Sunday, April 1, 2012

And So Have I.

This is terrifying.
I don't know why, but I am slightly timid right now.
Maybe a case of stage fright?

This blog used to be my home.
Where my thoughts ran rampant and words slurred from my fingertips,
as I tried so helplessly to organize the raging thoughts of a teenage girl.

Well, here I am again.

Lets start.
Shall we?

As I am sitting here in my bed, 
I can't help but think to last spring.
I was crazy about that one boy, the one that stills makes my head spin every time he pops into my thoughts that are trying very hard to push him out.
But I'm tired of talking about him.
This is my story.
I was running as a rookie for student council with summer on my mind.
I was so ambitious.
Nothing in the world was going to bring me down.
My eyes shown with true light and passion.
I was young and ready. 

If that me was shown my life now,
with all its challenges and trails and heartaches and breaks and cracks...
My giggly little eyes would have filled with tears.
I would have ran to my bedroom, snuggled in my bed, and not come out until I knew that, 
that life, wasn't promised to be mine. 

Things have changed.
And so have I.

I am grateful for my trials.
I am blessed for the opportunities I have had to grow.
No, I'm not that bright eyed, little teeny-bopper anymore.
No, I'm not that giggly, fun girl, who believed that anything is possible.
Sometimes, secretly, I long for that girl.
I wish I could see through those pure eyes once more, 
truly take in the beauty of it all.
But that would be foolish.

I am strong.
I am steadfast.
I am passionate.
I am immovable.
I can face the daily struggles this life gives me, and say,
Bring it on. 
I am powerful.

I wouldn't change one thing.

Thats right.

Enough of the heavy.
Now onto a different aspect of my life.

Oh bless.
Lets get this over with.

Sometimes its too painful to think about.
Too hard to look back on.
But all I can say is...
He is out of the picture.
After eighteen, long, painful, tear-wretching months,
I have moved on.
I don't want to say given up,
because that sounds weak.
But, instead I have chosen to be strong, for myself,
and allow what makes me happy into my life.

Its about time right?
He comes home in November.
So we will see what happens.
I can't even think about that right now.
I might start hyperventilating.

So lets talk about something happy.
All this doom and gloom isn't really working for me.
Because for the most part, I am the happiest I have ever been.
And that is saying something.
I guess it is because,
I have finally learned to look past the bad and see the good.
Beauty is everywhere.
The little things can make you happy.
Let go of the things holding you back.
Search for the little things that will make your day.

Of course there is a main reason as to why I am so happy all the time as of late.

Want to know why?

I mean do you really want to know? 

Then I guess you will have to wait and see.

1 comment:

  1. Oh how I adore this post Linds! Sooo what I needed to hear at the moment darling. Thank you thank you thank you.