Wednesday, March 9, 2011


I have realized a few things.

I am healing.
Bit by bit. Minute by minute.
Things are getting easier.
Instead of crying every night,
the tears only come every other.
I have been repressing memories of Elder.
Trying to forget them, hoping that will subside the pain.
It doesn't.
It makes it worse.
So I have decided to opened my mind. 
My heart.
These last couple of days, I have let the memories in and let them flow.
Some nights, as I lie in my bed, I close my eyes,
and I can actually see him.
I can smell his special smell.
It helps.
My heart is slowly healing.
It will get there.
Tomorrow, he will be gone for four months exactly.
If you would of asked me in November if I would even make it to March, 
I would probably say that I would be dead by then.
But look at me now. 
I have made it.
4 months.
20 more to go.

My mother is a very intuitional woman.
She always knows what to say and how to make me feel better.
The other day she said
"Linsey, I have a feeling a really good guy is coming into your life soon. 
I can feel it."
I know its coming.
Change is coming my way.

I think I am headed to St. Geeeezy this weekend.
That 75 degree weather is calling my name.
I could not be more ecstatic. 
I need to get away from this small town.

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