Saturday, June 9, 2012

Nicholas Sparks Summer. Thats Me.

Every aspect of my life is planned.
Every little detail is perfectly settled.
The future gives me anxiety because it cannot be controlled.
But I find peace in the present knowing I have complete control.

This was not part of the plan.

The way I feel about him,
Not. Part. Of. The. Plan.

I feel like I am living in a Nicholas Sparks novel.
Living the perfect summer.
I am living the life most girls dream about.
To find a relationship that is so deep, pure, and good.

My mom loves him.
She says he's perfect for me.
He calms me.
Which we all know I need.

But at the same time...

This has been one of the best weeks of my life.

Every night,
It has just been us.
We talk about everything and anything.
Not one thing is awkward.
We talk about us.
He constantly tells me he has never been happier.
He tells me he couldn't ask for anyone better.

I tell him that he knows that isn't true.
That I'm awkward.
I'm the biggest procrastinator in the world.
I have no desire to work.
I just want to play all the time.
I shove off responsibilities.
I'm very insecure with the way I look.
I make animal noises all the time.
I have no musical ability what-so-ever.
I'm terrified to grow up.
I'm terrified to loose him.

He just laughs.
Shakes his head.
"Those things are all the things I love about you.
You wouldn't be you without them.
I don't want someone who is perfect.
I want you."


We've gotten to the point where we say the exact same thing at the exact same moment.
I finish his sentences, he finishes mine.
He isn't afraid to hold my hand in front of my family.
He isn't afraid to hold my hand anywhere.

Tonight, was the best.
I went to his house.
He had a million little cousins running around.
Complete chaos.
He doesn't like that.
So we went outback on his tramp and stargazed.
My most favorite thing in the world.
His little cousins kept dropping in on us,
Calling us lovers, telling us to stop kissing, and that I'm a keeper.
I was dying.
We were both on one.
I have never laughed so hard.
I was crying.
When do I ever laugh so hard that tears fall?
But I couldn't stop.
Neither could he.
We both had tears streaming down our faces because we were so happy.
My tummy hurt because I stop giggling.
We are so happy together.
Everything is happy when I am with him.

After we settled down,
We laid there, tangled up, and started talking about the future.
I'm leaving.
He's going back to high school.
My missionary is coming home.
He needs to date.
But we want to make it work.
We will make it work.
I don't want to lose him.
I can't lose him.
I almost went into hysterics thinking about it.
He shhhhhed me down and just played with my hair.
He didn't say anything for a long time.
Oh no.
Maybe he didn't feel the same.
Maybe this is just a one way street.

"All day I have been thinking about this last month.
Since prom.
Since I made the hardest decision I have ever made.
And I know I made the right choice.
I've gone through too much to lose you.
I won't let you go.
Not now.
Not anytime soon."


I feel like I'm living a fairytale.
How did I become this girl?
The lucky one?
All I know is Heavenly Father has sent me the most amazing blessing.
I have trusted him with all my heart.
Knowing that eventually I would be happy.
He wouldn't let me hurt forever.
And now,
I am floating on air.
All the time.

This wasn't part of the plan.
But I guess,
It is good to be spontaneous sometimes.

No comments:

Post a Comment