On The Horizon

Ladies and Gentlemen.

My life.

In quotes.

A new story is on the horizon.

I can feel it.

But I won't ruin the ending now.

Noooo.

That would be silly.

Just know...

The twelfth step in my heartbreak rehabilitation program is about to be complete.

There is a new man in town.

Eight Months Gone And I'm Still Reaching.

I don't even know what to say.

8 months.

Of tears.

Of heartache.

Of lonliness.

Of trying to move on.

Of... hell.

I can't believe I have made it this far.

I'm still broken.

Completely.

So..

Instead of explaining my life,

Why not revert to Taylor Swift songs?

Because I'm pretty sure she secretly watches my life with a hidden camera.

Her songs are completely relevant to my life.

I love it.

Music is a story.

I created this playlist.

Our relationship.

Taylor Swift style.

Lets begin.

Enchanted

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonder-struck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
This night is flawless, don't you let it go
I'm wonder-struck, dancing around all alone
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you

Jump Then Fall

I like the way you sound in the morning
We're on the phone and without a warning
I realize your laugh is the best sound
I have ever heard
I like the way I can't keep my focus
I watch you talk, you didn't notice
I hear the words but all I can think is
We should be together
Every time you smile, I smile
And every time you shine, I'll shine for you

Sparks Fly

If you want to know the story

go here:

Drop everything now, Meet me in the pouring rain.

I promise.

It's a great story.

Our Song

Our song is the slamming screen door
Sneakin' out late, tapping on your window
When we're on the phone and you talk real slow
'Cause it's late and your mama don't know
Our song is the way you laugh
The first date man, I didn't kiss her and I should have
And when I got home, 'fore I said amen
Asking God if He could play it again

Crazier

You lift my feet off the ground
Spin me around
You make me crazier, crazier
Feels like I'm falling and I
I'm lost in your eyes
You make me crazier,

I'm Only Me When I'm With You

I'm only up when you're not down.
Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground.
It's like no matter what I do.
Well you drive me crazy half the time;
the other half I'm only trying to let you know that what I feel is true.
And I'm only me when I'm with you.

The Other Side of The Door


With your face, and your beautiful eyes
And the conversation
With the little white lies.
And the faded picture
Of a beautiful night
You carried me from your car
up the stairs
And I broke down cryin'
Was she worth this mess?
After everything and that little black dress
After everything I must confess,
I need you

Mine


You said, "I remember how we felt sitting by the water
And every time I look at you, it’s like the first time
I fell in love with a careless man’s careful daughter
She is the best thing that’s ever been mine."
Hold on, make it last
Hold on, never turn back

Ok. This deserves a story.
Because it is one of my favorites.

So it was our last date.
We just got done eating dinner at Outback
and he were headed to the Brit's apartment to spend our second to last night together.
Little thing about Elder.
He HATES Taylor Swift.
Can't stand her.
I don't know why.
But this song came out and I was completely obsessed because it reminded me of him perfectly.
So on our way to the apartment,
this song came on the radio.
I totally flipped.
I blasted it.
And started belting at the top of my lungs.
He didn't like that too much.
He kept trying to turn it down, but I insisted.
Then... We got lost.
He had no idea where we were.
Okay given... we were on University Parkway in Provo
but we did not know how to get to the Brit's apartment.
So here I am.
Belting and singing, trying to convince him of my love.
He is screaming at me to shut up and is about to blow up.
I am laughing my guts out.
He suddenly pulls over to the side of the busy street.
Leans over me and opens my door.
He clearly states that
 if I as so much make another little giggle I can walk home.
I look him in the eye.
And let out the biggest giggle ever giggled on the planet.
Before I could even comprehend what happened,
He leaped out of his seat and tackled me,
out of the car,
and there we laid on the grass of University Parkway.
With his body on top of mine he whispers
"I'll make you pay for that."
And the tickling and kissing began.
I couldn't move.
Nor did I want to.
So that song is dear to me.
We decided it could be one of our songs.
Well... I did.
He didn't approve.
But I believe it was appropriate.

