Sunday, July 10, 2011

The Awkward Life. It's Normal.

On a scale of one to awkward,
how weird was my day?


Lets start from the beginning, shall we?

My alarm didn't go off.
I woke up late.
That's always a great way to start of the day.

I rushed to practice my fitness routine.
For the pageant.
Someone shoot me now.
I was late.
My teacher was mad.
I had to leave early.
She wasn't pleased.

With a slicked ponytail and the awkwardest of polos
I headed off to the parade.
I don't quite know why...
But I shut off when I'm around my council.
I don't know what to say.
How to act.
What's right and what's wrong.
I just become very quiet.
It's an issue.

The parade was hot.
Very hot.
We chanted and threw bouncy balls at little children's heads.
I would say it was a definite success.
At the end of the parade, I jumped off our little trailor.
Slowly, I drug my feet along the blackened concrete.
I lifted my head towards the warm sky,
and smiled.
As my eyes shifted downward, there they were.
Walking in their red uniforms, hair in a bow.
Before I could even think,
My legs took off into a sprint.
I took out the red head.
She didn't even see me coming.
The tackling and hugs began.
My three cheerleaders.
I pulled away and looked at my life.
There stood my bestestestest friends.
In their cheer uniforms, with the personae of a champions.
I looked down and saw my charchoal polo hanging loosely.

For a split second,
I wished things were diferent
I wished I wasn't an SBO.
I wished they weren't cheerleaders.
In that moment I would have given my liver and kidney
to go back to how things used to be.
Dance Company.
Our sisterhood.
We were one.
No difference.

But as I snapped back to reality I realized that those thoughts were silly.
If things never changed, 
how would we ever grow?
So I put on a smile for them and told them how my summer had been.
I hugged each of them.
And stood there as they walked away in their little skirts.
It was hard.
It was really hard.
I walked back to our little trailer and didn't say a word the whole drive back.
I gave two of my favorite council members rides home.
The entire time holding back tears.
Some news was dropped on my head like a bomb.
I was crushed.
All I wanted to do was sleep.

I walked in my door and hugged my mother.
In that moment,
the tears released.
I let all the pain out.
The lonliness.
The saddness.

Once I was done with my little episode,
I crawled onto my couch.
And passed out for the next 6 hours.
Didn't I tell you sleep is my cure to depression?
Ya, I was out for the count.

I woke up.
Took a shower.
I had to clean all my emotions off.
Got decently ready,
and headed off to be with my cheerleaders.
I needed them.
I needed reassurance that we really would be best friends forever.
And we had fun.
I could tell they were distant... 
But that's okay.
I was too.

We went to the car show.
The carnival.
We had a barbeque.

Then the fireworks.
And let me tell you,
Everyone and their dog was there.

And this is where the awkwardness roles into play.

I saw all my seniors.
My heart leaped every time I saw one of their smiling faces.
I saw my sophomores.
Now that put a smile on my face.
My asian.
My best friend.
It was great.
They made lots of jokes.
I laughed and shook it off.

Awkward moment number one.
I take it back.
I hate sophomores.
Their immaturity astounds me.

Then I saw the boy that created quite a mess in my life.
I tried to act natural.
My usual smilely self.
But someitmes...
Things just naturally get awkward.
And jokes are made.
There is that oh so awkward I eye contact.
 The two of us just busted up laughing.
Because we are close.
And what happened isn't a secret.
So we walked halfway to my car.
Came up with an awkward handshake.

Talking to another friends I turn the corner and my life honestly froze.
For a split second all I could hear was my fluttering heart.
I didn't know whether to run.
Or whether to go up and talk to them.
So instead I just stood there as awkwardly as possible.
The four of us.
She loved him.
They were best friends.
He kissed me.
That boy was my crush.
They were close
We don't talk.
They like each other.
We're close friends.
They don't talk.
There still kind of friends.
And everything has switched.
And we all know it.
So here we are.
All trying to act normal when inside we are literally having a heart attack.
I tried to stay calm.
Smile as much as I could.
And a little too soon,
I said goodbye.
Hyperventilating a little bit,
I turned the corner.

And I took off into a sprint.
Across the entire school and the parking lot.
I had to get my stress out some way.
Once I reached the seminary building I fell to the ground.
I cried for a bit.
What a mess I had made of my life.

I proceeded to drive home,
blasting T-Swift.

My life.
So awkward.
But you know what?
It's definitely interesting...
And I think I can live with that.


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