No Parachutes This Time.

(Earlier Thoughts Of This Mornings Shower)

What if I told you who I really was.
What if I let you in on my charade.

What if I told you what was really going on.
No more masks and no more parts to play.
What if I told you that's its just a front to hide the insecurities I have.
What if I told you that I'm not as strong as I like to make believe I am.
There's so much I want to say.
But I'm so scared to give away every little secret that I hide behind.
Would you see me differently?
Would that be such a bad thing?
I wonder what it would be like if I told you.

-Jason Walker

(My Thoughts Right Now)

Here's how it goes.
Boy meets girl, girl leaves boy.
That's all I know, all I've done, all my life.
Because throughout my history, 

I've only been with jerks who couldn't take it.
But you see the picket fence the swing on the front porch with us two on it.
He rescued me.
Saved my life just in time.
Saw past all my issues and scars,
And made me try.
Because the way he's kissing me makes it hard to breathe.
But I still like it.

It truly feels like a dream.
He knows exactly how I want it.
When I believe that nothing lasts forever,
He stays with me, keeping us together.
And make me feel like I never ever wanna give him up.
Until now, I've always been a quitter.

-Carrie Underwood

This evening, I opened up.

No walls.

No guard.

The stars were shining brilliantly in the sky.

I traced the bulbs of light hopelessly begging them to give me strength.

Help me say the right thing so that he will understand.

That I am broken in so many ways.

That maybe I am not the girl he thinks I am.

I knew I could make him understand, I just had to say it right.

And I did.

After my monologue, I buried my head into his chest terrified of his reaction.

Would he get upset and storm back to his car?

Would he feel pity for a girl so lost?

I couldn't and wouldn't look at him. 

All I felt was his stare pouring into my hair.

Softly, he pulled my chin up and rested his lips on my forehead.

I let out a sigh of relief.

At least he didn't shun me.

After what seemed like an eternity,

His strong hands turned my face toward his.

With his twinkling eyes piercing mine he said,

"I will never hurt you. That is my promise. I don't want to lose you. 

Please don't run away this time. I won't lose you."

*DEAD*

I feel this feeling that has been lost for so long.

I thought I would be only able to feel it with the missionary.

This best friend thing we have going on.

The fact that I can tell him exactly whats on my mind, 

Whenever I want to and he listens. 

Just listens to me speak as if I am telling the most exciting story ever told.

We have this connection.

He knows exactly what I am going to do before I do.

I can tell he cares about me so much.

It shines through his eyes when he looks at me.

I can feel it.

I'm not scared anymore.

He is everything I could wish for. And more.

I'm falling. Fast. 

And I don't need to parachute for this one.

Thanks for offering though. :)