Today Was A Fairytale

Can you feel this magic in the air?
It must have been the way you kissed me
Fell in love when I saw you standing there
It must have been the way
Today was a fairytale


This song is the song of our last date.
Because indeed,
he did wear a dark gray t-shirt and I did wear a dress.
And I did fall in love.

Long Live

Long live the walls we crashed through
While the kingdom lights shined just for me and you
I was screaming, long live all the magic we made
And bring on all the pretenders, I'm not afraid
Long live all the mountains we moved
I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you
I was screaming, long live the look on your face
And bring on all the pretenders, one day we will be remembered

This is the theme song of our relationship.
It truly is.

Ours

Seems like there's always someone who disapproves
They'll judge it like they know about me and you
And the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do
The jury's out, but my choice is you
So don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
And life makes love look hard
The stakes are high
The waters rough
But this love is ours

Superman

And I watch you fly around the world
And I hope you don't save some other girl
Don't forget, don't forget about me.
I'm far away but I'll never let you go
I'm lovestruck and looking out the window
Don't forget, don't forget where I'll be
Right here wishing the flowers were from you
Wishing the card was from you
Wishing the call was from you
'Cause I've loved you from the very first day

Breathe


Music starts playin like the end of a sad movie
It's the kind of ending you don't really wanna see
'Cause it's tragedy
And it'll only bring you down
Now I don't know what to be without you around
And we know it's never simple
Never easy
Never a clean break
No one here to save me
You're the only thing I know
Like the back of my hand
And I can't breathe without you, 
But I have to


If This Was A Movie

Listen for yourself.
It's my theme song for my life right now.


Tim Mcgraw


But when you think Tim McGraw
I hope you think my favorite song
The one we danced to all night long
The moon like a spotlight on the lake
When you think happiness
I hope you think that little black dress
Think of my head on your chest
And my old faded blue jeans
When you think Tim McGraw
I hope you think of me


And I hope when he gets back our life will still follow...


Mary's Song


Well, I was sixteen when suddenly
I wasn't that little girl you used to see
But your eyes still shined like pretty lights
And our daddies used to joke about the two of us
They never believed we'd really fall in love
And our mamas smiled and rolled their eyes
And said oh my my my...
Take me back to the creek beds we turned up
Two A.M. riding in your truck and 
all I need is you next to me
Take me back to the time we had our very first fight
The slamming of doors instead of kissing goodnight
You stayed outside till the morning light
Oh my my my my
A few years had gone and come around
We were sitting at our favorite spot in town
And you looked at me, got down on one knee...






Thank you Taylor Swift for writing my life.
It helps.
A lot.

16 more to go.
I can do this.
1/3 of the way done.
That's exciting.

Miss you Elder.

Finally, Someone Who Understands.

So I found this video.

And lets just say,

It made me cry.

Bawl.

To be precise.

It's my life.

Almost to the exact.

But.

A few clarifications.

I am little miss Bella.

Edward is my long lost Elder.

And Jacob... He is... Well... You fill in the pieces.

Please, if you have nothing else to do this fine summer day, watch this video.

Even if you are the biggest Twihard,
you will be dazzled by the videography.
It's astounding.

Click the box so the actual YouTube page pops up.
And watch it in full screen.
You'll see what I'm talking about.
Sigh...

I am stuck.

I am in the place where she is trying to fill that aching hole.

And it's impossible.

Without him.

Oh, and if you have a little extra time,

Watch this one.

Another good visual of my heart at the current moment.

Yes.

I am a little obsessed.

Always have been.

Always will be.

Edward forever.

The Forbidden Love.

Love is a smoke raised with the fume of sighs;
Being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers' eyes;
Being vex'd a sea nourish'd with lovers' tears:
What is it else? a madness most discreet,
A choking gall and a preserving sweet.

