Sunday, March 6, 2011

Getting there

I'm happy.
This is a weird thought.
It's different.
I haven't been happy for four months.
I have been merely dragging my feet in life,
Hoping that everyone is fooled by my act of teenager giggles and fake smiles.
I pray that people don't see that it is forced.
Because that is when people start asking questions.
When you refuse the answers, people start assume.
That when trouble happens.
That has been my life the last couple of months.
It is not a good feeling.

Tonight, I felt a bit of light shine through.
I regained some hope.
Not in the way you are imagining, I'm sure.

This fine night was spent with Wonderboy.
Yes, and what a wonder this young man is.

I haven't been able to be completely myself... for the longest time.
I haven't been able to just talk to someone without the fear of being judged.
I know I need to let go of what people think,
But I'm only human.
I am working on it.

With Wonderboy, I can completely share my mind.
With not a care of what he will think.
We can sit in my kitchen, make cookies,
and just talk about everything and nothing.
I can just laugh.
I can simply smile.
I can be disappointed.
I can share my silly little embarrassing quirks.
I can be myself.
It is fantastic.
He's a great listener.
Very insightful.
It isn't everyday when you find a boy in high school who can go into the deeper meanings of life.
It's nice having someone who can do utter nothingness,
and still have a glorious time.
Because making cookies, 
That is my type of fun.
I don't need to be out doing crazy things,
I find joy in the comfort of my own home.

It was a great night.
Hopefully, there are more to come.
Right now, all my feelings can be summed up in a simple
Taylor Swift song.
I enjoy listening to it.
The name fits very successfully to my situation.
It gives my butterflies and makes me smile.
Truly smile. 

1 comment:

  1. i LOVE your blog. definitely one of my favourites. =)