Saturday, April 23, 2011

I Am Getting Stronger.

We've all grown up, and there's no denying that. But it is tough to tell if in that grown up we've simply grown apart.

I'm a first believer in the power of change. But there is one thing I've learned, and that's the hardest part of moving forward is not looking back. Now here I sit so far a way, remembering all our memories, and it's times like these that I miss you most, remembering when we were so close. Sometimes I wish I could just fast-forward through time, just to see if it's worth it all in the end.

I've learned that things change, people change, and it doesn't mean you forget the past or try to cover it up. It simply means you move on and treasure the memories. Letting go doesn't mean giving up, it means accepting that some things weren't meant to be.

Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive.

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.

And now we’re left here, two separate paths. You’ll take yours and I’ll take mine. We’re left with broken hearts, growing older, and growing apart.

And slowly as the days go by, you lose friends you never thought you would.

I’ll remember you when I get old and I start getting wrinkles from all the times you made me laugh.

If ever there is a tomorrow when we’re not together, there’s something you must always remember: You arebraver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think but the most important thing is even if we’re apart I will always be with you.

Tonight, the cheer squad was picked.

My dear friends are officially cheerleaders at American Fork High School.

As I looked at the list of girls, my heart sank as I saw their names bluntly sitting there.

Staring me in eyes. 

Mocking me.


There goes my heart.

Everything is going to be different.

They say it isn't going to change.

But how can it not?

Things are never going to be the same.

This fine evening I called my girls as a got off work.

No answers. No calls back.

I then decided to go to the theater to see a movie with my dear cousin.

T-sizzle replied back to my call.

All the newly made cheerleaders were having a party of slumber.

She asked if I would like to be in attendance.

This is what I am talking about.

Usually, Friday nights consist of girl dates.

Texas Roadhouse or Cafe Rio,

preceded by a heart felt chick flick in her bed, 

with deep talks on life,

and chocolate.

Now, she is going to be with them.

And I will be the little tag-along.

I really don't want that.

I would rather chew off my left foot.

My new council will be my saving grace.

But that honestly will not begin until next year.

So I must persevere through summer and make the most of it.

I am just in a difficult spot.

I am weak.

I am fragile.

I think back to the night I found out I made SBO.

How empowered and strong I felt.

Nothing could stand in my way.

I was given the most amazing blessing in the world.

Nothing could take me down.

Heavenly Father then commanded:

Linsey, Be Humble.


And the trials began.

Within one week, 

I have lost my missionary and my best friends.

I am struggling with heart ache.

And change.

Most importantly, change.

I have a song that directly relates to my life.

Between Elder and my official cheerleaders.

A Little Bit Stronger
Sara Evans

Woke up late today and I still feel the sting of the pain
But I brushed my teeth anyway
I got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my faceI got a little bit stronger

Riding in the car to work and I'm trying to ignore the hurt
So I turned on the radio, stupid song made me think of you
I listened to it for minute but I changed it
I'm getting a little bit stronger, just a little bit stronger

And I'm done hoping that we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger

Doesn't happen overnight but you turn around
And a month's gone by and you realize you haven't cried
I'm not giving you a hour or a second or another minute longer
I'm busy getting stronger

And I'm done hoping that we can work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking, that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger

Trials. Trials. Trials.
There are lessons that must be learn.
Heavenly Father is sending me a message.
I am growing.
I am getting stronger.
I can do this.

1 comment:

  1. Haha.

    Smite :)

    Stop forgetting that you have a new sister who loves you and can't wait to be in a family with you.
    Don't ever hesitate to call her and ask her to come watch movies about elephants with her.