But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,
Who is already sick and pale with grief,
That thou her maid art far more fair than she:
Be not her maid, since she is envious;
Her vestal livery is but sick and green
And none but fools do wear it; cast it off.
It is my lady, O, it is my love!
O, that she knew she were!
She speaks yet she says nothing: what of that?
Her eye discourses; I will answer it.
I am too bold, 'tis not to me she speaks:
Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven,
Having some business, do entreat her eyes
To twinkle in their spheres till they return.
What if her eyes were there, they in her head?
The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars,
As daylight doth a lamp; her eyes in heaven
Would through the airy region stream so bright
That birds would sing and think it were not night.
See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand!
O, that I were a glove upon that hand,
That I might touch that cheek!

Both quotes from the one and only William Shakespeare.

So, you see. 

I have reached a dilemma.

There is a boy I like to call Romeo.

We have a forbidden love.

For he is a squashmore.

No... wait.

A junior?

Since I'm a senior?

Nope, still a sophomore.

But little fact. 

He has swept me off my little feet.

He sings for me.

He blogs about me.

Every time I lay my eyes on him,

a smile spreads across my face.

He touches my chin,

and butterflies completely fill my tummy.

I find myself thinking about him a lot.

I adore him.

Another wee problem.

We are just so busy, 

it is impossible to find time this busy summer season to spend some time with one another.

I hate it. 

I just want to play with him.

Plus he emailed me all the dates of full moons....

What???

What a champ.

Romeo oh Romeo... 

Hello, This Was My Week.

Once upon a time Linsey never wrote on her blog.

The end.

Lets start with Wednesday:

I went to a choir concert.

And might I just say,

My school is oh so talented.

I sat by my romeo.

Our secret love....

It's fantastic.

After I arrived home I had the privledge of watching the American Idol Finale.

SCOOOTTTTTTYYYYYY!!!

My boy.

My love.

I called it from the very beginning.

He will be a legend.

Thursday:

Two words.
Bad. Day.
Do you ever have those days when nothing goes your way,
when teachers don't work with you,
when friends act silly,
when fate hates you,
when a certain boy ignores your existance,
when you have 170000000 things to do and so little time,
and you really just want a chocolate bar?

Yep.
That was my life.

That night we had our Dance Co banquet.
I wanted to cry.
It was so hard being with my entire Company for the last time.
But I was comforted.
We have so many great memories together.
We are sisters.
As cliche as it sounds,
We can't cry because it's over,
we should smile because it happened.
I will never forget Dance Company 2010 - 2011.
A true sisterhood.

Friday:

One of the best days I have had in the longest time.
At lunch,
A tailgate party was held on the band field.
Hot dogs were eaten,
and memories were made.
A complete success.
Then came the state championship baseball game.
I had the privilege to sit by my dear Crush through out the entire game.
BONDDINNNG definitely occurred.
Man.... I will write a little bit more about that later.
We lost.
But second in state is not that bad right?
It's actually quite amazing.
Then came Powder Puff.
Stupid seniors.
I hate you.
All of you.
And your cheating ways.
GRRRRR.
I got a real cool jersey that some lovelies made for me.
It sported the number 26 along with the name of "Puffs" on the back.
May I just say I love that shirt?
A lot.
Then came Cavestock.
Talk about your craziness.
At first everything went quite well.
Doing my free period I got work with the cotton candy.
A literal dream come true.
I am easily entertained.
Sue me.
Then the rain came.
Usually I'm a fan of water falling from the sky but not when we are holding an outside dance with expensive electronics that must be out of H20's way.
So,
the chaos began.
The rain meant we had to bring everything in.
Every chair.
Every table.
Every piece of equipment.
By the end I was a soaking wet mess that really needed a power nap.
Might I just say,
when things need to get done,
I turn into a different person.
My priorities are shifted and I run around like a mad women trying to get things done.
And things we a lot easier because my dear Crush was by my side for the most of the night.
He helped me with everything.
I really appreciated it.
He made me smile.
A lot.
Then Momo and I decided to take a break and wrestle in the grass.
One of the best ideas I have ever had.
She is a little monster.
I like a challenge.

