really step back and look at the big picture you understand that 

you are you.

I am me.

I giggle a little too much.

I don't always say the right thing and most of the time I make a fool out of myself.

I was able to forget about that one boy that knows exactly how to hurt me.

How to crush me.

Because he is wrong.

In that moment as I grinned and giggled at the sun,

I realized that my little flaws make me who I am.

I accepted that fact.

A piece fell into place.

And I understood the fact that no matter what,

I'm going to be okay.

It was a beautiful summer day where riding a tandem was the perfect treat.

Laughing with one of your favorite people.

Trying to crash.

Taking awkward pictures.

Riding down massive hills.

Pedaling until my legs almost gave up.

It was perfect.

It was a day where a secret was shared.

Where I was shocked.

And I loved it.

It showed that they aren't all the same.

It was a night filled with randomness.

The idea came across my mind to order 50 chicken nuggets.

I have always wanted to.

And this was the perfect opportunity.

We went to the football field of my greatest rival to enjoy our meal.

We ran across the field.

Played on old football equipment.

Talked in a circle.

I looked up once more to the dazzling stars.

I wondered if Elder was looking at them at the exact same moment.

I thought how special that might be.

So I took in that moment.

I completely lived in it.

My tattered and worn down heart felt completely healed.

As if the wound was never there.

It was a moment where everything was perfect.

And then that moment ended.

Instead of sulking,

I looked around at the loving facing surrounding me.

And I laughed.

My life is amazing.

Why would I sulk?

It's silly to waist such an incredible night.

So I didn't.

And lets just say,

I feel spoiled.

In every aspect.

And the pieces are beginning to fit.

Every last one of them.

I love my life.

Please.

Tell me some exciting summer adventures. :)

We Are A Team. Full of Fashion and Friendship.

Once upon a time,

I was so blessed.

Heavenly Father works in mysterious ways.

Yes, he does.

What am I talking about?

May I just say...

ALLYSE'S BRIDAL FASHION TEAM 2012

Some say it looks awesome.
Others say stupid.
Some say neat.
Others say silly.

But one thing I know for sure.
It might be one of the best things to ever happen to me.

Friday Morning 7:30 am
My hands were shaking as I walked through those cold metal mall doors.
I turned the corner and entered the store.
It was a room of crowded people.
I have never felt so alone.
I turned in my luggage and grabbed a muffin by the mirrors.
The greens carpet caught my attention as I thought of what my friends were doing that day.
Seven Peaks?
Maybe a night under the stars with their bodies pressing into the thick green grass?
Whatever it was,
I wouldn't be there.
Small talk was made.
No one really willing to be their one hundred percent self.
We sat in a circle.
I mainly looked at the ground.
I could not think of ONE thing to say.
Not one.
Then a girl with very long blonde hair asked if she could squeeze in.
She was soft spoke.
The ultra polite type.
I was intrigued.
She was quite the opposite of me.
Luckily she was a dancer.
So that made a click from the start.
We discussed local studios and different school programs.
Turns out she is from Lone Peak,
and fifteen minutes away from my house.

I was in the Blue Group.
Also known as Gucci.
We played get to know you games.
I shared my passing out problem and all my favorite things.
Turns out the blonde was in my group again.
I really liked her.

We had a fashion class from the funniest old lady.
Half the stuff she said...
Ya, we did NOT expect that to come out of her.
My favorite type of apparel would be Romantic.
I learned that.
I was informed I had a M butt.
Yay for me.

At lunch is where the magic happened.
I sat by the two Lone Peak representatives and something happened.
I didn't have to try to make conversation.
I didn't have to worry about my every thought.
I didn't feel the pressure to be perfect.
I was me.
Happy little me.
And I knew these girls would become close friends.
I had that little tingle in the stomach,
And I could feel Heavenly Father shining over me.
I could feel his warmth.
His brightness.
And friendships were formed.
To the point,
Where we are moving in with one another when we graduate down in the red rocks.
We are going to college with each other.
And only after 4 hours.

We had walking classes.
And we learned our path on the Runway.
Dresses were sized and distributed.
I got a pretty one.
It made me feel like a princess.

We got to check into our hotel.
I roomed with the three most adorable girls on this planet.
We watched What Not To Wear.
It fit the theme of our gathering.
With only 30 minutes of down time,
We were off once more.

