Monday, May 30, 2011

Time To Move On And Invite The Summer.

Tonight is the night I have been waiting for.
Tonight I will see one of my musical icons in person.
And he shall sing for me.
I will sing back.
And we will have a moment.

A boy will be next to me.
One that makes me happier than anyone else.
I hope we dance.
I know I will.
This is his first concert.
I hope it will be special for him.
Because I know it will be for me.

The concert is being at the UCCU center.
I found this out on Friday.
And I almost canceled this little party.
I went up to my room.
I hyperventilated a bit.
After a nap and some craisins,
I pulled myself together.
The last time I entered that center, I went to a concert.
An amazing one in fact.
BOB, Iyaz, and Jason Derulo.
All in one.
I do not enjoy music like that,
but Elder did.
And he wanted me to go with him.
So I went.
And well,
you know how that went.
That was our first date.
Our first connection.
And serendipitously, tonight I shall be sitting one row lower in the same section.
Almost to exact same seats.
Elder has been on my mind A LOT lately.
And it's been hard.
Really hard.
Utah County has decided to turn into Seattle.
Rain. Rain. Rain.
Memories. Memories. Memories.
Not to mention,
I am falling for another boy.
Quite fast, and quite hard.
Despite my little cracks and broken heart,
I have let myself trust.
Have faith.
But I can't help but have Elder constantly there in the back of my head.
I know its over.
But all those emotions and feeling I have been trying to repress are opening up again.
But for someone else.
It is terrifying.
I can't get Elder out.
I know he has forgotten about me.
Why can't I forget about him?
And just move on?
I hate love.
I love love.
Summer will help.
No more school, no more stress.
I will just be free.
Completely free.

Summer is the time when girls go barefoot, 
and their hearts are just as free as their toes.

I am not going to hold back.
I know I will have regrets if I do.
I won't let thoughts of Elder drag me down.
I am going have faith.

I love the Notebook.
It makes me smile.
It makes me cry.
Here is a quote I have altered. 
I believe it fits my life.

My Dearest Elder. 
I couldn't sleep last night because I know that it's over between us. I'm not bitter anymore, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I'll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given me. That's what I hope to give to you forever. 
I love you. I'll be seeing you. Love, Linsey. 

1 comment:

  1. i want to hug you. i'm sorry for this rough time. you'll make it through, you little warrior :)