Yep.
We are that cool.
Notice the jersey. Number 26.
Booyahhh.

After about an hour of endless clean up the dance began.
And I partied.
It was very hot.
I became very sweaty.
But did that stop me from dancing with my Crush?
NO SIRR.
American Fork High School is just so school.
At one point in the evening my red headed little sister, a little sophy I admire with all my heart,
and I decided to stand on the benches and dance.
Pretty soon,
our whole little group was on those old piles of wood partying like
 there was no tomorrow.
Towards the end of the night,
They played a song of unity and the whole school linked arms and stood in a big circle.
We all shifted back and forth.
Looking at each other's faces.
Looking at the seniors who are off to bigger and better things.
Wanting to cry.
But smiling thinking of all the memories.
We all shouted ah-chil-le-le.
For the last time.
It was a great end.
Not to mention,
I danced with my Crush.
Twice.
That's right.
And all I have to say is I believe I have fallen quite hard for the kid.
Never in my life had I thought it would have developed into this.
He is amazing.
I have never met a more amazing boy.
He makes me swoon.
And giggle.
And... man.
Not to mention he improved immensely as a dancer.
Mainly, we worked on dips and spins.
Magical.
We had a moment.
I am the luckiest girl to ever walk this planet.
But at the same time,
I am terrified.
I don't know how to conduct myself.
I don't know what to do.
Hello seventh grade.
That is what I feel like.
Let the pieces fall where they may, I like to say.
Cavestock.
Success.
Pure happiness.
I love my life.
Very much.

Mark The Day Folks. It's A Big One.

Hello. :)

Hold on.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Okay.

Watch this video, por favor:

Pretty much my emotions in a song.

Except for I would say,

I am in like.

Deep like.

Lots of it.

Please mark today as the day I was myself,

yes still awkward, clumsy, and a little out there,

but myself around.... him. :)

Here's how is went down.

It was definitely awkward at first.

It always is.

He played a game of basketball while I laid on the road.

We decided to go get a snowcone.

After a little tooth pulling conversation,

BAM.

I don't know what happened,

but I wasn't nervous anymore.

I wasn't watching every word that came out of my mouth,

and planning my reaction to every one of his.

It just... flowed.

I was smiling and giddy and happy and... man.

We went back to the pool of munchkins 

and lets just say we didn't leave each other's side.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

We just talked.

And laughed.

We made a list for summer.

What a fantastic summer it is going to be.

We talked about the frisky days of kindergarten.

Our biographies were discussed.

Jokes about shaven legs and big caffs were shared. 

I can just laugh.

I am ecstatic.

So happy.

Once I walked in the door,

after a simple hug on the door step,

I sprinted to my mother and tackled her with excitement.

After she yelled at me for a few moments for interrupting her reading session,

I told her my whole night.

I screamed a lot.

I am in like,

I am in like,

And I don't care who knows it!

Did I mention we are going to the Bruno Mars concert??

WOOT WOOT! 

Rain Rain Go Away.

Roller coasters.

They are so fun.

Especially when you are discussing emotions.

Last night I couldn't sleep.

I woke up in the middle of the night sobbing.

In hysterics.

I laid in my bed for an hour holding on to old letters.

Replaying memories.

The thrashing rain outside didn't help much either.

It helped remembering the times of smiles and giggles.

It also helped with the pain.

The ache in my chest.

Pounding.

Cracking.

Today was Elder's sixth month mark.

Six. Months.

Ouch.

I can't believe it.

Six months without the boy I fell head over heals for.

The boy that changed me.