Luau baby.
And let me just say,
Exciting things happened.
I rolled down a BIGG hill.
I attempted different types of rolls but I only ended up nearly kill myself.
My ladies and I played on the giant elastic.
Running til we couldn't stop laughing.
Running til I fell flat on the bottom.
Running til I couldn't run no more.
As we laid under the shade with our heartbeats high,
I smiled in the warm sun.
This felt so easy.
So natural.
No one expected me to be anyone.
They didn't know my past.
They know the girl I have come to be and what I stand for this very moment.
And they loved me.
They appreciated me.
And I love them.
Maybe a little bit more.

See what I'm talking about?
What beauts.
We ate unbelievable food.
We're talking three big plates full.
Modesty was discussed with cute men from BYU and premissionary boys.
It was fantastic.

That night I went swimming.
Hot tubbing.
Spent the night buy chocolate,
running away from football players,
and watching My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding.
I was completely content.
The happiest I had been in a long time.

The next morning we had a two hour photo shoot.
Linsey and her awkward life.
It was bad.
Then the ladies and I went shopping.
We went into a photo booth.
We are a little crazy.

Best friends?

I say yes.

Then we got ready for the runway.

Did I mention I was awkward?

The blonde and I had to sprint to the bathroom to wipe off all the gunk and creams.

We laughed.

We helped each other.

She's one of my bestest friends.

Did I mention we are moving in with each other once we graduate?

Ya, we are.

Here are some pictures.

Happiness.
Pure happiness.

I love my Fashion Team.
Every single girl.
Motto time?
Modest is hottest.

Doesn't Get Better Than This.

Summer nights.

Best.

Thing.

Ever.

Long boarding with one of my most favorite people in this planet.

And a McDonalds run with my ladies.

Life doesn't get better than this.

And Things Went Better Than Planned.

First Week of Summer.

Done.

Check.

Things accomplished:

• Watched Twlight
• Watched New Moon
• Watched Eclipse
• Watched Harry Potter 6
• Watched Harry Potter 7
• Read half of Twilight
• Read half of Harry Potter 7
• Worked a 25 hour week
• Attempted to go to Seven Peaks
• Devoured 3 different flavored snow cones
• Made cookies
• Went to the temple
• And sucessfully hung out with my cousins every night

I have vetoed high school.

I don't want to talk to anyone.

I don't want to do anything crazy.

In the words of Bruno Mars

"Today I don't feel like doing anything.

I just want to lay in my bed.

Don't feel like picking up my phone,

So leave a message at the tone.

Cuz today I don't feel like doing anything."

That has been my motto.

I have not put at ounce of make up on my face in the last week.

Nor have a put any heat or product to my hair.

If ever I need to look semi-ly decent,

the mane is thrown back into a slicked ponytail.

Because you know why?

I don't really care anymore.

I have given up on having a crazy summer.

Everyone is gone,

And I have no thrive to do anything insane.

Instead I would rather spend my days working.

Or sleeping.

Or...

Spending time with the most amazing ladies in the world.

My cousins.

They make me laugh so hard,

Diet Coke spurts out my nose.

And that hurts.

So we laugh even harder.

We giggle until our tummies hurt and we are crying for oxygen.

We realize maybe we aren't the most obsessed fans in the world because we never worried about the oil or whether they weigh foam or concrete.

And we are grateful we haven't reached that point.

We spend the night discussing our ties, glasses, and tickets as we watch part 1 of Harry Potter 7.

I have never been so happy.

Because here's the thing.

Friends are going to come and go.

It's high school.

Life is constantly changing.

You lose friends to cheerleading.

You gain some through Student Council.

Change.

Change.

Change.

One thing is constant.

And that is family.

No matter how much you want them go away at times,

or how annoyed you get,

Family is never going to change.

After high school,

you are never going to see half the people you are surrounded by everyday.

But where ever you go in life,

or whatever you become,

Family is always there to back you up.

And I'm glad I have realized this now.

Because I have the coolest family ever!

We are nuts.

I am never going to be able to bring a boy to a family party because I know they will scare him off.

We have to be engaged first.

So then he can't back out.

But that is why I love my extended family so dearly.

We are so blunt.

And hilarious.