Changed my ways,

Changed my outlook on life.

The boy that pushed me to be my best.

He brought out the very best in me.

He kissed me.

And cherished every moment.

He lifted me out of the darkness and helped my testimony grow leaps and bounds.

I was in love.

And you humbuggers who believe that true love doesn't exist in high school?

I am sad for you.

The feelings between me and Elder were real.

Strong.

Powerful.

I have never been so happy.

And that is happiness you are pushing away.

You'll understand eventually.

It's the best.

I woke up this morning,

late as usual.

I rushed to get ready for a dear SBO meeting.

I turned on my Linkin Park,

trying to block out all thoughts.

I put on a scarf.

A pink one.

I thought it would help brighten my mood.

I went to my meeting.

Smiling at everyone,

praying they could see the disguise.

I sprinted to seminary knowing the spirit was the only thing that would heal my broken heart.

We talked about families.

And love.

Perfect.

I love my life.

Not.

I had a test in second.

Fail.

Once again,

I love my life.

Math has always been my favorite subject.

Everything has a rule.

It is constant.

Never changing.

Numbers are numbers.

Formulas are formulas.

And for OCD fanatics like Linsey?

Ya, math calms me.

So third passed with flying colors.

At lunch,

I saw him and her sitting at the lunch table.

She loves him.

He adores her.

I looked away before my eyes began to swell with tears.

It is hard to see couples in love,

when you are falling apart at the seams.

I didn't look at them again.

During fourth I saw my Crush.

I was in the hall, he walked by.

Stitch.

He smiled at me.

I smiled back.

Stitch.

The pain stopped momentarily.

I wished him luck at his game.

He said he would look out for me.

This time the smile wasn't forced, it was authentic.

I went to the soccer game.

My Crush is a stud.

He talked to me after.

I forgot about my pain, 

it almost... vanished.

I like to believe it was the fresh air and fresh thinking.

Maybe just maybe,

it's the fact that I see that there is still hope for me.

That this pain won't last forever.

I might one day be able to have the 10th day of the month come 

and not fall apart.

I don't know.

Maybe.

Arriving home,

I got a text from a special boy.

He simply asked me if I was going to the baseball game tomorrow.

It made all the difference in the world.

I felt special.

Remembered.

Isn't crazy how just a little text and some loving words can change your whole day?

Once again.

Roller coaster.

But I am a broken hearted teenage girl.

What do you expect?

I Never Thought I'd See The Day And Be Smiling.

Well well well.

I never thought this day would come.

Truly... I never did.

Lets start from the beginning. 

How Elder and I met.

For this is start of a most epic tale.

This was posted January 30, when these emotions were most real.

"Ok all you readers, such as.... no one, listen up.

This is the story of how I fell in love. It is the usual story. The older boy and the younger girl grew up together. Couldn't stand to be around each other. Seperated through the awful junior high years. Weren't even friends girl's sophomore year, while the older boy was a senior. Meet back up awkwardly. Instantaneously fall in love. Then in the blink of an eye... he's gone.

Well if you haven't figured out, I am the younger girl. And that is my story in a nut shell.
Shall I expand on the situation? I shall. 
Lets take a moment to observe my current situation.

• I am a Junior in High School. 
• I am on Dance Company.
• I got the best friends around. 
• I have a family that loves me very much. 
• I am so blessed and grateful. 
• I have an unyielding testimony of my Savior and his church 

My life should be perfect right? Wrong. There is a hole. A hole that hurts with every breath I take, with every heartbeat. Every time my heart pounds the hole gets bigger. Because he is not here. He is gone.

Two. Whole. Years. 

Yes, I sent off a missionary. And everyday that he is gone, my heart yearns to be with him and yet, he is serving the people of central america. Its all bitter-sweet. Sweet, in such a way as he serving the lord. He will change lives. He is going to work miracles. He will mature and gain a sense of humility. He will back 10 times the guy I knew. I should be happy. But I am not. I am heart broken and wounded. I am lost. I need him.

Okay, so maybe I am a little dramatic.

We are going to call this boy.... Elder. Just Elder. Me and Elder.. Well.. we go way back. I remember specifically being in kindergarten. Elder and my big brother, Joshy Boy [currently serving a mission in Anaheim, California], were best friends growing up. There was a whole group of boys actually. All of them I adored. Oh boy, those second graders had it going on! Because of my adoration, I was subjected to much torture. The span of my entire childhood was filled with hits, kicks, and bruises from my secret loves. Yes, I remember Elder beating me up.

Good times.. good times.

Once those second graders hit 7th grade, the tortured stopped. Those boys stopped coming over because Joshy's friends changed. I forgot about them and moved onto boys my own age. YA YA! Skipping forward a couple years, I entered high school.

Oh, sophomore year. The memories. The best year of my life. Lets just say... I dated a couple guys. One being Elder's best friend. Grrrrr..... I have a STRONG dislike for that man. But that is a different story. Elder and I are not friend, nor would I ever thought we would be. Junior year now rolls around. All my second grade lovers slash my beloved seniors are all headed off to different parts of the country for their missions. Including my brother. My best friend. My constant comfort. He was gone, I was alone.

In result of this pain, tears flowed constantly. I thought it was going to last forever. That following Friday changed my life forever. I decided I needed to try and be happy. In this attempt, I went to our high school football game.

I had never felt so alone.

All my friends were blind to my sorrow and insincerity filled their voices. All I could think was  
"The next two years are going to be like this. My own personal hell."
Once the game ended, I wanted to run home as fast as I could. Before I could take off, I ran into some old friends. My beloved seniors. My mood changed knowing that these boys were filled with the spirit of christ. Their light shone so bright. I couldn't help but smile. As I was conversing with these bretheren, I noticed one hanging in the back. He would not make eye contact with me.

There is something you need to know about me.
If I want to know you, you better buck up. You will be my friend.

I decided to march up to this young man and made it known that I exist. My heart started to pound as I approach his imitating stance.

"When do you leave for your mission, Aaron?"
"The tenth of November." He answered politely.
"Wow, that is coming up! That is oh so very exciting. I believe I heard that you are going to guatemala?" I asked, trying to engage in light conversation.

And BAM!

We clicked.

My life will never be the same from that night.

Everything changed.

That night I fell in love. I truly did. I knew what I was getting myself into. This boy was leaving in a month and a half for two years.. This next month and a half had to be filled with him. My elder.

And let me tell you.

That was the BEST month of 2010.

We spent every second we could with each other. We went to concerts. Stargazing. Late night car rides. Church movies. Dates. Kisses. Fighting. Sneaking out. Dinner. Laughing so hard we were rolling on the floor. Singing our lungs out. Baking treats. Scary movies. Awkard moments. Late night phone calls. Wrestling. Bowling. Life talks. More kisses. Testimonies.
Falling in love.
My life was a fairytale. I don't think there was a happier person to ever walk the earth. My mother told me I was glowing. Life was perfect. I could not ask for anything more. I was living in complete bliss.
Then he left.
He was gone. I was alone.
Most people's heart are broken because of a switch in emotion. One doesn't feel the same as they did before. Mine was different. We were completely in love. Completely content. And in our prime, we were seperated. I know he still loves me. Thats why I am broken. I love him, he loves me. Two years til I can be with him again. BAH.
Another chip off the ol' heart.
I am waiting for my Elder. Lets be honest. I am in high school. I am going to date other boys. Maybe even kiss. But my heart will ALWAYS be with my Elder. He is my Best Friend. Two more years. I can handle it.
I can do this. "

That is how it started. 

A glimpse of our relationship.

I fell. Hard.

Which is completely silly looking back.

I knew he was leaving.

I knew I would be alone.