I love it.

I love them.

Today I went to the temple for the first time in ten months.

Why so long you ask?

To be honest I don't know.

Things just come up.

And I lost the drive to go.

I forgot how much I loved that place.

And how it clears your mind.

It helps you set your priorities right.

It brings you happiness.

You feel your savior closer than ever.

My goodness.

And since I haven't been on the temple grounds in almost a year,

I decided to document the day.

One thing about Linsey?

I'm really into photography.

Lots.

I wish I was better and more creative...

But what can you do?

I like editing.

Bringing out the natural beauty in everything and everyone.

Making every detail brighter and full of happiness.

And on temple grounds?

Complete happiness.

If ever you are struggling.

Feeling weak or down.

Insecure or alone.

Go to the House of the Lord.

It's fantastic how things work out. 

Oh, The Days Of Happiness.

I can remember my last night with him perfectly.

It was the 8th of November. Elder was leaving on the 10th for the MTC. This Monday was a chance for us to say goodbye and spend our final moments together.

As usual, we met at our secret spot.

To this day, no one knows where it is. It is our little secret.

It is beyond special to me, I have not been there since that night.

Anyways,

We met up at 8, and my curfew was pushed to midnight because of the occasion.

Four hours.

That was all we had to be with each other.

I remember his car pulling around the corner.

My heart dropped knowing this was the last time I would witness his arrival to our precious spot.

We got out of our cars simultaneously.

Before I knew it, I was being spun in the air.

A perfect moment in the arms of my Elder.

He was a little excited to see me. 

When our embrace finally ended, I looked into his eyes.

A better definition would be melted.

I can still remember the pain that shown through his ice blue eyes.

Softly, he placed his hand of the back of my neck and drew me in.

Never in my life had I known a more powerful kiss.

It was gentle and soft, but the pain of the situation stung every moment.

After he pulled away, I saw this moment for what it truly was.

This kiss was the first of our last moments together for two years.

My heart shattered that very second.

I would not waste this night.

In anyway.

After climbing into the backseat of his car, our night really began.

We took the first hour to bear our testimonies to each other.

I have NEVER felt the spirit so strong.

The testimony of a soon-to-be missionary is outstanding.

The faith and willingness of his heart was remarkable.

I was blown away.

I only fell that much harder.

The next hour was... well... very intimate. 

Can you really blame us?

This was our last time together, 

Of course he was going to catch all the rain he could before his two year drought.

Bur randomly, at one point, he pulled away and became angry.

Almost furious.

I began to wonder what in the world I did to trigger this emotion.

Suddenly he exclaimed:

"Why now?! I have waited for my the girl of my dreams for all of high school. We even went to school together! Why are you in my life now? Right before I leave? We could have been so happy my entire senior year. Why did it have to happen like this?" and so forth.

I was shocked. My face was probably priceless.

I knew I had thought these thoughts before but I never knew they crossed Elder'smind.

My reply was:

"Ok, lets go back to your senior year. Where were you mentally? Where were you spiritually? Lets be honest, you are a different person than you were back in high school. What we have is special, and it means so much more because we are more mature now. Lets just be grateful that this did happen. And that we are in love now."

That was the first time love was ever brought up.

I buried my head in his chest, trying to disguise the initial shock and embarrassment.

I did not know how he would react.

If that would ruin everything.

I knew I felt it, but I was never quite sure where he stood.

Silence.

Cricket cricket.

Oh great, I just ruined everything.

After an eternity, Elder surprised me.

He slid me onto his lap and cradled me in his arms.

For about ten minutes we just sat in quietness.

I was in complete bliss.

At least he didn't shun me like I thought he would.

To my surprise, he began to tickle words onto my back.

This entertained us for a while, he wrote a word, I would guess it.

Silly sayings, inside jokes.

Before I knew it, he wrote.

I am in love with you.

My head snapped up instantly.

I stared at him. 

Ridiculously.

"Linsey, I have never had stronger feelings for any other girl in my life. I am in love you. I want you to wait for me. I know I could marry and be the happiest guy alive."

Ohhhhh myyyyyy goodness.

Talk about your heart stopping!

Giddiness filled my body, and I just leaned in to kiss him.

Just taking a walk down memory lane.

What I would give to go back to that night...