But isn't that the crazy thing about love?

We take ridiculous risks and bizarre actions,

to catch a smidge of the happiness that comes with another unyielding care and passion?

Well, I have waited.

I pray for Elder every night.

I write him a weekly email every Monday.

I send a letter every two weeks.

I have not kissed a boy since he has left back in November.

Minus the Christmas Assembly, if you know what I'm talking about.

My heart has completely held onto our relationship,

never fully letting fall for another lad.

Well, today, this all came to a close.

I received a letter from my dear Elder.

Yes, it finally came.

I was giddy.

I was screaming.

Running around like a little girl who was surprised with a pony on her birthday.

I ripped the letter open only to find one measly piece of paper.

One paragraph.

That is never a good sign.

As I read the contents of the letter my heart sank.

Buried itself in embarrassment and sorrow.

He began to tell me that:

• He hopes I am enjoying my high school experience.

• And that he doesn't want me hopelessly waiting around for him.

• He frankly said that he is giving his complete all to the Lord, and doesn't have time for anything else or anyone for that matter.

• He requested that I stopped writing him so that he can solely focus on the work.

• He wished me a good life and to enjoy every moment of it.

The end.

I sat there.

Blankly staring at the letter.

I waited for the moister to strike me eyes and fall endlessly down my face.

I waited for the pain to reoccur in the never failing hole punched deep into my chest.

I waited for my body to collapse due to the shock and horror of what the contents of the letter read.

But none of that happened.

I smiled.

Even giggled a bit.

Suddenly I thought, 

Linsey, why in the world are you smiling at a time like this?

I have had to take this whole day, and try to dissect my emotions.

Here is my conclusion.

I am relieved.

I can let him go.

No more tears, no more sorrow for when the letter doesn't show.

I can live my happy high school life,

as a senior,

as an SBO.

I can feel my Savior's love.

His enlightenment.

I know Elder came into my life for a reason, he played a special role.

He taught me what love is.

What I am searching for.

What a relationship should be like.

It's amazing.

Heavenly Father has outstanding ways of working.

He knew this was a lesson I needed to learn.

I am happy.

I am smiling.

Elder can now move on,

and become the best missionary ever on the planet!

I know he will be.

He is that incredible.

Who ever is the lucky girl that marries this young man will win the jackpot of all men.

I am excited for her.

And my true love is out there.

Waiting for me.

Man, I am feeling good.

I can feel my Savior's arms around me,

as he whispers that everything is going to be alright.

And it will be.

Goodbye Elder.

The stories of you will cease to exist on this blog.

I love you.

You will always hold a very dear spot in my heart.

I will never forget you.

Thank you, for all you have taught me.

Go get em, Elder Hill.

I am so proud of you.

As The Story Unfolds...

Call me butter because I am on a roll.

Ohhhh ya.

Today, my dear bloggers,

I conquered a fear.

I developed courage.

I forgot my wee insecurities,

and I took life by the horns.

I FEEL SO ALIVE.

You maybe wondering what sort of fantastic event

sparked this sudden feeling of joy and excitement.

After the final bell, ending the school day,

I tried to linger in the hall knowing my Crush

traveled the same path way I do.

He never came.

I sulked to the commons to find my little nest of friends.

I suddenly remembered that I still needed to tackle

my red headed little sister.

As I made my way done the hall,

I saw him.

Standing beside the office.

I just scurried past in utter panic and distress.

Trying to calm myself, I found my dear friend Calea. 

We discussed Chemistry and grades, 

with the sense of panic still strong in the back of my head,

 Calea bid me farewell.

Turning back to the commons, I saw him.

We made eye contact.

A million thoughts ran through my head.

Do I walk away?

Do I smile?

Do I say something?

Do I dare to go over there?

Should I go talk to him?

It was now or never.

I swallowed my fear,

with a hop in my step,

I skipped over to my Crush and his two other friends.

And we had a nice chat.

Never saying anything directly to each other,

but to the group as a whole. 

I was so nervous.

Before he noticed, 

I clasped my hands together so he couldn't see that my little hands were shaking.

Although, at random times,

I would catch him looking at me.

Just staring.

Sometimes I acted like I didn't notice.

Other times, I would turn my attention to him

and smile as radiantly as I could.

Tried to show that inner giddiness on my outside appearance.

Man.... What a guy.

One of the sweetest out there.

The fact that he might be merely interested

makes me want to stand up and do a toe-touch.

I think what sets him apart,

is I have never even considered anyone like him.

Elder and my past little lovers were

the popular,

bad boy,

wild,

crazy,

adventurous,

that were the shiz.

So cool.

And they knew it.

My Crush now is so sweet.

And kind,

loving,

shy,

a gentleman,

sincere,

just the greatest kid.

I am ready for change.

I am sick of dating the bad boys.

I want the absolutely sweetest boy around.

I think I might of found the jack-pot.

Hallelujah.

And for the first time,

my pain cause by Elder's absence,

is calming.

I am happy.

My mommy says she hasn't seen me smile like this for the longest time.

It's a terrific feeling.

I am happy.

The First Crush.

Quick update.

Dear Blog,

I have a crush.

A deep loving crush.

And this isn't a sudden infatuation.

No.

It is deep, it is sincere.

This young man was my very first kiss.

Ever.

Want to hear a story?

One day at school I was having a really bad day.

I was beaten with homework and other factors of my life were pulling me down.

I was angry and upset with everyone that crossed my path.

Except for him.

When I saw him my whole day was flip around.

Warmth was brought into my life, he was my sun.

After our class together it was lunch time.

He walked by my side as we ventured to the lunch room. 

We sat down to eat our lunches and our hands accidentally touched as we were unloading our meals.

Butterflies. Swarms and swarms, filling my little stomach.

I liked him so much. 

Just looking at him made me a giddy little piglet.

We walked outside and sat on the curb. 

We just sat looking at the blue sky watching the formation of clouds.

I slowly turned my attention to my little lover.

He grabbed me by the hand and led me to the wood chips beneath the slide.

As we stood under the twisting mass of plastic,

I stood with my hands on my hips, questioning the situation.

He softly tilted his head, and slowly pressing his lips on mine.

I blushed harder than was physically possible.

I was 6 years old.

My pink dress blew in the wind as I realized my unyeilding love for this dashing young man.

With a lunchbox on one hand and his hand laced with mine,

we skipped back to our simple little lives. 

Oh, young love.

So profound.

So innocent.

Guess what happened from there?

We spent the rest of Kindergarten in love.

Completely obsessed with one another's company.

I remember sitting at his kitchen table and eating smarties.

I remember learning how to draw stars with him.

I remember the days of kissing tag.

What fine days those were.

Then the dreadful news came.

I was moving.

Which meant I was forced to enroll at a new school.

The heartbreak.

The agony.

The sorrow.

Yes, our divine relationship had come to a close.

Lets skip a head a bit.

Elementary passed.

Slowly, but it passed.

Going into Junior High, I had expectations that me and

(his blogging identity shall be)

Crush would be reunited.

It was a little more complicated.

We had different friends.

We didn't see each other much.

I became terrified that the boy didn't remember me anymore.

So I never said anything.

Now high school.

Lets just say, my once little lover 

has turned into quite the young man.

Soccer player.

Piano master.

School scholar.

He is amazing.

And I have fallen back into that infatuation

that consumed me about a decade ago.

But there is still a problem.

I haven't talk to this boy in ten years.

I shake when I think about approaching him.

He makes me nervous.

He still makes me a giddy little piglet.

What do I do?

How do I approach him?

We don't know.

I will find a way.

And I will let you know when I have overcome my fear.

He is amazing.

One day, he will love me again.

Hoorah!